I got a bunch of them...
Thought it would be interesting to let Christians see what they think of them. Apologies in advance to any ill feeling caused, that is not my intention in anyway. Remember though: Offence is taken, not given. Don't worry it's all clean. Enjoy! I've only posted the ones that make me laugh.
1.
Native Tribesman: "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?"
Missionary: "No, not if you did not know."
Native Tribesman: "Then why did you tell me?"
2.
I don't understand Christians. They say don't gamble... yet they bet their entire life on there actually being a heaven.
3.
Erm, so you are asking me not to tell lies...
...by swearing upon the Bible?
4.
A woman whose daughter was hospitalised in a US tornado told BBC News that "God would make her better." Presumably, that's a different God from the one that almost killed her with a tornado.
5.
One thing that always amazes me is people who don't believe in sex before marriage. Clearly it's sex after marriage that doesn't exist.
6.
My Christian neighbour told me that he will always follow his Bible.
So I threw it off a cliff.
7.
A lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. Do you think when Jesus comes back he ever wants to see a cross?
That's like going up to Princess Diana with a Mercedes pendant on.
8.
Today, my girlfriend received a religious leaflet describing how abstinence is the only 100% effective way of avoiding pregnancy...
Outraged, I promptly sent the organisation a letter with a picture of Mary and Jesus, with the caption: "99.9%.
9.
I've just robbed a copy of ''The Ten Commandments'' from the local library.
I've just read number 8 and I'm starting to regret it.
10.
A pastor was hiking in the woods when a grizzly bear stepped into his path. The bear stopped, growled, raised up on his back legs, and his mouth began salivating.
"Oh, God, PLEASE!" the pastor prayed, "Let this be a Christian bear."
All of a sudden a placid look came over the bear and it dropped to his knees. The bear then began to speak: "Dear, Lord. I thank you for the bountiful feast you have set before me..."
Classic. XD
Thought it would be interesting to let Christians see what they think of them. Apologies in advance to any ill feeling caused, that is not my intention in anyway. Remember though: Offence is taken, not given. Don't worry it's all clean. Enjoy! I've only posted the ones that make me laugh.
1.
Native Tribesman: "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?"
Missionary: "No, not if you did not know."
Native Tribesman: "Then why did you tell me?"
2.
I don't understand Christians. They say don't gamble... yet they bet their entire life on there actually being a heaven.
3.
Erm, so you are asking me not to tell lies...
...by swearing upon the Bible?
4.
A woman whose daughter was hospitalised in a US tornado told BBC News that "God would make her better." Presumably, that's a different God from the one that almost killed her with a tornado.
5.
One thing that always amazes me is people who don't believe in sex before marriage. Clearly it's sex after marriage that doesn't exist.
6.
My Christian neighbour told me that he will always follow his Bible.
So I threw it off a cliff.
7.
A lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. Do you think when Jesus comes back he ever wants to see a cross?
That's like going up to Princess Diana with a Mercedes pendant on.
8.
Today, my girlfriend received a religious leaflet describing how abstinence is the only 100% effective way of avoiding pregnancy...
Outraged, I promptly sent the organisation a letter with a picture of Mary and Jesus, with the caption: "99.9%.
9.
I've just robbed a copy of ''The Ten Commandments'' from the local library.
I've just read number 8 and I'm starting to regret it.
10.
A pastor was hiking in the woods when a grizzly bear stepped into his path. The bear stopped, growled, raised up on his back legs, and his mouth began salivating.
"Oh, God, PLEASE!" the pastor prayed, "Let this be a Christian bear."
All of a sudden a placid look came over the bear and it dropped to his knees. The bear then began to speak: "Dear, Lord. I thank you for the bountiful feast you have set before me..."
Classic. XD