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Confused about my sexual identity
- Thread starter Lucerne
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You sound very confused and unhappy, brother..I am so sorry that you are struggling with these things.
I know how uncomfortable it is to feel that your attractions are wrong, immoral or against God's wishes.
But, it seems t me from reading your posts that you have been confused by events in your childhood over which you had little control... and that your basic sexuality is normal.
OCD must make it even more difficult to understand your feelings.
I don't have any quick solutions.. all I can say is, concentrate on developing healthy relationships, and above all on your relationship with God, and I think the rest will, in time, resolve itself.
Is there someone you can talk to about this.. a pastor, councillor, or a trusted friend? It helps just to know that you are not alone..
Praying for you, brother.
I know how uncomfortable it is to feel that your attractions are wrong, immoral or against God's wishes.
But, it seems t me from reading your posts that you have been confused by events in your childhood over which you had little control... and that your basic sexuality is normal.
OCD must make it even more difficult to understand your feelings.
I don't have any quick solutions.. all I can say is, concentrate on developing healthy relationships, and above all on your relationship with God, and I think the rest will, in time, resolve itself.
Is there someone you can talk to about this.. a pastor, councillor, or a trusted friend? It helps just to know that you are not alone..
Praying for you, brother.
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madison1101
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- Sep 17, 2004
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First of all, let me say that temptations do not an identity make. They are complex, and Satan uses them to cause confusion and pain in our lives.
Your childhood traumas and experiences are part of this confusion, and need to be sorted out and worked through with someone who is sensitive and can guide you. I would recommend a licensed psychotherapist.
Most importantly, your identity is in Christ, and who HE says you are, and not what your desires say you are.
Hugs,
Trish
Your childhood traumas and experiences are part of this confusion, and need to be sorted out and worked through with someone who is sensitive and can guide you. I would recommend a licensed psychotherapist.
Most importantly, your identity is in Christ, and who HE says you are, and not what your desires say you are.
Hugs,
Trish
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- Aug 3, 2004
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Sometimes the insights professionals can give are useful, and we can then also add biblical perspectives to their insights and information, although this sometimes requires experienced and wise people to help youwith that.
John
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John
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Do not fall into that ...well there's no one out there that can help crap. That's just what people say who don't really want help ( I know I've been there) Just because you haven't found the person who can help or just because you don't have ears to hear it when it's offered ...doesn't mean help isn't there. If you are bipolar you should know that is an easy trap to fall into ( bipolars are usually smart and want to feel self reliant and do not respond well to therapy - you know that - so fight against it )
It sounds to me like this is more a problem of your OCD ( Or CDO for those who are really complusive and like the lettrs in the proper order )
You are obsessed with what is "normal" ( not morally or theologically - but normal as in do other people go through this? ) You want t know what is normal sexually so you can put your sexual life in order.
That is normal. Most people feel like freaks when it comes to sexuality ...most people just aren't so open to talking about it as you are ( thus no good advice )
Sexuality is made up of two things
1. our inclinations tendecies ...temptations ...what we would usually call orientation.
2. The actions we choose to commit.
You say yourself that your real attraction is to adult women.
If you are not abusing children and you aren't really attacted to them ...then you are not a pedilphile. It is not uncommon - in fact it's pretty normal for someone such as yourself who was sexually abused as a child to worry that they too will become an abuser. This is especially true for men who were abused ( it's less socially acceptable for boys to experience abuse than girls - I know that's ridicules but it's true ) since we hear all the time things like "most abusers were abused as children themselves" and we all assume men are more likely to become sexual predators -- it's pretty normal for you to worry that this will happen to you.
Your homosexual issues - you were abused by a male , you saw your dad objectify your mother and you experimented with another boy - these are all things that would normally cause someone to question their masculinity. A homosexual is someone who is consistently and (mostly) exclusively attracted to someone of the same sex ... you have stated this is not the case ... and more importantly to be fully homosexual you must engage in sex with another man ... you did not say you are choosing to do this.
Your interest in same sex is rooted in your childhood abuse. It doesn't make it any less there ...but at least you know where it comes from .that should help you keep it in perspective.
I have someone very close to me who worries about what is "normal" sexually too ( he was abused as well ... he struggles with same sex issues too ) it's noemal for a man who was abused to be overly concerned with what is normal ...because they know the abuse was not normal. You even created a "sickness" in your mind ....you are not the sick one ...the person who misused you is. Even if you at some level enjyed it ...or your later expirimentation ....There is NO SIN that is too big for God to forgive ...so if you think you've sinned confess to Jesus accept his forgiveness and stop hurting him by refusing to accept his Love and move on.
While understandable ...this obsession with what is normal is a form of self centeredness ...stop focusing on yourself and focus on the Lord ( I say that in the kindess way ...not to judge you but because I have been there myself! )
As far as your current relationship ... of course you are attracted to her ... she is non threatening ..and even if she is juvenille ...she needs love too. You do have some things in common with her as well ... and in some ways you compliment each other. Are there ways you can make your relationship better. ( By the way while it is "normal" you should not be having premaritial relations with this women ... you aren't sure where it is going ...but it sounds like you have already formed the ties that sexual relations create. If you truly desire a Christian wife ... if it be this womean or another ...then stop having sex ( if you are )
Christian Advice ... Trust Jesus ...this will be hard ...it's hard for abuse survivors to trust ... but just keep telling youself you trust Jesus.
It would be silly to give your Faith up because you see no solutions ...it's when we see no solutions that we need our faith the most ( believe me! )
It sounds to me like this is more a problem of your OCD ( Or CDO for those who are really complusive and like the lettrs in the proper order )
You are obsessed with what is "normal" ( not morally or theologically - but normal as in do other people go through this? ) You want t know what is normal sexually so you can put your sexual life in order.
That is normal. Most people feel like freaks when it comes to sexuality ...most people just aren't so open to talking about it as you are ( thus no good advice )
Sexuality is made up of two things
1. our inclinations tendecies ...temptations ...what we would usually call orientation.
2. The actions we choose to commit.
You say yourself that your real attraction is to adult women.
If you are not abusing children and you aren't really attacted to them ...then you are not a pedilphile. It is not uncommon - in fact it's pretty normal for someone such as yourself who was sexually abused as a child to worry that they too will become an abuser. This is especially true for men who were abused ( it's less socially acceptable for boys to experience abuse than girls - I know that's ridicules but it's true ) since we hear all the time things like "most abusers were abused as children themselves" and we all assume men are more likely to become sexual predators -- it's pretty normal for you to worry that this will happen to you.
Your homosexual issues - you were abused by a male , you saw your dad objectify your mother and you experimented with another boy - these are all things that would normally cause someone to question their masculinity. A homosexual is someone who is consistently and (mostly) exclusively attracted to someone of the same sex ... you have stated this is not the case ... and more importantly to be fully homosexual you must engage in sex with another man ... you did not say you are choosing to do this.
Your interest in same sex is rooted in your childhood abuse. It doesn't make it any less there ...but at least you know where it comes from .that should help you keep it in perspective.
I have someone very close to me who worries about what is "normal" sexually too ( he was abused as well ... he struggles with same sex issues too ) it's noemal for a man who was abused to be overly concerned with what is normal ...because they know the abuse was not normal. You even created a "sickness" in your mind ....you are not the sick one ...the person who misused you is. Even if you at some level enjyed it ...or your later expirimentation ....There is NO SIN that is too big for God to forgive ...so if you think you've sinned confess to Jesus accept his forgiveness and stop hurting him by refusing to accept his Love and move on.
While understandable ...this obsession with what is normal is a form of self centeredness ...stop focusing on yourself and focus on the Lord ( I say that in the kindess way ...not to judge you but because I have been there myself! )
As far as your current relationship ... of course you are attracted to her ... she is non threatening ..and even if she is juvenille ...she needs love too. You do have some things in common with her as well ... and in some ways you compliment each other. Are there ways you can make your relationship better. ( By the way while it is "normal" you should not be having premaritial relations with this women ... you aren't sure where it is going ...but it sounds like you have already formed the ties that sexual relations create. If you truly desire a Christian wife ... if it be this womean or another ...then stop having sex ( if you are )
Christian Advice ... Trust Jesus ...this will be hard ...it's hard for abuse survivors to trust ... but just keep telling youself you trust Jesus.
It would be silly to give your Faith up because you see no solutions ...it's when we see no solutions that we need our faith the most ( believe me! )
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