Codependent in marriage

[Iffy]

Hi,
I wonder if anyone struggles with codependency. I do and I am engaged to be married end of the year. I'm scared to because I still haven't resolved this ... should I wait to get married?

I hope someone can help me with their personal experience ... I love my fiance and I want us to have a healthy marriage ...

 

[HelpyHelperton]

Hi,
I wonder if anyone struggles with codependency. I do and I am engaged to be married end of the year. I'm scared to because I still haven't resolved this ... should I wait to get married?

I hope someone can help me with their personal experience ... I love my fiance and I want us to have a healthy marriage ...

If your have doubts then its maybe a good idea to wait.

In our situation we both had some issues.
Mine were caused by an ex cheating wife that left me with trust issues.
Hers are issues of self esteem and some major phobias shes had for years.

Praise God thru prayer and reading His word, she overcame one of her biggest issues that not even years of therapy was able to heal.
Her self esteem definetly increased when she laid that one aside since they were directly related.

She is younger and still trying to get her bearings in the world as we all must.
Many of the problems lie in the fact that her parents, her father mainly, has not done his job in preparing his daughter for the world.
She is afriad to step out on her own for the most part because he didnt teach her how to.
Imagine the baby eagle whos mother never tossed it out to teach it to fly.

So shes overly dependant on me emotionally at this point.
well, not as much as she was early on.
We.ve been taking her a step at a time, working toward her depending on herself more and more.

Personally I believe if the person your marrying is able to work with you and help you thru things, then marrying now would be fine.
But many people arent able to understand how to deal with these issues, let alone how to analyze and resolve them. And many might end up behaving in a manner that would only make them worse.

Id look at your future spouse and see if you believe them able to help you work thru things or if its probable that you should deal with things beforehand.

One thing to keep in mind tho, if you take the latter, you may end up never marrying at all.
Some people never are completely healed of these things.

Be honest with your hubby to be.
let him know how you feel, let him see what to expect.
If he can help you grow past it, he will be much more effective than anyone else could be since he already has your trust

 

[jenniferstell]

My hubby and I have lived in a co-dependent relationship for 8 years now. It has been soooo, soooo hard on both of us! We have done so many things to each other because of this! We're having the toughest time of our LIVES trying to sort through all the things that we've done to each other because of our issues. We are now walking with God in our marriage, and it's helping us to deal with our issues, but if we'd known then what we know now, we would have sorted these issues out BEFORE we spent so many years hurting each other because of these issues.

 

[Yitzchak]

I think that there is a component of co-dependency that is worked out individually and a component that is worked out in the context of marriage. There is no exact science to determining when a person is ready for marriage. But I suggest that you be involved in a one-on-one relationship with a counselor who can help you figure these issues out. Some pre-marriage counseling where these issues are brought up would be wise. Even after marriage , it would be best if the two of you could go as a couple to counseling since there is this potential problem.

 

[InTheFlame]

Chances are your spouse has some tendency toward codependency too. Sort as much as possible out before getting married. Build a good foundation! Sure, the foundation can be fixed after you start building the house... but it's a lot more effort and expense.