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We use a single swat on the butt for direct defiance/rebellion only. The child has a warning to make sure they know what they're choosing with the action. Most of the time, we use "time outs", extra work, or loss of priviledges. We talk to the child, to make sure the child understands the rule in question, and how to deal with a similar situation better in the future. Next time, we bring up that solution, hoping the child will choose it instead of whatever discipline measure would have to follow the inappropriate action.
Rachel
The strap, I may point out is only to be used in the most dire of times.
Like if they steal, or kill the neighbours cat.
I do not really like violence, sometimes it is neccesary, but then it is up to you to find out why and try to fix it.
As for the guy I hospitalised, if I could have controlled it I would have, that wasnt an option.
Again, I must say that the violence you experienced as a child has nothing to do with instilling discipline, nor was good for building character. That kind of violence is abuse, and people who commit that kind of aggression against children, deserve jail time. Even if the child stole, or killed a cat.
Now as far as punishment for those transgressions:
-Killing an animal out of amusement is a sign of impending psychosis. Belting a child who did that will not help the situation; in fact, a child who is that far gone may not even feel the consequences of a beating. He'll store it away and go on to higher animals for his amusement.
- Stealing by an older child is a serious transgression. If children go through a stage in which they do it with a dare, usually a trip to the party who was stolen from, plus a lecture by a police officer, and a plan to pay back what he stole should be enough. If the kid constantly steals, then again, a serious emotional issue presents itself, and the child needs counseling and possibly anti-psychotic medication to help the child function.
I believe there is a fine line truly dependant on the subject in question. Corporeal punishment sometimes can do the trick and sometimes just makes everything worse. Blanket generalizations and what amounts to default responses result in nothing but long term failure.
Well said.
BTW and a little off topic, are you a scout sniper?
Thanks.
No Im not a scout sniper, I havent earned an MOS confering the title. Im aiming to be in the contracting field, so I just rack up training and get certifications for the time being (mostly pertaining to a specialty in counter-sniper, though I try to keep well-rounded). If I absolutly need .mil experience to get employed, when Im 18 Ill go for scout sniper in the Marines though.
Graduating highschool early is great
I think you live in a fantasy world.
The opposite; you are a survivor of wrong done to you. You were innocent, and that innocence was taken away. Some children have grown up to be far worse; you sound like you have given your experience a lot of careful thought. If I were you, based on your struggle with anger and violence in the jail scenario, I would do what I could to lift away the weight of those experiences and free myself from their burden. Have you considered talking to others who were also abused about these issues, other men your age who were also mistreated? Sometimes one can't talk to family members about things of this nature, because they may not able to relate. An example I can use are soldiers who come back with PTSD - sometimes they need help with anger management, aggression, nightmares, feelings of depair and depression. And it's not a sign of weakness.As for what was done to me, do you think that I have no character because I lived a life of rigid and regemental disciipline?
I don't think crimes have anything to do with kids not being punished with a belt. In fact, I will bet that most violent crimes to do with assault, rape, molestation and murder are committed by many (but not all) individuals who have experienced a history of family abuse, sexual abuse, alcoholism, and drug addiction.In a place like America, there are many problems and crimes serial rapists etc.
We dont have that problem here, we dont even have a juvennile detention center because it isnt needed, the discipline and family unit is very strong.
I wish i could show you studies done, but I cant find any online.
Is Paalagis like the Hawaiian Haolies? Just curious?When i lived in Australia, I noticed the paalagis were very disrespectful to elders, searing at their mothers, talking back to their parents, raising their voices at their parents....that was my first culture shock. And these parents were like "Go to your room".
Here that sort of thing just doesnt happen, Lord knows you are going to get it from your "Tikina" (family clan), brothers, fathers, uncles. I would rather raise respectful well behaved children, then those like the Paalagis i have seen.
I have been on the receiving end of abuse, I draw the line at many things, I would never draw blood, i would never hit people uneccesarily, i would only strioke the fleshiest part of the body and yes it will sting, but it isnt my intent to cripple anyone.
I have thought about it, and I have devised a system....that will help me deal with it fairly.
i recognised the rifle from the movie JARHEAD....one of my favourites, I actually call my son SWOFFORD.
I have often wondered how you can concentrate when someone is next to you saying "fire.....fire.....fire.....fire......fire.....fire....fire"
Good luck with that man, it seems like a pretty exciting job.
"The Grunt dies for 50 000 misplaced rounds, the sniper dies for that one perfect shot"
Private Swofford.
The opposite; you are a survivor of wrong done to you. You were innocent, and that innocence was taken away. Some children have grown up to be far worse; you sound like you have given your experience a lot of careful thought.
If I were you, based on your struggle with anger and violence in the jail scenario, I would do what I could to lift away the weight of those experiences and free myself from their burden. Have you considered talking to others who were also abused about these issues, other men your age who were also mistreated? Sometimes one can't talk to family members about things of this nature, because they may not able to relate. An example I can use are soldiers who come back with PTSD - sometimes they need help with anger management, aggression, nightmares, feelings of depair and depression. And it's not a sign of weakness.
To compare Fiji to America is comparing apples to rutabagas. Two completely different societies, with their own unique histories, cultural development. If beating children is normal in Fiji, and keeping them constantly in fear, I can't say that that is a preferable family values trait.
Is Paalagis like the Hawaiian Haolies? Just curious?
Yes, western culture is more permissive with its children; we don't believe in stringing them up, beating them with sticks, and raising them to be fearful. Fear does not equal respect. Unless you condone the sort of psychotic child rearing by people like Michael and Debi Pearl:
http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/index.php?id=35
Yes, these people believe in chastising babies with the rod.
There ARE other options to using a belt on ones child, as well using violence as a method to communicate intent. Violence doesn't need to be used at all. Violence is always done in anger, no matter what its proponents suggest.
http://www.nospank.net/popcak.htm
http://stoptherod.net/
http://stoptherod.net/links.html
There are Christian perspectives on this, and I invite you to check them out.
God bless, Christa.
Thanks for the good wishes.
Nice quote as well.
As per endless recitations of "fire" Ive never heard it happen. The way Im trained is spotter gives me the wind adjustment in MOA or a hold over, I declare that its indexed, and when I hear the word "send" (one time) I have untill the end of the sound of the "d" to make the shot or I hold and wait for my spotter to give me new wind values and call "send" again. Fire to the umtillionth degree wouldnt account for changing wind and conditions, which would result in nothing more that alot of noise and a miss.
I think jarhead actually illustrated alot of what makes a bad sniper team.
And now look what youve gone and done, Ive gone into a rant.
It is my personal way to deal with conflict internally, I dont like to burden others with my problems, I just work through them as best as i can...group therapy and stuff just seems like a waste of time to me, if it helps others thats fine, it doesnt help me.
Any sort of violence is inappropriate and counterproductive to my goals of education.
I also apologize if I came off too judgemental.
It was very brave of you to reveal what had happened to you. Many people, especially men, keep it completely internalized and will chalk it up to a life-strengthening experience, rather than as a lesson on what not to do, or more implicitly, as an experience that colors their feelings, emotions and behavior.
Have you actually tried talking to someone about it? Not group therapy, but someone who is completely objective, one on one, who will just listen to you and not make judgements. Someone to express anger to. In say, a different situation, adults who were sexually victimized as children, may want to confront those who did them wrong as a way to cleanse their anger.
Similarly, could you confront those who hurt you, or who did not stick up for you, even if they were family members?
-My son's father, whom I divorced years ago, was a charming, personable man on the outside, who had pent-up violence inside him. He once beat me, and also on two occasions lost his temper violently with my son; during one incident he kicked him hard up the stairs. My son was not seriously hurt; he was more scared. He was seven years old. What I now feel guilty about was not calling the police and bouncing that psycho out of the house; I did not stick up for my son out of fear. Now that my son is in his teens, I have asked forgiveness for not sticking up for him.
I have learned that violence can be a cycle, if not confronted. My ex husband's father used to discipline him the good old fashioned European way, with slaps to the face, the belt on the back of legs, hot spoons placed on the hand, pinches that left bruises on the arms. My exhusband was otherwise a very easygoing, quiet man, who on occasion would lose his temper spectacularly, starting off with throwing things, punching holes in the wall, and then turning in violence against whoever happened to be there. He kept his feelings to himself and felt that his experiences were good for him. He was wrong.
That's okay too. But especially, in light of the following statements, I highly recommend talking to another human being about your experiences and your resultant emotions and feelings:I have spoken to someone....Jesus.
I do not blame anyone, I chalk it up to experience. I am not angry at anyone.
Part of my personal experience that has changed my outlook on physical discipline of children:
Well I tell you what my children are going to be kicked and punched, have their joints twisted and be thrown around by me......that is a given from the time they are four I will beging their training.
Your ex had it easy, but i would never do that, my wife earns the name the "mouth of the south" for sure, and she has done some strange things like throw a kettle full of hot water at me, and plates and her tounge is certainly her most potent weapon.
I have never hit her, nor will I ever hit her....I guess people are just all different.
That's okay too. But especially, in light of the following statements, I highly recommend talking to another human being about your experiences and your resultant emotions and feelings:
pain is a part of the process of combat art, it is unavoidable, I am a practitioner in Tae Kwon Do (amongst other arts), and it is different from Combat art, it is a sport with rules and safety measures, I to have safety measures but the art I teach and learn is more combat oriented then TKD.My question is, what is the purpose of subjecting your children to physical "training" that involves hurting them? My husband is a sixth degree black belt tae kwon do instructor, and he would never, ever advocate training or hurting kids in that way, even if it is done in the spirit to "teach".
No, its me not learning a few lessons I should have. Bad habits and all.Secondly, to have a spouse throw things like a kettle of hot water, or plates, at one goes beyond the pale of a passionate relationship. This is strong family values in Fiji?
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