Concerned!

[LynzLovedByCHRIST]

This is my first post on here. I was searching the internet specifically for Christian forums, actually on dating, but I'm glad I found this one. It seems great, has so many things on it!
But yes, I am in need of some advice. And I'm sure that you guys need to know something about my boyfriend and I. So here ya go...
Joe and I are both 20 years old. We are both Christians, have been since childhood, his father is even a pastor. He and I have known each other since we were 12, but we didn't start dating until 15 months ago. I was very careful about getting into this relationship with him, I very carefully prayed about it, and up until the past few weeks, things have been great. Something is concerning me...
Joe frequents the mall in-between his classes, especially to visit a particular store where they sell video and computer games. This has been for about a year now. Well, come to find out, a girl named Michelle that he met once back when were in high school at a multi-school muscial thing, worked there. They hadn't had any contact since then, for years. He also joined the jazz band at school in January, of which Michelle is also in. Now, this semester, they have a class together. So they regularly see each other. I am pretty sure that one of the reasons he goes to the mall sometimes is to see Michelle, too. He has told me that she and him and another girl have gone and eaten lunch somewhere together at least two times in the last few months. There have been times when he and I are on a date, and he has talked a LOT about Michelle. We can go to the mall together, and he'll say, "Wonder if she's working?" I hate it, but I think, "Why should I care, how should I know?" Michelle and he have several things in common that he and I don't, like playing the trombone and absolutely LOVING to play music, while I just kinda love it (playing flute). They also both like video and computer games and play them a lot, while I don't, and also love anime and mangas and comic books. Those things are alright sometimes, but I prefer to do, watch, read, different things.
What I'm trying to get at is, how MUCH do I need to be concerned? We love each other and God, and most of the time, our communication is excellent. I trust him, but I admit I feel uncomfortable with the thought of him going to see her, hanging out with her even if she is working, and things like that.
What do you all think?
PS- I am fervently praying about this and our relationship. Also, I don't think Michelle knows Christ.

 

[Quantum_Man]

I think you should just talk to him about it and voice your concerns in a loving manner. Try not to do it in an accusing sort of way, but you have to let him know what your feelings are on the matter. Honesty and openess are so important in a relationship. Continue to pray as you have been doing. We can't tell you how much you should be concerned because no one here knows the heart of your bf or where he is at with this girl. So it's up to you to find out if there is something there or maybe it's nothing at all.

 

[Eccp19]

I dealt with a situation similar to yours a few years back. My girlfiend then also was amazed with this other boy and would often talk about him on dates and even spent time exclusively with him. (Forsaking others anyone??) What you need to do is talk with your boyfriend about this ASAP because if you don't, I guarentee that anger is going to build up inside of you until one day you explode. That happened to me and trust me, it was not a pretty situation.
So just pray to God, and talk to your boyfriend and don't hold anything back. Tell him every feeling you have. And don't be overly afraid of him rejecting or breaking up with you because if he does, then all that means is God has (unless you won't get married) another man for you who understands how important it is to forsake others and will treat you like a queen. Remember, no man is worth your grief and tears and the only one who is won't make you grieve or cry.

 

[invisiblebabe]

A few thoughts (warning, they're probably going to be pretty random):

-My fiance and I made an agreement that we are not to hang out exclusively with people of the opposite sex. What the people above me said about "forsaking all others" is so true...because he is supposed to love you best if he is committed to you... and how are you going to know he loves you best, when he gives quite a bit of attention to other girls?

-Let Joe know exactly how you feel about him talking about Michelle so much and spending time with her when you aren't around. Let him know you wonder if you should feel threatened by that. And finally, unless he has no other good friends, I would also recommend that you give him a choice: cut down significantly on his one-on-one time with Michelle.... or it's over. You should be the one he spends the most of his time and energy on... by far. If that isn't the way it is now, there's no reason it'll change if you guys ended up together.

Blessings
Kayli

 

[Iceman_Aragorn]

And finally, unless he has no other good friends, I would also recommend that you give him a choice: cut down significantly on his one-on-one time with Michelle.... or it's over.

I'd maybe stay away from giving an ultimatum at this point. I agree that you should just ask him what he thinks of Michelle, and honestly say that the amount of time he spends with her makes you a little jealous. Honesty and communication...always the most important thing in a relationship. I can understand that he'd have other friends to hang around who like anime and video games and such, but would it bother you as much if it were with a guy that he hung out with? I would be careful of making it sound like you want to choose his friends for him too though.

Just some thoughts...

 

[LynzLovedByCHRIST]

Well, thanks for all of your thoughts and advice so far. I know that I need to talk to him. I am just wondering if I should do it this Sat. night (when we'll next see each other). Because last Sat. night we had a discussion about the future, where our relationship might go...basically, he is not on the same page that I am. In about 3-5 years I can imagine us married and living in the same house, while he said "I can see it a little, but it's fuzzy." We had a good talk all in all, and I thanked him and God that he could be honest with me. I do hesitate to bring up Michelle this soon after, especially since he said he actually could've done without the conversation b/c he had a speech to prepare the next day and present it on Monday, and it (our talk) would be on his mind. It didn't make me feel good when he said that. I told him that I'd just wanted to share with him some things that had been on my mind. But anyways, I'm going to ask him if he has any new thoughts now, about our talk. Depending on what he says, I may or may not talk to him about Michelle...Still, thanks you guys, and pray for us! I am really learning that relationships take time, energy, and work, and that you don't always want to love someone, but you choose to!