Confused!

[emmasmum]

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[Athene]

Are you still living with your husband? Are you seeking a divorce?

 

[MERCY@GRACE]

This will probably sound insensitive, but what is there to pray about?
You are married...do you think God will tell you it's ok to leave your husband for this man?

Your temptation is common, but it can be overcome. Most ppl don't think about the consequences of their affair, broken families, possibleSTD'S, ruined reputation, emotional baggage etc.

I'd say stay away from this man, you are too vulnerable and liable to make the wrong decisions. No good can come from it.

 

[AutumnDreamer]

When he is asking you to pray away the guilt he is asking you to ignore the nudging of the Holy Spirit. The guilt is there to prevent you from doing something wrong. And this man does not have your best interest at heart by asking you to sin. Get away from this man, refuse to see him anymore. What you are doing is adultery. Yes I understand you have not done anything with him, but the scriptures are clear, that having the act in your heart is as much sin as actually doing it.

 

[JulySheMustFly]

I agree with the previous posts.
What concerns me is the word volatile and bullying.
If those characteristics playout in a way that is abusive phsyically or emotionally that is what needs to be dealt with.

If you've already met up with him without your husband's knowledge you've already displeased God. He knows your heart. He also knows the heart of the man who met with you.

I would suggest praying not to remove the guilt but to remove your own desires so that you can clearly see God's will for you in this situation and express your willingness to God to truly follow Him.

 

[~Nikki~]

I agree with all the above.

PLEASE don't meet up with the guy. You will be asking for trouble if you do...

 

[Autumnleaf]

Praying for forgiveness when we choose to sin is sort of like saying we know the right thing God wants us to do but we choose to do the opposite of what he wants us to. You are smarter than that. If you wreck your marriage or even risk it in this way nothing good is likely to come of it.

 

[emmasmum]

Sorry, maybe i should rephrase. He asked me to not contact him, go away and pray and see if i get a feeling of peace about the situation and only phone him if i did.

 

[AutumnDreamer]

Sorry, maybe i should rephrase. He asked me to not contact him, go away and pray and see if i get a feeling of peace about the situation and only phone him if i did.

It is still the same thing. If you are married you should not even be praying about a situation with this guy. Your prayers should be for your husband, not another man.

 

[Telrunya]

No need to be confused at all.

Matthew 5:28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Matthew 5:32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery. (emphasis mine)

Mark 10:9-12 Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. He answered, "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery."

You should break off all contact with this other guy and focus on repairing your marriage and getting out of that "trapped" state of mind. You say your husband is volitile and has a bully streak. Is there physical abuse here? If there is then get out of the house and file a police report. Even if there is physical abuse your marriage can be saved once you get him fixed with counciling, love, accountability, and hard work. If there isn't physical abuse then stay with your husband and put any thoughts of a life without him out of your mind as "not a possibility or desire" Completely off limits.

 

[homeschooling_Momma]

without sounding like I am being judgemental, I would like to add that no matter what someone does to you, I have not seen an excuse or a 'free pass' to sin in my Bible.

What you are doing is wrong (I am sure you know this without my saying so) and you should not be behaving this way...it is in no way honoring your husband as we should according to the Bible (Proverbs 31, and Titus 2).

What your husband is doing is wrong as well....I am sure he is rationalizing what he is doing in his own mind the way that you are rationalizing your behaviour.

I am worried for you in this kind of violent situation. I pray that you have a plan of escape should you need it...but if you dont, please get one....

your marriage can be healed...you & your hubby can grow closer together & the Lord can completely make things new...but not while you have this sin in your marriage....you both are not fullfilling those things the Lord expects of us and has commanded of us as Christians, and as mates for life.

I suggest that you please go talk to your Pastor, and get help. Should you need to leave the situation due to this danger please tell this pastor so to where he can advice you to what can be done...face to face.

I know that you want to be the kind of wife that is 'praised at the gates' and I know that you didnt invision this kind of behavior from him or even from yourself when you promised forever....

but since this kind of behavior is going on...I beg you to please put this sin aside & never pick it up again.

I have recently lost my Mother & I understand how 'lost' you feel in regards to the loss....but I know that my Mother wouldnt for one second want me to be partaking in this kind of carrying on....I imagine your Mother would want you to be all you can be....you can do this...

You are such a good person I am sure...the devil can worm his way into our lives and our actions in the strangest way....we must always be on guard...

please take everything that I have posted in the spirit it is given....non judging (I am no judge, nor do I want to be)....I am speaking everything from love, and from Christian concern.

I believe in you...you can do this.

 

[Carri20]

I'm so sorry about what you're going through, emmasmum. I can only imagine the pain, emptiness, and emotional confusion you must be experiencing right now, and I will pray for you with all my heart.

It's true, the Bible says that divorce and remarriage is adultery. It also says that God hates divorce. Yet many people reason that a truly loving God would want them to be happy and blessed and fulfilled in life, so surely he must make an exception for their particular situation. This is a classic trick of the enemy.. First he injects a paralyzing sense of fear and entrapment, then he comes "as an angel of light" and provides you with what looks like a wonderful escape (usually another love interest). But the truth is that the corner you think you're backed into is nothing but a bunch of smoke and mirrors he's set up to trick you, and the "escape" is no less rigged. Too many married men and women fall into this trap, but you don't have to be one of them. You can be one of the few who choose the better way. Plus, if you truly care for this other man, you won't want to walk him down the path of adultery. It's not worth risking either of your souls.

When you and your husband were married, God joined you together as one and declared that nothing except death could rightfully separate you. This means you can never again be whole and complete without him. You need your husband, and believe it or not he needs you too. This isn't a hopeless doom sentence; it's a wonderful part of God's design. God is never wrong by the way. So this other guy really needs to be removed from the picture right away...not because he's "bad" or "evil" (I'm sure he's a very nice man), but because you both will be tempted to sin for as long as you continue to keep contact with one another. You must realize that God is calling you each in a different direction in life, then let go and have faith.

As for your relationship with your husband.. I would recommend Christian marriage counseling, or at the very least a good book on the subject. They can be very uplifting! But if that's not possible for whatever reason, here's what you can do..

First, make the decision to love your husband consistantly and pray for God's help in loving him. Love is a choice we all have to make if we want our marriages to work, so you're not the only one who will struggle with this. Focus primarily on agape love, which is the same love Christ has for you. This love is very accepting, very steadfast, and totally unconditional. Emphasis on unconditional. He shouldn't have to perform in order to receive agape love from you. He shouldn't have to do anything, really. It should just always be there as the cement that holds your marriage together, because agape love is about commitment. Don't worry about romantic love or the feeling of being in love. That kind of love is a byproduct of a good marriage, not the foundation for it, and it will come about naturally for both of you in time.

Then, respect your husband and be submissive to him. Many women find this to be one of God's toughest commands, but it's also one of the most rewarding. Men are so different from women.. Their hearts are touched in different ways. In marriage, nothing touches a man's heart like sex and respect. God made him this way. He needs to know that he is admired by his woman, that she finds him attractive, and that he can satisfy her like no one else. According to the Bible, we should do this for our husbands whether we feel they deserve it or not. Like agape love, it must be unconditional. Your respect and submission will do a lot to raise his confidence as a man. A confident man is a happy man, and a happy man will be more willing and able to please his wife in the ways she wants to be pleased. It may take a long time before you see any results, but you must keep at it. Call on God when things get tough; he'll give you the strength you need.

I read a quote once that went something like this -- "The grass isn't really greener on the other side of the fence. You have to water your own grass if you want a healthy lawn." I think that's so true. As you go through the motions and begin to fight for your marriage, avoid all thoughts of life without your husband. Resist the temptation to think your life would be better if you were alone or with someone else. Also avoid thoughts like, "This isn't fair. Why should I have to show him love and respect when he doesn't show me any?" (Love keeps no record of wrongs and it doesn't keep score.) Eliminate the word "divorce" from your vocabulary. Don't even keep it as a last resort in your mind. When you do that you're allowing Satan to stick his foot in the door and believe me, he'll keep pushing from there. Remember that Satan comes as an angel of light to deceive you. He's very good at what he does, so you'll need to keep your heart in check with scripture all the time. And pray constantly. I'll be praying for you too, and I'll bet there are others here at CF who are keeping you in prayer. You're stronger than you realize, sister in Christ. You can do this, and I believe your story will have a happy ending.

Peace & love!

 

[theend0218]

I would only add this: my guess is that your heart already desires to get out of your marriage and you are now looking for someone else to be with before ending your current marriage. I think that can be a problem. My suggestion would be to clearly make a decision before attempting to move on with someone else. The feeling trapped needs to be dealt with first. You are not trapped unless you refuse to take action on your current marriage. If you want out, by all means pursue that decision, but not by getting involved with someone else. It is always difficult to think clearly about your present situation once someone else has taken over your thoughts and become the object of your desire. What you are doing now (or wanting to do) is not fair to anyone involved.

 

[Entertaining_Angels]

Please, stay away from this guy. This happens in so many marriages and I've seen so many men and women rationalize these types of meetings. I'm guessing that in a ceremony at some point you promised God to love and cherish your husband until death you do part. If Jesus could come down and take your place on the cross, honoring your promise to Him is the least you can do. Put your energy into your marriage. Pray and be patient. You won't change your marriage overnight but if you lay these troubles before your Heavenly Father and trust Him to help you, He will.

I'll be praying for you.