Compromising w/ unsaved spouse!

[rhema glory]

I have a two in one type of question!I am a pretty conservative christian which is sometimes is a conflict of interest when married to a non-believer!my dh drinks on occasion,and he doesn't understand why I won't purchase it!If I'm going to the store he may ask,and I just tell him I don't feel comfy buying it!Also in the sex dpt,he is always complaining that I won't do a particular act(personal conviction)he makes me feel bad,and I can understand where he is coming from!I want to be a good witness but at the same time I don't want to suffocate him w/ my "holiness",nor do I want him "stepping out"!For the most part our marriage is good,just have a few problemsome areas just like any other couple!I think the prob is-that he has had this job for two yrs where he is in control of ppl(he says jump and they do it)and that sorta attitude sometimes carries over!I've been told that I need to submit even if he isn't saved bc he is the man???????????????????UH OK

Don't get me wrong I do believe in, and do submit in some areas but I do believe the Lord will hold me resposible for my actions!Is this a pretty basic belief among christians?

 

[ElizabethanLady]

As I understand it, "submission" in marriage in the Bible refers to a Christian marriage.
You're married to a non-Christian.

If he wants booze, tell him that you will not buy it. If he wants it enough he will buy it himself.

As far as sex, BOTH people should feel comfortable doing whatever it is ...... he shouldn't pressure you to do something you feel uneasy about.
He is being selfish and focusing on his own needs.

I would just continue to pray for his salvation but no, I wouldn't buy his booze!

P.S. To answer your last question, no, I don't believe the Lord will hold you "accountable" for doing what you perceive is right, as a Christian. If you give in and buy his booze, he may doubt your relationship with Christ....

 

[WashedClean]

As I understand it, "submission" in marriage in the Bible refers to a Christian marriage.
You're married to a non-Christian.

Actually, it doesn't matter whether you are both Christians or not. Here is the verse to support:

1Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 1 Peter 3:1-2

I agree with the rest of ElizabethanLady's post. I'm also married to a non-believer. Personally, I DO buy my husband beer occasionally. He has NEVER asked me to, but I know he enjoys one once in a while. He does not have a drinking problem, so I don't mind. But I can see your point as well and if you feel strongly about it, then you shouldn't buy it. Each relationship is different.

Now as far as performing certain sexual acts, I would say this to anyone in a marriage relationship. Both parties should be comfortable with whatever they do. So you definitely should not feel guilty.

By the way, there is a forum here for unequally yoked relationships. It's a subforum in this marriage section (see top of page). Although it tends to be quiet at times, you can get support and advice from others in your situation. 99% of us are women!

God Bless,

WashedClean

 

[Jenna]

The only thing that I can think to add is that sometimes when we are dealing with personal convictions instead of something that is clearly spoken about in the Word, we need to step back and really examine what has motivated us to make our choices. On occassion, folks have been known to restrict themselves in areas using biblical reasons, even if it isn't really a valid argument. However, if you just have a personal dislike for something, hey, that is your choice. Just so long as you are able to make a choice based on truth and not misconceptions.

Anywho, there is nothing wrong with him buying his own alcoholic drinks or compromising with you in the bedroom. Both people need to be comfortable between the sheets. *nods*

 

[alaskamolly]

I want to totally second that last post. She is right on the money.


Drinking alchohol is not specifically forbidden in Scripture. DRUNKENESS is.

Sex is another area that God says, "The marraige bed is holy."

In Song of Solomon, we see two lovers getting down! This becomes amazingly apparent when you realize the imagery they are using when they speak (think: apple tree, tree--man's, uh, part, and think flower/rose/lilly: woman's part)... So nothin's wrong with an active bedroom life! Heeheehee...


Certain things you may hate--well, he needs to be able to compromise with you there--just make sure you don't make God the reason--just tell him it's something you are uncomfortable with, that it has nothing to do with religion but is personal. (Unless it is something actually sinful, in which case, cancel the above advice!)...


I guess the thing to really really really be careful of is that you want him associating your Christianity with making you an awesome wife, a better person, and a better partner.

What might be happening now is that he's associating God with making you a stick-in-the-mud.

Now there are things you won't be able to do, no matter what, simply because God says not to...but in any areas the God has left open to individual discretion, you probably should follow your husband's lead. You don't "have" to, of course, but it just depends on whether or not you want to help him come to the Lord.

A great passage is in 1 Peter 3, where the Holy Spirit counsels wives who have unbelieving husbands, including showing them how they can help bring their husbands to God. Pretty cool!

Hoping the best for you and your situation!!!!
Love in Him,
Molly

 

[pegatha]

The only thing that I can think to add is that sometimes when we are dealing with personal convictions instead of something that is clearly spoken about in the Word, we need to step back and really examine what has motivated us to make our choices. On occassion, folks have been known to restrict themselves in areas using biblical reasons, even if it isn't really a valid argument... Anywho, there is nothing wrong with him buying his own alcoholic drinks or compromising with you in the bedroom. Both people need to be comfortable between the sheets. *nods*

I agree completely with Jenna. Are you open to examining and re-adjusting your attitudes, if Scripture leads you to change them? On the other hand, have you "spoken the truth in love" to your husband about your convictions, and requested that he stop asking you to violate them? If your marriage is good in other respects, and your basic love for him is not in question, then a reasonable man should be willing to honor your convictions without trying to make you feel bad or guilty.