conflicted

When church and abuse get connected it can present a real issue for a person. It is important to try and accept that Jesus is not like that priest. Jesus wants to see you become confident in who you are and He is there for all of you. It's a bad association, not Jesus, or the other many fine Christians, that is making it hard for Ella.

John
NZ

While I was never abused by a priest or pastor, my abuser wanted to be a pastor. I eventually left the church where we were going at the time of the abuse, because it was too hard to be there. But the church isn't the relationship with God that we seek. It's been a long road, and there have been struggles in the department of spirituality, but there is a difference between religion and our walk with God.

There are bad people and abusers in every religion, but a true Christian would never abuse another person intentionally, and never perpetrate abuse that is immoral and illegal. I'd encourage Ella to look at Jesus and who He is and how He was when He walked the earth. How caring and gentle He was and is. How loving and forgiving He is.

Know that there are good preachers, priests and pastors. There are good men and women who would never abuse another person. I do hope she won't give up on Christianity - God loves you all so much.

You are not alone. There are a fair number of us who have felt disillusioned because of the contradictions in church regarding issues of abuse. The main turning point for me was when I truly realized that God is not people and people are not God. Thankfully! The more I came to know God for who He really is apart from others failings and my own, the more I saw how much He loves me and how much care He puts into caring for me. This takes time to build as does any relationship. I started by looking at the Bible and discovering what it said about the character of God and His love for us and realizing that God desires to help me heal and cope with my pain. It helped me to realize I can go to God regardless of how I feel, just as I am, and He deeply loves me. It also helped me to do some thing practicle like talking to a pastor / elders and saying this in not right these issues and attitudes need to be dealt with in our churches. We may not necessarily be patted on the shoulders for doing this but I believe it's crucial we don't suffer in silence. Abusers can take advantage of silence. I thank you for sharing and bringing up this issue because I think we need to talk about these things to make the church a safer place of healing. I found Psalm 139 helpful and reassuring that God is with me in my pain and life. Another passage that I kept in my mind over the years to remind me that regardless of who the abuser is, be it pastor, priest, christian father, christian mother, these people do not represent God and His character, is :

1. Luke 17:2
   It would be better for them to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around their neck than to cause one of these little ones to stumble.

A similar verse is also found in Matthew as well and it's a definite statement saying how God feels about the situation. This is a difficult issue and I thank you for sharing. Take care.

That's great. Just be aware that most people don't understand your condition. But the many good people can give you some new models which can help you move away from your past.

John
NZ

Dark Asylum said:

The abuse is making Ella feel conflicted between believing in some thing that hurt us or something else that did like Islam
that last week or so Ella has been reading up on Islam and wanting to become Muslim.
But she feels like she cant be welcome in a church any more because the abuser was a priest.

She don't know what to do her faith isn't so strong at the moment and she is feeling as if she should abandon Christianity all together.
We of course remain faithful
anyone else feel this way about there faith and there abuse

Sarah

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This breaks my heart. Not only that she has been badly mistreated by someone who declares the name of Christ but that she feels that God has abandoned her because of this. Jesus is a friends of not only the sinners but those who have been grieviously sinned against.

Dark Asylum said:

i stayed away from here because i felt that i needed time to think about things to do with God and how am feeling about being christian.
I know its hard to look at being christian without the past comes up.
But i know that there are good people out there who dont abuse kids.
I am going to try and focus on the good things about Christianity hopefully it helps me.

Ella

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Your situation isn't an easy one. I feel for you. I also understand your need for space so that you can think about things. Some times it helps to talk things out with someone who doesn't judge what you are feeling or thinking. I'm glad you're reaching out; I think this is important. You're welcome to talk to me through private messages if you wish. Take care and I'll be praying.

It is really hard to separate Church and faith in God, and abuse. They all get confused and mixed up together in your mind. I know this from experience, having been abused badly myself. In my mind, now, I can separate the two most of the time, but still find difficulty in going to Churches where there is a priest with the collar and the robes, etc. Especially if they are black, as in a cassock.

I am not a young person - in my sixties now, and lots of water has passed under the bridge, but still it lives with me.

It DOES get better, but even now, if I am not careful, it can come back to bite me. I don't trust priests, and never will, but God is different. We owe priests nothing, and do not have to do anything they say we must or should do. I try to separate myelf off from the priests or ministers, and just look at God. It gets easier with time. It is a hard road to healing. But healing DOES come, eventually. Talking does help.

Dark Asylum said:

Am still finding this hard to deal with i cant seem set foot inside a church without falling to pieces ...i want to be able to seek God but am so scared about it.

I have a new alter called Asphyxia She wants to learn more about Christianity . but i think am holding her back from it so that we don't get hurt again.

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Yeah, it can be difficult to go some where that reminds us of painful experiences. Taking risk not knowing how people with behave, respond, or just what we may remember and have to process during those times when we take the chance with people. During times like this I have a back up plan. If I don't feel comfortable, etc. I have a way of getting to a healthy place where I feel comfortable. I also have a plan to get to a healthy place in my feeling and thoughts if I'm doing things that I may feel uncomfortable doing. I carry along with me a written affirmation of God's love for me and that I'm valuable and worth while. I also may carry around my ipod with comforting music, a momento that reminds me of a safe place, etc. Some of these things can be helpful if we may get plagued with bad memories and feelings. Having someone around that gets it it also helpful. I hope you have support. This is something I've had a difficult time finding in my environment. You're in my prayers.