Confusing for me..HELP PLEASE!!!!!!PLEASE!!!

[HolyOne87]

Ok, i started talking to a guy maybe a year ago. We talked on occasion then, but now in the past month we talk to each other all the time. We enjoy talking to each other.
We recently said we both had feelings for each other and would want to start dating each other.
There is one or two big problems though that are holding us both back from pursuing this...

1) His best friend is my best friends brother. And we both felt it would put them both in an awkward position. I feel my best friends brother wont mind, but my best friend I know would throw a fit. She basically always makes me feel that if i date someone, our friendship would end and she would talk about me behind my back (yeah, nice best friend huh?). But when she was dating and I was single, I was fine with it. I didn't mind her dating someone at all.
But when I want to date someone and shes single, its like "oh no you cant do that" or something. Whats so wrong about me dating someone? She continuasly feels that I would forget her but I ALWAYS tried talking to her. There was a time once, where I was in a relationship and she wasnt, and she was talking so much..umm..i'll say, "bad stuff" about me saying i forgot about her when I didnt. She went on and on about it. It drove me nuts. I'd always talk to her and we hung out still. The only difference was I had a boyfriend. I just dont get it. Why is it okay for her to date but not me? I seriously dont get it.
And when she does date, she throws me off to the side and consumes her life with her SO and barely, if ever, contacts me. I am just super confused.

I know thats a super long scenario and i tried to explain it to the best of my ability.
Thats really the only things holding us back right now. And we both don't want to dismiss our feelings for each other because we feel its very strong. I am not sure what to do.

How can me and this guy date if I am near 100% sure my best friend will be a pain about it?

I just need advice on how to approach such a situation. My best friend just went through a lot of stuff, so I felt adding this would make her go on an even bigger depressed/angry tirade.

What should I do? Any advice would be great.
Thank You

 

[peanutbutter12]

You can't let this co-called "best friend" hold you back in life. You need to lay the law down with her and tell her strait out that this is YOUR decision and if she has a problem with it, than she can go whine about it to someone else. Friends don't tell you they will spread bad rumors around about you if you're going to date someone and they don't agree. That's not friendship at all, and if she truly cared, she would step off and let you live your life. It's really her choice, she can be a part of it as your friend, or she can fade away and become a memory. I would not allow her to make this decision for you. It's selfish, mean, and not at all what a friend should be like.

Also, the connection is a little off... His best friend is your best friends brother? So... yah... ok. I don't see how that would affect anything between you and this guy.

I'd say, sit down with your friend and tell her how it is, then make the decision for yourself.

CJ

 

[nbiol]

1. Dont let your "best" "friend" hold you back. Heres why I put that in quotes seperately. You may regard her as your "best" friend but is she really that? Is she the one who will support you through anything you do even if it means that you compromise your time with her? and two, if she was a friend she wouldnt have this major double standard and be happy that you're happy. Friends rejoice together and weep together. Is she weeping when you're rejoicing?
2.) Seek God through this. HE's your best friend and if it's his will for you two to be together, he'll keep pushing you two together, with or without interference from your friend. Your friend seems to be selfish... YOU need to make this decision WITH God on whether or not you'll be with this person. Your friend shouldnt be involved in that process unless he's a really bad guy and she's just looking out for you.

Make sense?
All blessings to ya!
Lis

 

[Blank123]

You can't let this co-called "best friend" hold you back in life. You need to lay the law down with her and tell her strait out that this is YOUR decision and if she has a problem with it, than she can go whine about it to someone else. Friends don't tell you they will spread bad rumors around about you if you're going to date someone and they don't agree. That's not friendship at all, and if she truly cared, she would step off and let you live your life. It's really her choice, she can be a part of it as your friend, or she can fade away and become a memory. I would not allow her to make this decision for you. It's selfish, mean, and not at all what a friend should be like.

Also, the connection is a little off... His best friend is your best friends brother? So... yah... ok. I don't see how that would affect anything between you and this guy.

I'd say, sit down with your friend and tell her how it is, then make the decision for yourself.

CJ

1. Dont let your "best" "friend" hold you back. Heres why I put that in quotes seperately. You may regard her as your "best" friend but is she really that? Is she the one who will support you through anything you do even if it means that you compromise your time with her? and two, if she was a friend she wouldnt have this major double standard and be happy that you're happy. Friends rejoice together and weep together. Is she weeping when you're rejoicing?
2.) Seek God through this. HE's your best friend and if it's his will for you two to be together, he'll keep pushing you two together, with or without interference from your friend. Your friend seems to be selfish... YOU need to make this decision WITH God on whether or not you'll be with this person. Your friend shouldnt be involved in that process unless he's a really bad guy and she's just looking out for you.

Make sense?
All blessings to ya!
Lis

okay these two pretty much summed up what i was going to say. I wouldn't allow my friends bad feelings about me being in a relationship to stop me from being with my guy unless they had something substantial to back up their hard feelings about the relationship. Jealousy ain't enough.

This is your life and you can't let her control it for you or emotionally manipulate you, whatever problems she has with the idea of your being in a relationship are her problems that she needs to deal with.

 

[Stolic]

You can't let this co-called "best friend" hold you back in life. You need to lay the law down with her and tell her strait out that this is YOUR decision and if she has a problem with it, than she can go whine about it to someone else. Friends don't tell you they will spread bad rumors around about you if you're going to date someone and they don't agree. That's not friendship at all, and if she truly cared, she would step off and let you live your life. It's really her choice, she can be a part of it as your friend, or she can fade away and become a memory. I would not allow her to make this decision for you. It's selfish, mean, and not at all what a friend should be like.

Also, the connection is a little off... His best friend is your best friends brother? So... yah... ok. I don't see how that would affect anything between you and this guy.

I'd say, sit down with your friend and tell her how it is, then make the decision for yourself.

CJ

1. Dont let your "best" "friend" hold you back. Heres why I put that in quotes seperately. You may regard her as your "best" friend but is she really that? Is she the one who will support you through anything you do even if it means that you compromise your time with her? and two, if she was a friend she wouldnt have this major double standard and be happy that you're happy. Friends rejoice together and weep together. Is she weeping when you're rejoicing?
2.) Seek God through this. HE's your best friend and if it's his will for you two to be together, he'll keep pushing you two together, with or without interference from your friend. Your friend seems to be selfish... YOU need to make this decision WITH God on whether or not you'll be with this person. Your friend shouldnt be involved in that process unless he's a really bad guy and she's just looking out for you.

Make sense?
All blessings to ya!
Lis

okay these two pretty much summed up what i was going to say. I wouldn't allow my friends bad feelings about me being in a relationship to stop me from being with my guy unless they had something substantial to back up their hard feelings about the relationship. Jealousy ain't enough.

This is your life and you can't let her control it for you or emotionally manipulate you, whatever problems she has with the idea of your being in a relationship are her problems that she needs to deal with.

I totally agree with all posts so far - how can she call herself a friend if she does not follow scripture and esteem you higher than herself, as Christ taught? I have been in these so-called "toxic relationships" and trust me, you need to give yourself space to stand up for yourself.

Your "friend" sounds like she needs to sort out some control issues herself and let you make decisons based on what God instructs for you and needs to realise that she is to support you, if ever she had to disagree, it must be in love, by God's leading and not for her own gain.

Take much care of yourself sis, and I pray that God will give you an answer.

 

[MN John]

I think we all agree. The truth is that your relationship with a potential future husband is more important than the relationship with your friend. You can show her that you are not as bad as her about ignoring your friends in favor of your SO, and she can decide whether she is a good enough friend to accept second place. But really, if she doesn't change and you lose her ... it doesn't seem like that big of a loss.

 

[mikeyp]

I can really appreciate your situation, because although I've never been in it, I know how close I was to my best friend when Lisa and I fell in love. Thankfully he was cool with it and just let me get on with it, but the thought does occur what would I do if I were in your situation. I was really close to him and would have been troubled just the same way you are. How can you turn down a best friend of 10 years even if they have turned into something less than a best friend.
Honestly the best thing to do it pray about it. God knows exactly where He wants you, and He will organise everything for you if you will let Him.
Since falling in love with Lisa though, Lewis and I have both gone our separate ways and departed for university. Lisa's now become my very best friend, and I do spend more time with her than anyone else, but she's where my priorities lie. In my life there's God at no. 1, Lisa at no. 2 and then everybody else.
Honestly you need to consider what's more important for you... then ask God about it, because only with God will you make the right decision. It won't necessarily be easy but it will be right. If you do that, you will look back in the future, and realise why God made that decision.

I hope it all goes well for you.
God bless.

 

[MrsSeptemberPenguin]

You can't let your best friend hold back your life. Maybe try talking to her about it before you actually start dating this guy. Let her know that her feelings are important to you, but that you can not let her run your life, and that you can not put your life on hold for you. She sounds like she likes to be in control, but there are some things that have to be let go. Honestly, a good friend wouldn't ask you to not date when she knows you could be with someone who makes you happy, especially if you are still going to hang out and talk with her, anyway, that's my two cents.

 

[HolyOne87]

Thanks for the replies everyone. The guy im looking to date and myself are planning to meet with my best friend and her brother about it.
We talked on the phone last night (the guy and myself) and kept saying we really don't want to dismiss what we feel. He said he really likes me (as i do him) and we want to see how far we can go. Within the next week or two, we are gonna have a sit down with them and just say how we feel.
I am hoping my best friend understands. We are just going to be straight up and honest.

 

[HolyOne87]

ok, i talked to my best friend..She is acting like its the end of the world. She feels I will make the same mistake twice(last year, I didnt realize I made her feel pushed aside--this was after 1 week of dating someone). She never told me, and instead, started talking about me on her away messages and stuff...saying nasty things.

I don't get it. I really don't. I know how she acts, and trust me, it never is pretty when she gets upset.

I am not sure how to approach this now. I want to date the guy, yet I do not want my best friend feeling all down.

I am pretty much the only person she hangs with and talks to.

What would you do?

 

[Blank123]

i think all you can do is make an effort to let her know she's still an important part of your life, and then she has to realize that when you're dating/courting someone that person comes first - she can't expect to always be the number 1 person in your life.

 

[Gods4me]

hi. my best friend is not really like this but i alwasy feel bad cause she doesnt have a bf when i do. i always make sure i spend time with her to. just so she dont feel like im ditcing her when i have soem thing better.

keep her in the loop let her know that you like the guy and id start seeing him. ifshe is gonna get angry about it and not talk to you then i would say thats her problem. i know shes your best friend but she shpuld understand that you want to be with this guy.

i think you should go for it with the guy but u should make sure you still spend time with your mate and make sure she know that it dont change the friendship.