Constantly feeling condemned

[friend of]

I feel like, at one pivotal point of weakness in my life, I may have cast off the Lord by failing to trust in Him when I really needed to. I can still somewhat maintain that I did not commit this intentionally, as I was assailed by intrusive thoughts that I just wanted them to stop, but they wouldn't. My mind was going haywire and the thoughts were telling me I was surrounded by aliens who were feasting upon human believers spiritual energy. At that point I told myself that I couldn't handle Christianity and it felt like I rejected Christ. Not in so many words. I now try to reconcile this by saying to myself that it was a false gospel twisted by my crazy brain at that moment which I rejected. But even this doesn't explain my loss of ability to write like I used to when I was inspired by the Spirit...

But I am constantly thinking about this point as the point where I may have committed the dreaded apostasy, after knowing the gospel powers of the age to come. I too got lazy by OSAS and did not gird myself regarding the future of my soul and was caught up into a season of warfare that I was not prepared for at all. I don't know how I slipped into complacency but it was a process that took about a month of lessening prayer and daily recognition of the Spirit's presence in my life.

I constantly pray that God didn't let me go at that time and that I was made to endure that point of weakness to and for the future glory of Christ. However, I cannot see how my current Spiritual trajectory would in any way give glory to Christ more so than if I had never slipped into such complacency. I pine for the victorious life I could have now been living in, had I not had this point of weakness, which is potentially worldly grief, which causes death. Though I pine for the spiritual connection with Christ that I feel has been inhibited.

In 2 Thess 3:3 it says that God will protect those who are His from the evil one. And in 1 John it says that the evil one does not touch the one whom God protects. Well, I was molested by the evil one's mechanisms thoroughly. My problem is that I do not know whether these thoughts/blasphemies really came from the evil one or if they came from my own heart. If the latter, then I'm in trouble.

I constantly remunerate on these thoughts throughout the day and there is never really any silver lining. I know people say that if you obsess over the unforgivable sin then you couldn't have committed it, but what if that is simply not true? I really have no clue what to do. Even my prayers don't seem as inspired as they once were. I still pray and seek God daily, but I feel I may have abandoned my one hope in this world and the world to come, without cognizance. I have been going over Hebrews 6:4-6 like mad, browsing any article I can find to find comfort but comfort is sparse. Any advice would be appreciated.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

I feel like, at one pivotal point of weakness in my life, I may have cast off the Lord by failing to trust in Him when I really needed to. I can still somewhat maintain that I did not commit this intentionally, as I was assailed by intrusive thoughts that I just wanted them to stop, but they wouldn't. My mind was going haywire and the thoughts were telling me I was surrounded by aliens who were feasting upon human believers spiritual energy. At that point I told myself that I couldn't handle Christianity and it felt like I rejected Christ. Not in so many words. I now try to reconcile this by saying to myself that it was a false gospel twisted by my crazy brain at that moment which I rejected. But even this doesn't explain my loss of ability to write like I used to when I was inspired by the Spirit...

But I am constantly thinking about this point as the point where I may have committed the dreaded apostasy, after knowing the gospel powers of the age to come. I too got lazy by OSAS and did not gird myself regarding the future of my soul and was caught up into a season of warfare that I was not prepared for at all. I don't know how I slipped into complacency but it was a process that took about a month of lessening prayer and daily recognition of the Spirit's presence in my life.

I constantly pray that God didn't let me go at that time and that I was made to endure that point of weakness to and for the future glory of Christ. However, I cannot see how my current Spiritual trajectory would in any way give glory to Christ more so than if I had never slipped into such complacency. I pine for the victorious life I could have now been living in, had I not had this point of weakness, which is potentially worldly grief, which causes death. Though I pine for the spiritual connection with Christ that I feel has been inhibited.

In 2 Thess 3:3 it says that God will protect those who are His from the evil one. And in 1 John it says that the evil one does not touch the one whom God protects. Well, I was molested by the evil one's mechanisms thoroughly. My problem is that I do not know whether these thoughts/blasphemies really came from the evil one or if they came from my own heart. If the latter, then I'm in trouble.

I constantly remunerate on these thoughts throughout the day and there is never really any silver lining. I know people say that if you obsess over the unforgivable sin then you couldn't have committed it, but what if that is simply not true? I really have no clue what to do. Even my prayers don't seem as inspired as they once were. I still pray and seek God daily, but I feel I may have abandoned my one hope in this world and the world to come, without cognizance. I have been going over Hebrews 6:4-6 like mad, browsing any article I can find to find comfort but comfort is sparse. Any advice would be appreciated.

This is the confession you can make:

I am:
A child of God
A new creation in Christ
Jesus is my brother
Seated with Jesus at the right hand of God
Part of the family of God
Totally righteous in Christ
Not under any condemnation at all
Filled with the Holy Spirit
Blessed with every spiritual blessing in heavenly places
Have all authority over the devil and his demons
Able to come boldly to the throne of grace to find mercy and grace to help in time of need
Jesus is my refuge and strength, a very present help in time of trouble
The law of the Spirit of life has set me free from the law of sin and death
Jesus has set me free from the body of death
My sins have been removed from you as far as the east is from the west.
If I confess my sin, God is faithful and just to forgive me and cleanse me from all unrighteousness.
God has buried my sins in the deepest sea of His forgetfulness and put up a sign, "No fishing!"

Also, make these statements before God:

The armour of God is for, to provide me with the weapons of my warfare.
I have the helmet of salvation as a born again Christian,
I have the breastplate of the righteousness of Christ which has been given to me as a free gift from God,
I have the shield of faith to quench the fiery darts of the enemy,
I have the belt of truth - the foundation of God's Word,
My feet are shod with the gospel of peace.
I also have the sword of the Spirit, using the Word of God as a weapon against the doubts and fears the enemy would attack me in my mind,
I have the weapon of all-prayer, in which I can pour out my heart to God.

This is what you are in Christ, regardless of how you feel. The condemnation you feel is a "condemnation bomb" that has been dropped on you, either by a lying spirit or some unwise advisor. You have the choice to either believe them, or what the Bible says about you.

 

[SarahsKnight]

My problem is that I do not know whether these thoughts/blasphemies really came from the evil one or if they came from my own heart.

From what you say, I really do not see how the blasphemies could have come from anything but the evil one. If they were from your true heart, I sincerely doubt you would even be here today to lament over your feelings of condemnation. Why would anyone who has truly committed apostasy or the unforgivable sin even care enough about it to be concerned or afraid?

I know people say that if you obsess over the unforgivable sin then you couldn't have committed it, but what if that is simply not true?

Does God condemn those who are broken hearted as you are right now? You clearly don't want to be estranged from Him, and the last time I checked, Jesus will "in no wise cast out" such folk. You are going through a hard trial right now, @friend of , and that is the reason it only seems like you are feeling condemned or God has cast you away. Believe me, I know this because I went through basically the same thing as you. I can especially attest to how I did the same as you here:

I have been going over Hebrews 6:4-6 like mad, browsing any article I can find to find comfort but comfort is sparse.

... and the passage in Hebrews 6 here was definitely one of those verses I would get scared over every time I thought about it, and I would go obsessively finding whatever answers were out there on the Internet or to fellow believers in person who I knew I could talk to about things like this. You can't let these things scare you, Friend. I know it will be really hard to avoid doing this at first, because of your compulsion to find all the answers (again, this is totally the same as some of my symptoms of OCD when I went through this myself), but you should avoid trying to look up answers and explanations to passages and verses from the Bible that sound condemning at a glance. Because the more times you try to look them up, the more different opinions and views you will get on them, and they will just leave you feeling more insecure and confused and thinking "what if, what if ...?" over and over.

I will pray for your peace, my friend.

 

[tdidymas]

I feel like, at one pivotal point of weakness in my life, I may have cast off the Lord by failing to trust in Him when I really needed to. I can still somewhat maintain that I did not commit this intentionally, as I was assailed by intrusive thoughts that I just wanted them to stop, but they wouldn't. My mind was going haywire and the thoughts were telling me I was surrounded by aliens who were feasting upon human believers spiritual energy. At that point I told myself that I couldn't handle Christianity and it felt like I rejected Christ. Not in so many words. I now try to reconcile this by saying to myself that it was a false gospel twisted by my crazy brain at that moment which I rejected. But even this doesn't explain my loss of ability to write like I used to when I was inspired by the Spirit...

But I am constantly thinking about this point as the point where I may have committed the dreaded apostasy, after knowing the gospel powers of the age to come. I too got lazy by OSAS and did not gird myself regarding the future of my soul and was caught up into a season of warfare that I was not prepared for at all. I don't know how I slipped into complacency but it was a process that took about a month of lessening prayer and daily recognition of the Spirit's presence in my life.

I constantly pray that God didn't let me go at that time and that I was made to endure that point of weakness to and for the future glory of Christ. However, I cannot see how my current Spiritual trajectory would in any way give glory to Christ more so than if I had never slipped into such complacency. I pine for the victorious life I could have now been living in, had I not had this point of weakness, which is potentially worldly grief, which causes death. Though I pine for the spiritual connection with Christ that I feel has been inhibited.

In 2 Thess 3:3 it says that God will protect those who are His from the evil one. And in 1 John it says that the evil one does not touch the one whom God protects. Well, I was molested by the evil one's mechanisms thoroughly. My problem is that I do not know whether these thoughts/blasphemies really came from the evil one or if they came from my own heart. If the latter, then I'm in trouble.

I constantly remunerate on these thoughts throughout the day and there is never really any silver lining. I know people say that if you obsess over the unforgivable sin then you couldn't have committed it, but what if that is simply not true? I really have no clue what to do. Even my prayers don't seem as inspired as they once were. I still pray and seek God daily, but I feel I may have abandoned my one hope in this world and the world to come, without cognizance. I have been going over Hebrews 6:4-6 like mad, browsing any article I can find to find comfort but comfort is sparse. Any advice would be appreciated.

Many Christians (such as myself) have gone through "desert experiences." In such cases, God calls us to a greater trust in Him. "Whoever trusts in Him (Christ) shall not be disappointed." So then, perseverance in trusting God for your future, and in Christ as your Good Shepherd guide in life, would be the order of the day.

Many of our struggles stem in the fact that we pay too much attention to our feelings. To grow in faith and maturity, we are not to allow our feelings to dictate what we are to believe and do. We must take time to focus on God's word, and make that our guide, since sometimes our feelings are in opposition to what the Word tells us. I suggest to exercise the discipline of scripture memorization. For me, that activity has been the greatest help in my faith over the long-term.
TD

 

[mmksparbud]

This is the confession you can make:

I am:
A child of God
A new creation in Christ
Jesus is my brother
Seated with Jesus at the right hand of God
Part of the family of God
Totally righteous in Christ
Not under any condemnation at all
Filled with the Holy Spirit
Blessed with every spiritual blessing in heavenly places
Have all authority over the devil and his demons
Able to come boldly to the throne of grace to find mercy and grace to help in time of need
Jesus is my refuge and strength, a very present help in time of trouble
The law of the Spirit of life has set me free from the law of sin and death
Jesus has set me free from the body of death
My sins have been removed from you as far as the east is from the west.
If I confess my sin, God is faithful and just to forgive me and cleanse me from all unrighteousness.
God has buried my sins in the deepest sea of His forgetfulness and put up a sign, "No fishing!"

Also, make these statements before God:

The armour of God is for, to provide me with the weapons of my warfare.
I have the helmet of salvation as a born again Christian,
I have the breastplate of the righteousness of Christ which has been given to me as a free gift from God,
I have the shield of faith to quench the fiery darts of the enemy,
I have the belt of truth - the foundation of God's Word,
My feet are shod with the gospel of peace.
I also have the sword of the Spirit, using the Word of God as a weapon against the doubts and fears the enemy would attack me in my mind,
I have the weapon of all-prayer, in which I can pour out my heart to God.

This is what you are in Christ, regardless of how you feel. The condemnation you feel is a "condemnation bomb" that has been dropped on you, either by a lying spirit or some unwise advisor. You have the choice to either believe them, or what the Bible says about you.

Joh_3:17 For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.
Isa_1:18 Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.

I once told the Lord out loud to go away, leave me alone and I was quite willing to march into hell---I am grateful He did not listen to me!! The only sin that God can not forgive--Is the one that we do not ask to be forgiven for. When God forgives--He forgets--quite reminding Him!!

Jer 31:34 And they shall teach no more every man his neighbour, and every man his brother, saying, Know the LORD: for they shall all know me, from the least of them unto the greatest of them, saith the LORD: for I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more.

(Psalm 103:12).“As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us”

Once you've asked for forgiveness and God has forgiven--you have to take it on faith that He has forgiven and forgotten and so should you!!

Php_3:13 Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,

The condemnation you feel is not coming from God but Satan to make you doubt God's mercy.

 

[daffers234]

I constantly pray that God didn't let me go at that time and that I was made to endure that point of weakness to and for the future glory of Christ ... Though I pine for the spiritual connection with Christ that I feel has been inhibited.

I know how you feel because I have gone through much of the same sorts of things myself.

A couple of years ago I went through what one might call a "desert experience." I describe it best by saying I felt like a tree or plant that had gone dormant. The desire for God was still there, but I was afraid to be with Him because I was afraid He'd be angry. I thought He was bored and frustrated with me and that I didn't matter. I barely prayed, and only read through my Bible as a chore - because I was "supposed to."

Even my prayers don't seem as inspired as they once were. I still pray and seek God daily, but I feel I may have abandoned my one hope in this world and the world to come, without cognizance.

A change came for me when I decided to be more deliberate about my personal time with God. I can't guarantee it will "work" for you, but I encourage you to try. I started reading my Bible after college classes were over instead of stuffing it in when I was exhausted, and I decided to pray thoughtfully for at least 5 minutes. It was HARD at first. I would sit there, say a couple things, then look at the time and see only 30 seconds had passed! And my prayers were by no means inspired or good-sounding. And you know what? He heard. I came out of the "dormancy" and am doing better.

Again, I can't guarantee you'll get the same results; but don't worry about prayers being uninspired. One of the simplest prayers recorded in the Bible was from Peter when he said, "Lord, help me!" as he started to sink.

In 2 Thess 3:3 it says that God will protect those who are His from the evil one. And in 1 John it says that the evil one does not touch the one whom God protects. Well, I was molested by the evil one's mechanisms thoroughly. My problem is that I do not know whether these thoughts/blasphemies really came from the evil one or if they came from my own heart. If the latter, then I'm in trouble.

I have also experienced this: constant and thorough oppression by the evil one, in my heart and mind. I thought I was nuts until I made friends with a very spiritually-sensitive person who helped confirm it. (It's a long story.)

When the Bible says the evil one doesn't touch us, I don't think that's the same as "not being oppressed, tempted, or deceived." The evil one cannot touch us when we're dead; Luke 12 and Mark 10 tell us this. The evil one cannot take us and enter us, because we are God's temple and His Spirit dwells within us - He is too strong to allow that and He will not allow it for us. However - they are sometimes permitted to harass us. I don't know why. I wish I did!

Remember that even Jesus was tempted, and that Satan did not leave Him alone the first time Jesus rebuked him. Sometimes we let our guard down and then enemies move in - they can be the world, the flesh, or the devil, as the Bible says.

Sometimes stuff just happens because we are in a world tainted by sin. We all have sinful natures and sometimes, because we're human, the flesh takes over. I am NOT condoning sin, or excusing it, but I am saying, if you are afraid because you've had blasphemous thoughts in your heart, you aren't alone, and there is forgiveness for it.

I know people say that if you obsess over the unforgivable sin then you couldn't have committed it, but what if that is simply not true?

The best explanation I have ever heard about the unpardonable sin is that it is simply those who have refused Christ while still alive, then die without Him - something He absolutely hates (see Ezekiel 18). It's a warning for our good, not a condemnation to make us afraid. From your posts it sounds like you are a Christian and have accepted Him, so you do not need to worry.

I would like to finish with something I would really like you to understand. Paul underwent much of the same things you do and had the same struggles. Take a look:
O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? I thank God - through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, with the mind I myself serve the law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin. (There is) therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to to the Spirit." (Romans 7:25-8:1)

Proverbs says: For a righteous man may fall seven times, and rise again; but the wicked shall fall by calamity. (Proverbs 24:16)

I know you're worried that you're walking according to the flesh. I know too that you're worried that you're wicked. That's where God comes in.

It is GOD who will sanctify you from unrighteousness and cleanse you from sin. Your works, wicked in the flesh though they may be, are forgiven if you ask Him to forgive you. I know it doesn't feel like you're forgiven. But like another poster said, condemnation is NOT from God (see above), and I want to encourage you not to dwell so much on it but rather to praise God for His forgiveness and love towards you.

May He bless you richly!!!

 

[Gottservant]

You may just be reading these I don't know.

I had a bad spell with the Devil myself: I was sleeping listening to heavy metal music, when I awoke saying "satan take my heart" (for a reason I could not fathom).

It bugged me to this day, but even before I read your post, I realized that what I wasn't doing was confessing Christ: not just confessing Him, understand, but revealing the light of the confession to Satan, in a way Satan could understand.

If you enter into a pact with the Devil, the only way out is to give the Devil something greater than what he had in the pact with you (like distracting a baby with a newer rattle, sort of thing).

It basically sucks the life out of your faith, when the Devil gets a foothold - but look at me, friend, I actually had a pact with the Devil and I still managed to find faith again (in no small measure because of your testimony).

 

[1213]

...I still pray and seek God daily, but I feel I may have abandoned my one hope in this world and the world to come, without cognizance. I have been going over Hebrews 6:4-6 like mad, browsing any article I can find to find comfort but comfort is sparse. Any advice would be appreciated.

"Two men went up into the temple to pray; one was a Pharisee, and the other was a tax collector. The Pharisee stood and prayed to himself like this: 'God, I thank you, that I am not like the rest of men, extortioners, unrighteous, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week. I give tithes of all that I get.' But the tax collector, standing far away, wouldn't even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, 'God, be merciful to me, a sinner!' I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted."
Luke 18:10-14

I think that story tells about what it means to be righteous. It means person has right understanding and understands when he has done wrongly and regrets it, if he has done wrongly. I don’t know you or anyone well enough to tell who is righteous, but if one regrets wrong doings, I think that can be seen as a good sign of righteousness.

For a righteous man falls seven times, and rises up again; But the wicked are overthrown by calamity.
Pro. 24:16


These will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.
Mat. 25:46

So, I believe you still have hope, God is merciful. Crucial thing is, how do you want to live rest of your life. If you want to do good, does it really matter what would be the afterlife?