Christian friend has been using me, I told her not to contact me anymore.

[Hannah66]

I have had this christian friend for many years. I realise it has always been a 'one-sided'
relationship. She dominates the conversations and, whenever i talk, she seems disinterested or will deliberately get distracted and chose not to listen to me.
And, when i do want to share something she says, "ok, go on" (as if to say, hurry up and say what you want to say".
She never acknowledges my struggles and seems to think she has been through more in her life then me.

She has a gambling problem and spends $120 week on cigarettes. Currently not working, and receiving benefits, she will gamble most of her money, and when she is stuck to buying something will contact me for help. i've helped her a few times, paid for a bus ticket for a long journey which she happened to cancel(the $100 was lost).

She contacted me recently and said she was very unwell and needed an over the counter medicine but had no money and asked If i could send her the money. I gave her $8 and phoned her the next day to see how she went. She told me she was feeling better and didn't need the medicine anymore


She blames me for many things..if she gambles, she will say, "oh you brought up something that upset me and I went and gambled".

I have approached her about this but she denies it.

The other night I had had enough and, when she phoned I raised my voice and said, "I don't her to contact me anymore" I said, "You never listen to me. It's all about you and I am forever helping financially, listening to your problems etc"

I am glad I had to told her but felt bad afterwards that I raised my voice a little.

But othertimes, when i have told her it bothers me, nothing gets changed. She just doesn't listen.

I know she is toxic but I care for her. i will continue to pray.

Have I done the right thing?
I think sometimes God is upset with me because I need to continue toi help her
but I know I have enabled her especially when she has gambled and has no money to buy things.

 

[Faith712]

We Christians or followers of Christ have had this problem for a long time. We are sheep to the slaughter and people see that and take advantage of us all the time. However, we must continue to be kind and gentle sheep.

Call your friend and have a long talk with her. Even if you feel like she isn't listening, tell her calmly how you feel.

The world's answer would be to go ahead and cut her off. However, we have to keep in mind what Jesus said. You have to get through to her that her ways are deadly and not pleasing to God. If she is truly a Christian, you must get through to her.

I know the world would say she can't be gotten to, but you care about her so you must try.

This is a tough situation, it truly is. But keep praying, pray for the answer and remember God's will over your discomfort.

 

[Take Heart]

You can still love/care for someone..but from a distance. Yes, she is toxic and is using you. You need to put your foot down, so-to-speak, and stop helping her by giving her money. I suspect that most, if not all, of her financial requests were excuses for her to use on gambling/cigarettes. If you want the cycle to stop, you need to break it by making a change of not enabling her because right now, you are the one she is able to use and mess around with because you keep on providing her the means to do so through money. I would distance myself from her/cut ties completely if possible. You have bills and such to pay and if you want your friend to stop gambling and further ruining her health through smoking, you need to cease providing money. She should get benefits from the government/some sort of income. It is her responsibility to use it and spend it wisely. Not you. You can only help her by praying and distancing yourself from her/cutting contact. She needs to learn. But she won’t if you keep letting her use you like that. No matter what excuse she gives, do not give in. Do not let her manipulate you. It sounds like she is Using guilt and manipulation on you in order to sucker you in to giving her more money. Please don’t buy into it. I say all of this with love. I apologize if in any part I sound harsh or condemning. That is not my intention. God bless

 

[John Helpher]

Have I done the right thing?

Every relationship needs boundaries. There is something to be said for long-suffering, where you patiently endure your friends problems so that she understands she's not alone and that there is still hope.

However, people often get this mixed up with enabling, where your attempts to help her end up encouraging her to continue her bad behavior.

If you still feel the need to help her, you could sit down and write out some guidelines for what that help would look like. If she wants money, then there need to be conditions; what is the money for? Does she have a plan to pay it back? How much exactly, to the cent, does she need? A means of proving that she spent the money exactly as she said she would and an understanding that she gets only one chance; if she does not prove that she spent the money properly, then she's cut off. That way, it's her choice whether to continue the relationship or not.

If she gives you a hard time or tries to make you feel guilty about setting such standards, tell her to take it or leave it.

Regarding the conversations, let her know that you expect the discussions to be two way; if she interrupts you, tell her clearly when it happens. Let her know how many chances she gets at interrupting before you end the conversation. If you feel she's not listening, just calmly say good by and hang up the phone or leave. You don't need to be rude or express your frustration as she'll probably get the hint (and if she doesn't the first few times then perhaps she will eventually). What you want are options which deal with her bad behaviors but also puts the choice in her hands; if she wants your friendship she needs to respect your boundaries. That's the choice she will make every time you interact.