Choosing your attractions

[geekgirlkelli]

Yet another offshoot from another thread...

It has been said that some choose to be gay (or bi) and indeed someone here says they chose to be bi.

Did you actually choose to be bi are you simply acting on natural attraction?

Further, if it is simply a choice (I don't see how it could be, but I am eager to have it explained to me) how does that affect how people should view your choice? Does it make any difference? Is it harder to defend your relationship(s) when you say that it is simply a choice rather than a concession to nature?

 

[PantsMcFist]

I think there are cognitive choices about attraction and there aren't. Now, I understand fully how sexuality and gender scripts are passed on, and internalized, but that doesn't change what type of woman I am attracted to. I cognitively chose to be with an intelligent woman first, to leave physical attractiveness as secondary, so in that sense we can overcome our programming.

As far as base sexuality goes, it really depends on when the child's sex drive emerged. At a certain age in our culture, boys stop playing "just the boys" games, and girls stop playing "just the girls" games, and they start to play together. This is roughly around the time sex drive emerges. I say roughly because there are many kids who have an emergent sex drive while they are still playing gender specific games. This early emergence is one of the primary indicators for future homosexuality.

 

[selfinflikted]

I think there are cognitive choices about attraction and there aren't. Now, I understand fully how sexuality and gender scripts are passed on, and internalized, but that doesn't change what type of woman I am attracted to. I cognitively chose to be with an intelligent woman first, to leave physical attractiveness as secondary, so in that sense we can overcome our programming.

As far as base sexuality goes, it really depends on when the child's sex drive emerged. At a certain age in our culture, boys stop playing "just the boys" games, and girls stop playing "just the girls" games, and they start to play together. This is roughly around the time sex drive emerges. I say roughly because there are many kids who have an emergent sex drive while they are still playing gender specific games. This early emergence is one of the primary indicators for future homosexuality.

Source?

 

[cantata]

Yet another offshoot from another thread...

It has been said that some choose to be gay (or bi) and indeed someone here says they chose to be bi.

Did you actually choose to be bi are you simply acting on natural attraction?

I take it you mean me.

I mean I really chose it. Over about three of my teenage years, I systematically focused my interest on women. I had never had a sexual thought about women before this. Over that time, I gradually developed a sexual interest in women which resulted in my being very bisexual. My reasons for doing this were not, I am ashamed to say, very good ones; however, the result has been wonderful for me. If anything I'm slightly more attracted to women now than I am to men, and I love being bisexual. It fits beautifully with my personality and my attitude towards relationships in general.

This page may interest you.

http://www.queerbychoice.com/faq.html

I don't agree with everything said on that site, but at least some of it rings true with me and it may give you a sense of how people like me have got to where we are.

Further, if it is simply a choice (I don't see how it could be, but I am eager to have it explained to me) how does that affect how people should view your choice? Does it make any difference? Is it harder to defend your relationship(s) when you say that it is simply a choice rather than a concession to nature?

I don't tend to tell people that it was a choice for me in everyday situations. Yes, it can be difficult, but I love my sexual orientation and I wouldn't change it for the world, and fortunately for me I have never had to deal with any serious discrimination so far. To be honest, being bisexual, it will always be relatively difficult to justify having sex with women because I don't "have" to, but also luckily, a bi woman is a pretty trendy thing to be these days so that's not too much of a problem either.

Incidentally, I could never change back. There are some people on QueerByChoice.com who went from straight to gay. I couldn't manage that. (I tried.) I think it's much easier to get to like something than to stop liking something, and I have always been attracted to men.

 

[geekgirlkelli]

I take it you mean me.

Well, I wasn't trying to single you out, though you did make yourself known. I meant anyone who fit the criteria.

Thanks for the info. I will do some reading.

 

[PantsMcFist]

Source?

Authentic Human Sexuality - 2nd Edition by Judith K. Balswick

 

[Sitswithamouse]

I never chose to be Bi-sexual, I have always been attracted to both genders for as far back as I can remember.
I had a crush on Suzie Quatro when I was 7. and then also had a crush on Donny Osmond and was convinced I was going to be married to him when I turned 18.

The one thing that strikes me in my youth is that I was Gender non conformist and when all the girls wanted a sindy doll, I wanted a tommy gun and Evil Kenevil stunt bike game. I didn't like girly dresses and preffered to dress in trousers. My parents forced me to conform to the girl stereotype and I sometimes wonder if they and society actually made me Bi, when I should have been a fully fledged babe magnet .
I chose to get married and have children because I desired to pass on my genes and I wanted a family. I was married for 17 years and recently split from my husband but I don't choose to embark on any relationship with any gender at present because I am not divorced yet and do see myself committing adultery until myself and my ex decide to make things legal with divorce proceedings.
It's not a problem for me if someone chooses to become Bisexual it is a personal choice, it doesn't harm anyone and we are all diverse in our natures and preferences (as long as no harm is caused to innocents by our choices or the genetic make up we were born with.).

 

[David Brider]

Personally, I'd say I've never chosen who to be attracted to.

Up until last summer, I'd tended to view myself as heterosexual, but there were occasional instances when I'd see a guy (usually a celebrity) who made me think, "gosh, he's rather attractive."

Then last summer - around the time when there were a lot of people in the public eye all at once making me have such thoughts (John Simm, David Tennant, and John Barrowman all appearing in the same episode of Doctor Who rather frazzled my brain, and Heroes' Milo Ventimiglia still makes me go a bit wobbly at the knees), and I realised that really, "I'm heterosexual but I fancy all these guys" didn't really work, and I might as well just say what the heck, I'm bisexual.

So I didn't choose to be bisexual, but I did choose to apply that label to myself.

Although to a certain extent it's a bit irrelevant to my life (as I'm engaged to a woman, and have no intention of being unfaithful to her with anyone, male or female), I feel an increased solidarity with other FABGLITTERs everywhere.

David.

 

[brightmorningstar]

Apart from the fact that we are getting varying views just backs up the fact that there is no consensus of agreement on this.
Regardless of any nurture/nature, debate, is the desire to do something any reason to do it? And is the desire for example that an alcoholic has for a drink any stronger or weaker than someone’s sexual desire? I would suggest not.

Furthermore what is the difference between a temptation and a desire. For the Christian we may be tempted by certain things which our desire is not to succumb to and do. For example as a Christian I do get adulterous thoughts but my desire is to avoid them and avoid acting on them.
Is this a concept familiar with non-Christians?

 

[cantata]

I consider bisexuality a virtue, brightmorningstar.

 

[brightmorningstar]

To cantata,
Ok but thats a moral judgement, are you "tempted/have any desires for " things you dont consider virtuous or even which you consider morally wrong?

 

[Andreusz]

I never chose to be gay. I realized I was gay when I was about 12 years old; as I was attending a very homophobic school in a very homophobic city, this was rather frightening. I went through a period of trying to force myself to be attracted to girls, but it never worked. So gayness wasn't a choice in my case.
That said, if it is a choice for some people, what's wrong with that? Some people choose to bungee-jump, which is clearly an unnatural, depraved activity, and contrary to God's intentions; but you don't see Christians protesting at bungee-jumping sites, or starting organizations to help bungee-jumpers to give up their addiction.

 

[brightmorningstar]

But what is so different about sexual attractions as opposed to love or geed or wealth or power, which many more people are attracted to?

Why is it so called homosexuals see everything in terms of sexual attraction?

 

[Andreusz]

Heterosexuals organize a good portion of their lives around sexual attraction too.

 

[Polycarp_fan]

Yet another offshoot from another thread...

It has been said that some choose to be gay (or bi) and indeed someone here says they chose to be bi.

Did you actually choose to be bi are you simply acting on natural attraction?

Further, if it is simply a choice (I don't see how it could be, but I am eager to have it explained to me) how does that affect how people should view your choice? Does it make any difference? Is it harder to defend your relationship(s) when you say that it is simply a choice rather than a concession to nature?

If you take the miniscule nimbers of examples "in nature" of a supposedly homosexual individual in a herd of grazing beasts or large group of penguins out there in the natural setting, to the ubiquitous gay sex adherant in human society, it sure looks like a personal choice and taste behavior.

Humans and rational thought. Let's not forget we are not the same as unreasoning beasts.

 

[cantata]

To cantata,
Ok but thats a moral judgement, are you "tempted/have any desires for " things you dont consider virtuous or even which you consider morally wrong?

Yes.

And then, if I succeed in upholding my principles, I don't do those things.

I am sometimes tempted to say mean things to people. It is against my principles to say mean things to people. Therefore, despite the temptation, I try not to say mean things to people.

I'm not sure what your point is, though. I don't consider bisexuality to be immoral, so I do not violate my principles by sleeping with women.

 

[Polycarp_fan]

I never chose to be gay. I realized I was gay when I was about 12 years old; as I was attending a very homophobic school in a very homophobic city, this was rather frightening. I went through a period of trying to force myself to be attracted to girls, but it never worked. So gayness wasn't a choice in my case.
That said, if it is a choice fo some people, what's wrong with that? Some people choose to bungee-jump, which is clearly an unnatural, depraved activity, and contrary to God's intentions; but you don't see Christians protesting at bungee-jumping sites, or starting organizations to help bungee-jumpers to give up their addiction.

Thank you Andruesz.

I couldn't have asked for a better example of the way you guys believe.

 

[Polycarp_fan]

Heterosexuals organize a good portion of their lives around sexual attraction too.

And what are you comparing?

Uh huh.

 

[David Brider]

Apart from the fact that we are getting varying views just backs up the fact that there is no consensus of agreement on this.

Regardless of any nurture/nature, debate, is the desire to do something any reason to do it?

We're not talking about a desire to do something. We're talking about who we're romantically and physically attracted to, and whether or not we choose who we're romantically and physically attracted to.

David.

 

[Maren]

If you take the miniscule nimbers of examples "in nature" of a supposedly homosexual individual in a herd of grazing beasts or large group of penguins out there in the natural setting, to the ubiquitous gay sex adherant in human society, it sure looks like a personal choice and taste behavior.

Humans and rational thought. Let's not forget we are not the same as unreasoning beasts.

Let's try this with another rare trait:

If you take the miniscule nimbers of examples "in nature" of a supposedly hemophiliac individual in a herd of grazing beasts or large group of penguins out there in the natural setting, to the hemophiliac in human society, it sure looks like a personal choice and taste behavior.

Humans and rational thought. Let's not forget we are not the same as unreasoning beasts.