Christian/Atheist relationship

[biblebeltatheist]

I posted a thread in the ask a chaplain section when I first got to this site, but after looking around for a while, I think it probably should have been posted here. I couldn't find the thread I originally posted, so I'll just start over lol

My girlfriend and I plan to get married next year, and possibly sooner. I've known her for 3 years, and been with her for 3 months. We're both madly in love. I'm an atheist...she's a Baptist. We've discussed some of our beliefs, and have encountered no problems so far.

What I'd like to know is...does anyone here have an atheist partner, and what sort of problems have you encountered in your relationship/marriage? I'm hoping to discover something I haven't thought of myself...I don't like surprises and hope to prepare for the unforeseen.

Any advice would help.

Nice to meet you all, btw.

 

[biblebeltatheist]

I suppose I should mention too, that I grew up in a Pentecostal church till I was 18. Then I left, after realising I didn't believe in any of it. I'm 31 now, and have been reading Christian literature and listening to Christian music so that I can try and understand some of the places she's coming from. Plus, I know her 14 year old daughter likes to listen to Christian music when they go on road trips, etc...and didn't want to have culture shock or something, or that deer in the headlights look.

I've read Philip Yancy's What's So Amazing about Grace
Jesus of Nazereth by Joseph Ratzinger (Pope Benedict)

And reconnected with some of the old music I used to listen to myself...I completely forgot how much I love the album Going Public, by Newsboys, and the album that followed, Take Me to Your Leader.

I know that she has a lot of guilt about her divorce...even though the guy was a complete jerk, an alchoholic and physically abusive, she said its still went against her faith to leave him. I'm hoping someone has some advice there to, on learning how to find forgiveness for something like that, and learning how to forgive yourself too. I don't believe in God, but I know that when you tell a friend that your sorry...its sometimes hard to let go of the guilt even after they say, "That's ok."

Again...any advice would help.

 

[servant of Merciful Love]

Welcome to CF
I don't have any answers for you, but will be praying that you find them here.

 

[biblebeltatheist]

Thank you. After 70 views and 1 reply I'm guessing that's most people's response lol

Either way...I'll stick around and perhaps learn something anyway.

 

[chinchillin]

hi from a fellow noob!

 

[biblebeltatheist]

Hey, chinchillin. Nice to "meet" you

 

[EphesiaNZ]

Well you seem like one of the "better read" atheists on here - welcome!

Divorce is never an easy thing to deal with either believer or non-believer. You just have to be there to support as best you can.

I was basically an atheist when I married my Baptist wife - now I'm a Christian, yes He does work in mysterious ways. I'm glad you're "reconnecting" with some of your old past - that will mean a lot to her if you meet her half way with your "opposing beliefs".

Wish you both good luck in the future.

 

[matieh]

I don't think it necessarily is a problem. It all depends if both people are willing to compromise really.

 

[biblebeltatheist]

EphesiaNz and matieh. Thank you, and nice to meet you both.

I'm definitely willing to do whatever is necessary to compromise, I love this woman. Plus, I explained to her from the beginning that its far more easy for me to compromise than her, and I understand that. I told her that there really aren't any "atheist" activities that I do that would be a problem for her. We don't have our own church, or kneel beside the bed at night and pray to Darwin Lol. You know?

To me, if she decides to go to church regularly, I'd be just fine going with her. I just don't want her to be "that woman", who goes to church all alone and worries about her husband. It would just be extra time I get to spend with her anyhow, and its not like its going to kill me

So EphesiaNZ...you were an atheist before you married your baptist wife? Were you a Christian before you became an atheist, or just raised with freethinking parents?

 

[EphesiaNZ]

So EphesiaNZ...you were an atheist before you married your baptist wife? Were you a Christian before you became an atheist, or just raised with freethinking parents?

Yes, I was probably a passive atheist (if there is such a thing) until about my mid 30's. I guess one of the factors that started to turn me around was seeing my two kids being born - this is truly miraculous to see first hand! After that my "none belief" was kinda in doubt but it took a few more years before I started questioning myself about God.

I was raised by a non-practicing Catholic mother and non-believing father - at no time did I have "religion" pushed onto me by either parent. However, my grandmother was a strong Irish Catholic lady, who I remember to this day with great fondness.

 

[biblebeltatheist]

Ephesia. Thanks for sharing. I'm always interested to know what reasons ex-atheists give for their new belief. I can't say that I've ever heard a testimony that I really relate to, but it still interests me. I've always wondered what makes believers "tick", so to speak. Or what lies at the heart and root of their faith. Its just not something I understand, and I haven't really had the time to see if its even something that's been empirically researched in great detail. lol But that's me. I used to keep up with the sciences up until a few years ago, and was always pretty argumentative with "believers", but I found a Zen proverb that best describes how I feel about it now...

A student asked his teacher, "Master, what happens after enlightenment?"
The teacher thought for a moment and said, "After enlightenment...comes the laundry."

I feel like I've got too much "living" to do instead of worrying about who believes what, now.

 

[pocaracas]

Hi!
I'm an atheist and married to a catholic girl with whom I have 3 kids.
She goes to mass every Sunday and I stay at home with the kids.
She wants to teach them all about believing..... I just shake those beliefs every now and then with some simple questions beginning with "why".
My advice to you, for what it's worth, is to relax and don't worry. You love each other so just enjoy that and do your best to let her do her thing and hope that she thinks the same way.

 

[biblebeltatheist]

Thank you pocaracas, and nice to meet you. You're probably right, I think I am far more worried than I need to be. I know at the beginning of our relationship I was worried that she would "draw a line in the sand" about my atheism, and that it would be a deal breaker, and it really hurt to realise that someone might judge you for your non-belief, and not as a person. But we talked about what we believe, and she didn't do that at all, which I should have known, because she's great.

I think the main thing I worry about now isn't that I would loose her over my non-belief, but just that I always want to be there for her in every way, and if she comes to me someday (like she kinda already has with dealing with her divorce) and has some religious issue/problem that I won't have any good advice or know how to help her. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone.

But like you said, I'm probably worrying too much, and I can certainly see that. Me and her are pretty ridiculously obsessed with each other lol But I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

[pocaracas]

... I always want to be there for her in every way, and if she comes to me someday (like she kinda already has with dealing with her divorce) and has some religious issue/problem that I won't have any good advice or know how to help her. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone.

If she comes to you with some religious issue/problem, she'll be expecting you to be yourself. Offer your unbiased opinion and, if you can, remember all those years when you were a child and were taught about religion from your parents and use that, always with the opening: When I was a kid, I was taught that [bla bla bla]; or I always thought that [bla bla bla].

The other day, a friend of my wife, advised me to read a book. It's called "Faith Explained", by Leo Trese. It explains all the details of catholic faith... doesn't go into detail on some 'whys' and avoids others altogether, but it provides you with their point of view. It's catholic, but I think most of it should apply to most christian religions. If you feel up to it, read the book (this or any other your wife may suggest), learn something about their view and their rules and, when requested, you can provide an informed opinion.

 

[biblebeltatheist]

If she comes to you with some religious issue/problem, she'll be expecting you to be yourself. Offer your unbiased opinion and, if you can, remember all those years when you were a child and were taught about religion from your parents and use that, always with the opening: When I was a kid, I was taught that [bla bla bla]; or I always thought that [bla bla bla].

The other day, a friend of my wife, advised me to read a book. It's called "Faith Explained", by Leo Trese.

I already feel a lot more relaxed about it. Where I live, there aren't a lot of atheists in Christian marriages (that I'm aware of), so I just haven't had anyone to really talk to about it. Its good just to hear that there are some out there, and that things seem to run smoothly.

And I'll add that book to my Amazon wish-list for sure. I looked it up, and it looks interesting. She's not catholic, but it does look like it covers a lot of general Christian topics, and I've always wondered a bit about why the Catholics have certain practices, like the Rosary thing...so maybe I can cure 2 curiosities with one stone

 

[carlal19]

Love is powerful. This relationship works if they truly love each other

 

[matieh]

Best of luck with everything. I hope (and pray) everything works out for you both.

 

[biblebeltatheist]

Love is powerful. This relationship works if they truly love each other

I believe so too. We're pretty ridiculously in love. Attached at the hip wherever we go, and it seems I don't feel complete when she's not around. I think everything will be ok. I was probably worrying more than necessary when I first got on this forum, but I tend to always be thinking ahead and trying to "figure things out" before hand.

 

[rainy]

Welcome to CF

 

[Krissy Cakes]

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