Church Folk

[Spinderella]

How do you deal with church folk who want to take sides and shun you because of your situation. After the separation STex went back to our old church, they accepted him with open arms which is good. They don't know the truth and put him into a position of ministry which I think is wrong. When I went to visit with the girls (mistake number 987) they gave me the cold shoulder and were obviously whispering about me. His parents go there to, and I am sure that they have not told the congregants why their son's marriage has fallen to shreds! Sometimes I feel like going there on Sunday and exposing him (them) but I know that would be wrong and I won't. Just venting.

How do other Christians deal with you and your separation/divorce? Are they kind or cruel?

 

[catlover]

How do you deal with church folk who want to take sides and shun you because of your situation. After the separation STex went back to our old church, they accepted him with open arms which is good. They don't know the truth and put him into a position of ministry which I think is wrong. When I went to visit with the girls (mistake number 987) they gave me the cold shoulder and were obviously whispering about me. His parents go there to, and I am sure that they have not told the congregants why their son's marriage has fallen to shreds! Sometimes I feel like going there on Sunday and exposing him (them) but I know that would be wrong and I won't. Just venting.

How do other Christians deal with you and your separation/divorce? Are they kind or cruel?

As one lady at work put it, it's a man's world, the men get a back on the back for divorcing their wives the women are labeled...well it's true.

It all comes out in the wash, and if the congregation is buying their side of the story and not having compassion for you, well it sounds like a country club rather than a house of God...

Find another church and live your life so when your head hits the pillow at night you can sleep.

 

[BrBob]

I suggest you have a private heart-to-heart talk with the pastor making sure you don't come across as trying to strip your STBX of his ministry. If the pastor is truly a man of God he will take it from there.

What do you talk about? You could tell him that you feel ostracized, that it seems as though you are not welcome there anymore and you are planning to find another church unless he can assure you that you there is a misconception. Keep the conversation about yourself so as to not point a finger at someone else. That will show integrity.

Once you do that you are placing the situation in God's hands and you can move on if needed.

God Bless
Bob
Spearfish, SD

 

[Johnnz]

It's difficult for many people to feel comfortable with both parties to a broken marriage. That's probably their own immaturity, but it is a fact of life. After a divorce many find old friends drop off. That's hard too. And, people often take sides, especially when other family members attend. Placing your husband in ministry is an open endorsement of him. Guess who misses out then!

Bless you
John
NZ

 

[tryingtobeagain]

Try not to judge him. Pray that he really has asked God to come into his heart and is changing. Leave the rest in God's hands and make sure you have a safe place (church of your own) that you can worship and be welcomed. Leave the rest in God's hands. Believe me, you'll waste too much time and energy holding onto these feelings when God takes better care of these problems then anyone else could.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

As one lady at work put it, it's a man's world, the men get a back on the back for divorcing their wives the women are labeled...well it's true.

It all comes out in the wash, and if the congregation is buying their side of the story and not having compassion for you, well it sounds like a country club rather than a house of God...

Find another church and live your life so when your head hits the pillow at night you can sleep.

I agree she should probably find another church. I couldn't imagine being fresh from a break up and seeing my ex and his parents there.

But, I think it goes both ways. My bf was shunned by the men that he had gotten to know in marriage groups. The men used to go out to breakfast often and they stopped calling. Nice, huh? Now he's holding back on making attachments at his new church because of it.

 

[blueguy]

How do you deal with church folk who want to take sides and shun you because of your situation. After the separation STex went back to our old church, they accepted him with open arms which is good. They don't know the truth and put him into a position of ministry which I think is wrong. When I went to visit with the girls (mistake number 987) they gave me the cold shoulder and were obviously whispering about me. His parents go there to, and I am sure that they have not told the congregants why their son's marriage has fallen to shreds! Sometimes I feel like going there on Sunday and exposing him (them) but I know that would be wrong and I won't. Just venting.

How do other Christians deal with you and your separation/divorce? Are they kind or cruel?

Had a similiar experience to yours after a messy divorce a few years back. It really soured me about going to church for a while, until they called and wanted me back, but still didn't.
I recommend you move on and find another church where your free of judgement from members.

 

[HuntingMan]

How do you deal with church folk who want to take sides and shun you because of your situation. After the separation STex went back to our old church, they accepted him with open arms which is good. They don't know the truth and put him into a position of ministry which I think is wrong. When I went to visit with the girls (mistake number 987) they gave me the cold shoulder and were obviously whispering about me. His parents go there to, and I am sure that they have not told the congregants why their son's marriage has fallen to shreds! Sometimes I feel like going there on Sunday and exposing him (them) but I know that would be wrong and I won't. Just venting.

How do other Christians deal with you and your separation/divorce? Are they kind or cruel?

I went basically told those who needed to know the facts the truth.
My exwife has a vipers tongue and had already lied to so many people about me over the years we were married. By the time of the divorce she literally had it set up so that everyone who would listen to her believed terrrible things about me.

Im not a perfect man, but I know quite well that Im a good husband. If she had not made a point of setting up her story to make me look like a monster for when she decided to leave, there would have no reason for me to correct what everyone was thinking. So in my opinion, if your spouse has literally lied to folks to make them believe things that arent true, then if these are DECENT people we are talking about, then they deserve to know the WHOLE truth.

Now, if its folks who you know will condemn you either way, just let it be. Let them believe whatever they wish to as our Lord and Paul would have.
IF they are good, godly people tho, they really should know the truth if theyve been lied to.

 

[Demi4God]

I have quit going to services,nobody wanted to deal with me or my problems. I am trying other churches right now. Praying for healing for you. It's a cruel thing when our own church friends turn away.