Confused!!!!

[ImmanuelsMoey]

Hi there . I met this guy, let's call him Darren, about 2years ago. We were in college together and on the day he spoke to me he told me God was the one that kept impressing on his heart to do so. We began dating, living together (but we're not anymore) and we've really become the 'bestest' of friends. He moved away recently, which I'm grateful for because living together was no longer an option as my relationship with Christ grew more "intense". He's a Christian, but he's a "luke-warm" Christian, goes to Church when he feels like it, drinks occassionaly, reads the bible now and again and he doesn't really like talking about God (his relationship with God is somewhere down there on his list of priorities) and I'm the opposite. Even though we've decided to stop dat
ing, because of distance, we can't seem to let go :'(. I prayed for God to separate us and heal my heart so I can get over him, but now we're closer than ever before, and our love, friendship and understanding of each other grows by the day. I pray for his salvation everyday, and for everyone else's, because I know it's God's will for all of us to be sanctified. Should I pray harder for God to help us fall out of love with each other so I can end up with someone who is "more Christian", or should I pray harder for his sanctification, carry on loving him, be patient and trust God to bring him into His sacred space as He has done with me. I'd honestly rather do the latter because our love for each other has gone far beyond a boyfriend-girlfriend thing and has moved into a space that is very difficult to get out of. Whether I end up with him or not, I want him to be saved and sanctified, but with regards to our relationship, I really have no idea what God wants me to do. I feel so stupid.

 

[ginger16]

Remember that you can't change him, so only if you're content for him to stay the way he is should you continue the relationship.

 

[The Nihilist]

You should probably pray harder.

 

[ImmanuelsMoey]

Thanks for the response. I know I can't change him but I was hoping God would be able to. I'm starting to think love has nothing to do with marriage or relationships. Oh well. I'll just pray harder for God to seperate us. Thanks again. I appreciate it.

 

[Youbrace]

I just had the same situation and decided to leave. Eventually the infatuation you two share will wear off and you will still be stuck with an unbeliever. I know how it feels wanting to talk about god everyday yet having to hold back so not to upset them.

You can't save him or make him more of a follower and since you cant I don't see it in gods will for you to be unequally yoked. Have patience and wait for gods best. Wish you luck!

 

[NiobiumTragedy]

I'm starting to think love has nothing to do with marriage or relationships.

Know who else says things like that? Divorced people.

 

[ImmanuelsMoey]

Niobium Tragedy, I said that out of complete devastation, haha. I'm sure love does exist in relationships and marriage. Youbrace, After speaking to Darren, he understood and respected where I was coming from, from a Christian view point. He just doesn't understand why I've just suddenly given up on him. I was basically reminded that once upon a time I was in the place that he is currently in, and it wasn't by my own efforts but by God's Grace that I got to where I am today. And when he, one day, gets to that place, it'll be by the same Grace. And he strongly believes that God will pull us out of this storm as He has done before. I'll continue to stand in prayer for him, but as far as marriage and a relationship goes, that's a no go area at the moment.

 

[NiobiumTragedy]

So let me ask you: if you were to marry someone and they went through a situation in where their faith became weakened and decimated, would you leave them because their faith was not as strong as yours?

Everyone has ups and downs. One day there will come a time when your own faith will falter. If you truly care about someone, you will try to support them rather than leaving them because they don't have as strong of faith.

 

[147]

I had a period of lukewarmness. My fiance (then, just a friend) witnessed this whole period. I had several bad things happen to me in a series of a few months (I had gotten evicted from my apartment, my mission trip fell through, my mom had a heartattack, and my cat of 15 years died). Pretty rough time. And I struggled with my faith, and felt lacking in any direction. Plus things were rough at work. REALLY rough.

So she witnessed me struggling and questioning and feeling depressed. And she continued to try to encourage me. And pray for me. But after discussing that time now, she mentioned there was times she wanted to walk away from me. But she didn't. She knew, for some reason, she needed to stay close.

One night, she sent me a text message. The phone I received it on broke a couple months later, so I can merely paraphrase, but it said something to the effect of "I will be praying for you. I know you can't trust me fully right now. But I am not giving up on you, and neither has God."

And that was the first part of the breaking point for me. And at a revival service a week or two later, I had a complete turnaround.

A couple months later, we started dating, and a year later, we were engaged.

Now, this may not happen with you. I am not guaranteeing this will. But when I read the OP's posts, I felt like I needed to share my experience from the wavering person's POV.

 

[Tim Myers]

Forgive my bluntness....but why didn't he put a ring on your finger??.........

 

[ImperialPhantom]

Wow, holy cow. So because the guy doesn't like to spend 24 hours a day, seven days per week, reading the Bible and talking about God, and likes to have an adult beverage every now and then (which God never commanded against), despite being a believer according to you, now you dump him and consider him to 'not be saved' because he is not 'as Christian' as you are?

There is no such thing as more or less Christian. You're either with God or not with God. You're either a follower of Christ or not a follower of Christ.

Maybe God is trying to tell you to stop judging the guy so harshly and to stop abandoning him. If you two were married would you break your vows and leave him if his faith wasn't strong enough at the time? Are you emotionally ready to handle a marriage vow that says 'Til death do us part' and not leave because he's struggling with his faith or just has a different kind of faith in Christ than you do?

 

[ImmanuelsMoey]

Niobium, I'm praying for him ALWAYS and I'm always available for him when he needs to talk or when he needs prayer. But I'll be honest, sometimes it gets discouraging, especially when I talk about Jesus and he brushes it off and changes the subject very quickly. But I do understand that we're fighting spirits and not flesh and blood, and I will never stop praying for him and everybody else that needs intercession. My leaving the relationship wouldn't mean that I've given up on him completely. With that said...I'm still not certain about leaving the relationship.

147 Thanks for sharing that. He's mentioned to me that he needs my support and so forth. It just got VERY confusing for me and I wasn't able to discern where my fears, doubts, affirmations, faith etc was coming from. Was God trying to get me out of the relationship and satan trying to keep me there? Was God trying to keep in the relationship and satan trying to get me out?


Tim, I appreciate that sort of bluntness . Him and I come from different backgrounds and races, and we both value our families. And the first time the thought of marriage had popped into our heads, his family and friends had discouraged it, purely based on race. And now he wants to get married, and even though he says the "social commentary" doesn't bother him, I can't help but feel a little sadness on his part (if he chooses the girl, he risks losing some of his friends), but he's trying to be strong so I don't lose faith in him I guess.

 

[ImmanuelsMoey]

Hi Imperial. By 'drinks occasionally' I meant he gets drunk. I'm not judging him, I may come across as judgemental but I'm not.

If we were married I'd stay in the marriage and continue to pray for him. But this is a relationship, and as someone mentioned before, an infatuation that will go away after a while. I have no idea whether Darren will change or not, and I don't want to wait till AFTER we're married to find out. I don't want to be in a marriage where I spend most of our lives together praying for his salvation and not enjoying our union.

I don't have to be in a relationship with him to pray for him or witness to him.

I will say though, from the time I made the first post there has been a little change in habits. But I'm still unable to discern whether he's changing just because he wants to convince me to marry him, or whether he is genuinely changing. Maybe he just has a fear of losing me and will say anything to make me stay! Maybe God really is preparing us for marriage and the storms that come with it! I'm still praying though...and seeking wise counsel.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

You keep saying 'for his salvation' yet you said already that the guy is a Christian. How are you so sure of his unsaved status?

 

[Youbrace]

He's not saved in the first place, no need to be a judge here it's just the truth. Saved souls don't quickly change the subject concerning Jesus. Such bad advice in this thread ESP from imperial.

 

[ImmanuelsMoey]

I'm leaving the WHOLE situation in God's hands. It's not my problem anymore. Thanks for everyone's input.

May you all be blessed.

 

[The Nihilist]

I'm leaving the WHOLE situation in God's hands. It's not my problem anymore. Thanks for everyone's input.

May you all be blessed.

What do you mean by that precisely?

 

[Melethiel]

He's not saved in the first place, no need to be a judge here it's just the truth. Saved souls don't quickly change the subject concerning Jesus. Such bad advice in this thread ESP from imperial.

Wow, that's judgmental. Maybe he's just uncomfortable with certain aspects of the conversation - I know I do when people get into the "Jesus is my boyfriend" type talk. Or even when people are overly enthusiastic and get all Pentecostal - I'm just not that type of person. Maybe it's the same for her boyfriend.

 

[ImmanuelsMoey]

Gonna stop wrecking my brain trying to figure out what to do. In His time, God will reveal what needs to be done and how.

 

[twins15]

Stay strong and keep praying!! God will show you the way