Clingy boy (almost 2)

[mamaneenie]

Hi, I am beginning to get concerned about my son. He has become clingy to me (not so much when we are out, just at home) my husband will come home from work, and I try to encourage my son to say hello and give his dad a kiss (or at least acknowledge he has come home) but he usually wants to play with his toys or watch a video or something else. Lately my son will be doing something he knows is wrong (today it was standing too close to the television) my husband called him over and asked him to read a book. He refused. He then said "mum" and came over to me. Of course my husband was very upset and when I tried to get my son to go to his dad, he wouldn't go anywhere near him. My son will play with his dad only if he gets on the floor and goes out of his way to do so. My son hardly ever goes to my husband. However he walks around the house pointing at photos of his dad saying "dad". I do not doubt that my son loves his dad. I am concerned for my husband. He didn't have his dad around when he was growing up and he gets frustrated when my son seems to be ignoring him. This makes it hard for him to want to spend time with our son, and I have noticed that he seems to be less enthusiastic about playing with him. I am a stay at home mum. Also, my husband has been unemployed for most of our sons life. He has had a full time job for 4 months.

Has anyone else been in this situation before? I would love to have any advice.

 

[stubbornkelly]

I think kids go through phases in which they like one parents more than the other. It usually flipflops, too. Most people I know remember going through a time when they clung to one parent and ignored the other, then switched, and usually that started around your son's age.

I remember doing it. There was a time I didn't even want my mother to touch me, and then I was all around her and didn't want my father near me. It all evened out eventually.

That said, if your son has had his father around for most of his life and now he's gone most of the day, that could account for some of it. It may be a protective device for your son.

And that said, I think your husband needs to understand that his child is only two years old and is not trying to slight him by not wanting to play. It's important that your husband not let himself withdraw from your son because of the boy's ignoring him. That's only going to make it worse. If your son will play when his dad gets on the floor to play, then maybe that's what he needs to do more of.

 

[BeanMak]

Kelly has hit it. The little thing is not even 2. He has no idea how the world works, or how he is SUPPOSED to act to your husband. The adult in the situation should make the moves, not the child. If I were your husband, I would spend more time on the floor since that is the way the baby best interacts with him. All kids go through an anxiety of leaving their mother.

 

[lucypevensie]

Commenting on and drawing lots of attention to his behavior will most likely make him more self-conscious about himself and that will not help the situation.

One of the best things you can do is to model yourself how to respond to dad. When Dad comes home don't expect the little boy to yell "DADDY!" and leap into his arms. But you could model enthusiasm for him by greeting him at the door with an enthusiastic hello and a hug or whatever.

For what it's worth you can tell your husband that I was once the favorite parent but now my husband has taken over that role. I try not to get too upset when my kids argue with each other over who gets to sit by Dad at the dinner table

 

[HeatherJay]

Maybe you could try getting him excited about Dad's arrival well before hand. Ask him to help you make supper for Daddy, or help pick up toys so the house will be clean for Daddy. Kids mimick our own behaviors and attitudes so maybe if you get excited about it, he will too. To go along with that, if your husband is stressed or anxious, your little one may be picking up on that. Kids are very perceptive and if he's not crazy about hanging out with his dad, maybe that's why.


I'm a stay at home mom, too. My girls have both gone through phases in which they favor one of us (me or my hubby) over the other. And it's really only natural that your little one would cling to you since he's with you all day.

Whatever you do, don't make him (your child) feel guilty for this particular behavior. If your husband is getting his feelings hurt by your child's perfectly innocent behavior, that's something he just needs to get over. And I agree that if getting on the floor and being silly is the only way that your son wants to play, that's what your husband needs to do.

Love, Heather

 

[Kelly]

Totally normal. Children go through phases where they favor one parent over the other. All you have to do is not let it get to you, be the best parent you can be and provide what the child is needing from you in that phase.

My daughter went through a phase where she wanted the affection from mom, and the play/funny guy stuff from me. If I tried to be lovey I got rejected.

It has balanced now that she's almost 5.

 

[mamaneenie]

Thanks for your input. Did have a chat with my husband about this situation tonight. We will so how it all works out. It has gotten to the stage where I can't even go to the loo without him coming in - I say to him "go and play with Dad", he just says "mum" I'm sure it is just a phase though.