Complicated grief

[Lady Bug]

I got a voicemail from my dad's barber today and the barber was wondering why he hadn't heard from my dad in awhile, so I called the barber shop. The barber wasn't there, but the person who picked up said that she would relay the message (that I gave her). I got a bit teary-eyed from having to tell the receptionist about my dad's passing, but this is complicated. I'm grieving over someone, who, if they were with me right now, would be "fighting" with me over the same things all the time (or maybe we would be "fighting" together). How is it that I can still be crying, or at least feel like crying?

 

[chevyontheriver]

I got a voicemail from my dad's barber today and the barber was wondering why he hadn't heard from my dad in awhile, so I called the barber shop. The barber wasn't there, but the person who picked up said that she would relay the message (that I gave her). I got a bit teary-eyed from having to tell the receptionist about my dad's passing, but this is complicated. I'm grieving over someone, who, if they were with me right now, would be "fighting" with me over the same things all the time (or maybe we would be "fighting" together). How is it that I can still be crying, or at least feel like crying?

It’s normal and understandable. And it doesn’t just totally go away after a few months either. I feel the loss of my parents many years later. It just happens. Not every day or week or even every month, but it still happens. It’s normal. Use it as an occasion for prayer.

 

[mourningdove~]

I got a voicemail from my dad's barber today and the barber was wondering why he hadn't heard from my dad in awhile, so I called the barber shop. The barber wasn't there, but the person who picked up said that she would relay the message (that I gave her). I got a bit teary-eyed from having to tell the receptionist about my dad's passing, but this is complicated. I'm grieving over someone, who, if they were with me right now, would be "fighting" with me over the same things all the time (or maybe we would be "fighting" together). How is it that I can still be crying, or at least feel like crying?

Hi friend

I can't give you advice, but I can share what I know to be true for me, in the spirit of friendship.

I understand complicated grief. So, I know that it can be very uncomfortable, and confusing, as it's not the same as normal grief. I've experienced both kinds of grief. And of the two kinds, I'd much rather prefer 'normal' grief over the 'complicated' version, but those kinds of things aren't under our control. Life happens.

In dealing with grief that is complicated, it helped me initially to ask myself questions. At times I felt guilty, for not having the 'normal' reactions to my loss. Other times, my reactions seemed totally appropriate to it. Complicated grief can be so confusing and difficult to understand!

When I finally realized that my questions just kept me going 'round and round' in circles (creating turmoil in my head, and keeping me stuck!), I decided not to ask them of myself anymore. I decided to trust God that day, and press on ...

It helped me when I realized that God understands our grief, and why it is complicated, even when no one else does. He understands our past relationships even better than we do. He saw everything that happened. As He wants for us to understand our complicated feelings, He can and will give us the understanding we seek, in His timing. But sometimes, I believe, He just wants for us to trust Him in the present moment ... and press on with our day ...

If I were to ever find myself stuck in complicated grief ... and not able to move on with life ... I would seek out the help of a professional who is trained to deal with it. Priest, professional counsellor, etc. And I wouldn't be ashamed to admit that I needed the help. Sometimes in life we do.