Committing Adultery

[WarriorforChrist]

Hey everyone, I am here to confess something, of myself because it is heavy on my heart. I've struggled with these sins in the past, and they are hurting my marriage. I've had a history of swearing, big time, but the one that is hurting me the most is I've committed adultery against my wife. One of the things that I vowed never ever to commit. Yet, I did. It says in the bible that if you look and even lust in your mind, you've already sinned.

I was addicted to pornography for who knows how long, and then last year, just before I met my wife, I broke the bondage. Well, it's back. And again, I want to end this sin in my life before it gets as big as it did. But most importantly, I want to be 110% faithful to my dear wife, which in turn does not deserve this whatsoever. I've probably lost all trust from her. I've tried so hard to be accountable to myself and to God, and have failed. I pray, constantly ask for forgiveness in these areas, but I want to stop sinning all together. It just isn't right. I don't care what kind of repercussions I'll face now because of my foolish actions, I just need this out.

It says to be accountable to brothers and sisters in Christ.

 

[MERCY@GRACE]

Phil, I'm not trying to be facetious-but could you stick to one username bc this is getting quite confusing!

As for the adultrey, was this recent? Was it a 'physical' affair, or emotional?

 

[WarriorforChrist]

It was pornography.

 

[Svt4Him]

There's an area here that deals with this, perhaps check that out.

 

[Leanna]

That's a good idea, there is a section for this. But I don't think that confessing here is going to help as much as getting accountable with people in a church. And again *sigh* you guys need counseling so bad, how long will it continue like this? Until the end?

 

[WarriorforChrist]

Until I die.

 

[4jacks]

And again *sigh* you guys need counseling so bad, how long will it continue like this? Until the end?

*sigh* Women will never understand...

I feel for you warrior! I think you're pretty brave for coming out in the open.

So have you told your wife? I'm assuming you did.

I wish you the best, and I will pray for you.

 

[Leanna]

4jacks I'll use a PM. But I do not appreciate the women comment.

 

[Mom to 5]

*sigh* Women will never understand...

I feel for you warrior! I think you're pretty brave for coming out in the open.

So have you told your wife? I'm assuming you did.

I wish you the best, and I will pray for you.

How could we not understand? What part of addiction is exclusive to men? Women may not get into traditional porn like men do (or are stereo typed to), but have you ever read some of those paperback romance novels a lot of women read? Talk about PORN! We women have our own problems too and YES we do understand.

 

[Quantum_Man]

4jacks I'll use a PM. But I do not appreciate the women comment.

And 4jacks, nor I, didn't appreciate your comment:

And again *sigh* you guys need counseling so bad, how long will it continue like this? Until the end?

Sarcasm can be a potentially dangerous thing on the internet because there's no body language or facial expression to show for it, as I believe 4jacks was doing in his comment:

*sigh* Women will never understand...

How could we not understand?

My fiancee could not for the life of her understand why I would choose to look at pornography. She told me herself, she said it made no sense to her. It's difficult, but we're working through it together as a team.

Less pointing the finger and more encouragement for the OP.
It takes a lot to admit this WarriorforChrist, and I'm happy you've done it. This can be reconciled if you repent and work with your wife through this. It's really about surrendering yourself to God daily, and having the correct attitude and mindset. An attitude of humbleness and thankfulness that God saved YOU by sacrificing himself. It also definitely helps, and I'd strongly recommend, if you can meet with an accountability partner on a regular basis to talk about this issue, so he can ask you the hard questions to help keep you on track. I'm personally meeting with a guy regularly and it is one of the best things I've ever done for my spiritual growth. Take heart that you are a child of God and he will never leave you nor forsake you.

 

[Redguard]

Phil, I'm not trying to be facetious-but could you stick to one username bc this is getting quite confusing!

As for the adultrey, was this recent? Was it a 'physical' affair, or emotional?

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to MERCY@GRACE again.

​

 

[4jacks]

Ok first of all, I apologize... I thought when Leanna said "guys" she meant males and not Phil and his wife.

So I got on the defensive side for guys.

As far as women not understanding. Let me rephrase that to Women will never experience it. I think everyone knows that the sex drive in men is much higher than in women. I know there will always be cases of otherwise, but they are a small percentage.

All I was saying is that men and women are definitely different as far as sex drives.

 

[Quantum_Man]

Of course no matter what the "excuse" is, outside help is needed. However I too believe that men and women are wired differently and thus struggle with different things on varying degrees. Now this is by no means an excuse because there is no excuse for committing any kind of sin. But just because you personally find this particular sin to be "not a problem at all" for you, shouldn't mean you should come down so hard on the person or anyone who can relate to that person.

However it seems WarriorforChrist is an alias for another member who apparently has been having this same problem for some time now it seems. In that case I agree with a firmer, tougher approach.

 

[Leanna]

I think the problem here though isn't the pornography at all, its that he has problem after problem after problem after problem and refuses to get any help for it.

And "different sex drives" don't make it *right* for *anyone* to look at porn. Thats why I'm flabergasted that anyone would even make that argument that women can't understand because the sex drives of a male and female are different.. who cares if they are different? That justifies nothing! The problem still exists and calls for a solution.

~ ~

Thank you! This and your last post was exactly what I was trying to say only I was too lazy to type it all out. If the OP refuses to get help, CF can only do so much.... point to help, where it is, please get it.

And Momof5 is right, women DO understand addiction. Goodness, I know I've had to counsel enough women who deal with porn and masturbation and addictions of this sort to know its not as uncommon as you think.

 

[Leanna]

So, in response to Leanna's question "you guys need counselling so bad, how long will you continue like this" you answered "until I die".. so, this means you have a conviction NOT to get counselling ever. I see..

So. .There is nothing we can help you with then.

I loved this so much I just had to quote it.

Lol I tried to give you rep too, but it said I must spread it around some first. I definitely don't give rep very often.... because I can't remember when I shared some with you.... oops!

 

[WarriorforChrist]

I talked to my wife, I sent a mass email, and an accountability partner that will help me prevent this. It hurts to much when I see my wife and how hurt she is.

As for the counseling, it's out of my control. It's never gonna happen. If my marriage crumbles, than it's my own fault and I will have to suffer the consequences.

 

[4jacks]

And "different sex drives" don't make it *right* for *anyone* to look at porn. Thats why I'm flabergasted that anyone would even make that argument that women can't understand because the sex drives of a male and female are different.. who cares if they are different? That justifies nothing! The problem still exists and calls for a solution.

I cared that sex drives were different when I mis-read Leanna post. I already apologized for this, please don't drag me through the dirt on it, it's completely off topic. Do you need me to Re-Apologize in order to DeFlaber Your Gaster ???
And I definitely did not justify pornography, under any circumstances under any sex drive, in any situation.
The problem is definitely still a problem and still does exist. And What I'm understanding from this thread is that there are Many problems here with Phil's marriage. And it seems that Phil may be depending upon this forum for all his marriage counselling instead of seeking professional help.
Well I don't know what to say about that. I view the internet including this forum kinda just as pure entertainment. I don't take anything to serious. And I definitely would not trust something like my marriage to advice over the internet. Phil I think you should try to get christian marriage counselling. If that is REALLY REALLY hard for you to do at this time, please let us know why. I think at least you should try to get ahold of some good christian resources, books and tapes and the such, UNTIL you and your wife can get in to see a christian counsellor.
I can remmend a few books and tape serious, and i'm sure everyone on here can do the same.
Please give an update and let us know.

 

[MERCY@GRACE]

I keep hearing....God helps those who help themselves.........

 

[WarriorforChrist]

??

 

[4jacks]

Warrior Phil dude...

What the heck do you mean "???"

Everyone here is telling you that you need to go see a counsoler.

You are saying you never will, and it's frustrating as heck to

If you are NOT going to go see a counsoller, i'm curious to know..

What the heck are you going to do??? How are you going to fix your Marriage? What is your game plan?