Children at 30 something?

[rossignol]

I'm 34, single and want a family. Being pregnant after 35 doubles your chances of having an autistic child among other things. I always thought it would be selfish to have children unless God directly told me to. I know I won't find a husband within a year so I think it would be easier just to give up on the idea of children but that's hard to do when I pictured me having children my whole life.

I know some other future options for me is fostering or adopting older children but it's hard to let go of the idea I may not birth a child some day.

Does anyone else feel this crunch? How do you keep yourself from desperate moment and when do you give up?

 

[MessianicMommy]

I turned 30 this past november. I have two kids (1st I had at 26, the 2nd I had at 28), but would like more and have to wait a couple more years due to my health. I will likely be your age when I try - but most people I have known that are having children here, are in their early to mid 30s. If your health is good and you manage your pregnancy well with doctor/midwife care, things should be pretty much even keel and well.

Many women have very healthy pregnancies even into their mid and late 40s.

May G-d give you peace in whichever way you're being led, whether that is or isn't having children.

 

[Toro]

My nephew was born autistic to a mid-late 20 year old so God decides how your child will be born, even if the child is autistic there is a reason for it, NOT statistics.

I am 32 and I dont see me married and soon to be a father in 2 years and some months when I find myself in that situation I will just spend my time praying 2 things.

1) My baby will be healthy
2) I wont mess up horribly raising the child.

 

[rossignol]

My nephew was born autistic to a mid-late 20 year old so God decides how your child will be born, even if the child is autistic there is a reason for it, NOT statistics.

I am 32 and I dont see me married and soon to be a father in 2 years and some months when I find myself in that situation I will just spend my time praying 2 things.

1) My baby will be healthy
2) I wont mess up horribly raising the child.

Thank you for your reply. I don't think that an autistic child can not be of God, only have fears in which I'm looking at now.

I am encouraged by your response.

 

[diychristian]

My wife was 35 when she had our daughter. She has a stressful job, we don't always eat well (although she ate alot of salmon when pregnant), and she doesn't exercise. Our daughter is two and maybe actually gifted. Thinking about another.

 

[stilsearching]

Yes, I am in an identical crunch. It is dissappointing to see that local churches don't have Single's events where Christians can meet each other. I tried finding conferences, retreats etc. Nada.
I occassionally think that I might need to meet a widower with children, save my eggs or quite possibly when I told God " if I am not married by 95 then I will become a nun" he took it seriously, even though I was like 10, and so I am on my way.

 

[ClairEuk73]

I had my third child at 33 and he was born perfectly healthy. There are lots of tests to see if there are any problems (although some of the tests, like amniocentesis carry their own risk and I chose not to have them), so that if any problems did present themselves, you have time to 'prepare'.
I asked God for my son, and he was given (quite quickly, as it happens, within 3 months). Ask, and if it's right, you will receive - even if you don't have a partner at the moment. Ask for the 'right' partner first. You still have time.
Don't give up!
As for God directly telling you to, I wonder how you perceive this. To my mind, it is our responsibility to put things in place for them to happen, and if it is God's will, they will. (For example, actively trying for a baby, like we did)I hope that makes sense.
Best wishes to you.

 

[katautumn]

I had my son at 21 and he has autism. I'm looking forward to trying to conceive a first husband with my husband. I'm 31 and he's 47. Honestly, I believe all children are a blessing. If we sat back and tried to plan it according to the risks, nobody would have children.

 

[rossignol]

Yes, I am in an identical crunch. It is dissappointing to see that local churches don't have Single's events where Christians can meet each other. I tried finding conferences, retreats etc. Nada.
I occassionally think that I might need to meet a widower with children, save my eggs or quite possibly when I told God " if I am not married by 95 then I will become a nun" he took it seriously, even though I was like 10, and so I am on my way.

Exactly, there is always singles groups in church for 20 somethings or teens but not older. There are groups in church for married couples etc but not for us who are single and 30 or 40 something etc.

I have never had people to relate with me in church cause when I was young my Dad started a church and I was the only teen. Now that I'm older and single, it's the same, no group that fits me.

 

[renewed21]

I can empathize with you. I am in your situation except a little worse.
As far as meeting a Christian man, have you tried Christian dating sites?
Maybe in the area that you live in there is a Church with a large membership that you can look into as to whether you will find people you can relate to.

I would also like to caution the idea of attributing autism or down syndrome to a hard number ( a threshold if you will) as far as the age of the mother.

Don't give up, don't quit trying. God Bless

 

[Annie Mouse]

I have some female friends who had babies in their late thirties (around age 38). For all of them it was their first and only biological child, though one of them also adopted an additional kid. The kids turned out very healthy.

 

[Grace51]

I'm 34, single and want a family. Being pregnant after 35 doubles your chances of having an autistic child among other things. I always thought it would be selfish to have children unless God directly told me to. I know I won't find a husband within a year so I think it would be easier just to give up on the idea of children but that's hard to do when I pictured me having children my whole life.

I know some other future options for me is fostering or adopting older children but it's hard to let go of the idea I may not birth a child some day.

Does anyone else feel this crunch? How do you keep yourself from desperate moment and when do you give up?

like yourself, i always knew i wanted kids. i love kids. and i think in someways, for me, having my bio child does seem somewhat diff than adopting ( though i cant explain it).

like yourself, i am also fastly approaching that 35 mark. And my relationship with my bf really isnt getting any more serious.

i don't know. while i would like to have my own kids one day. in end of the day, if that doesnt happen. i am more than happy to go with adoption.

try not to think too much. God has His plan, and it may not be the one you want, but it will be the best, that is all i can say.

 

[Humble Pie]

Eating well should improve the quality of your eggs.

My mum had my brother and I between the ages of 37-39. My bro is gifted and I'm pretty average. The pregnancies were much worse for mum than for us. She also had regrets about having children late. I think she felt a bit worn out because we were just more kids, afterall she'd had her first hatchlings in her mid 20s.

 

[ClairEuk73]

I can relate to your mum...I had a 13 year gap between my middle child and my youngest, and my pregnancy and birth of my youngest were much harder. Having said that, I don't know if that was because I was in my thirties or whether it was because he was my third and I was wearing my body out lol

 

[AndieGirl]

I am in a similar situation. I am 32, single, and the only single 30-something in my church to boot. The only new guys I encounter in my life are not the kind of guys I would want to date, much less marry. If I do marry (which I'm not convinced will happen), it certainly won't be soon. I do want to have kids someday, but I also don't want to rush finding a husband in order to make that happen. So I simply decided a long time ago to focus on the present and have a fun life, no matter what comes of it. Maybe I will have kids, maybe I won't, maybe I will adopt, maybe I won't. In the meantime, enjoying my house all to myself and spoiling my nieces and nephews isn't such a bad life. Plus, as the apostle Paul tells us, it is actually preferable in many ways to be single and without the responsibility of children - we have more time to devote to God and Bible study. Focus on taking advantage of that now. Women our age who have husbands and 2.5 kids don't have that luxury, so as much as it might not seem like it, it really is something to be thankful for.

 

[rossignol]

Thank you for all your responses.

I can empathize with you. I am in your situation except a little worse.
As far as meeting a Christian man, have you tried Christian dating sites?
Maybe in the area that you live in there is a Church with a large membership that you can look into as to whether you will find people you can relate to.

I would also like to caution the idea of attributing autism or down syndrome to a hard number ( a threshold if you will) as far as the age of the mother.

Don't give up, don't quit trying. God Bless

I have tried a Christian dating site and some that aren't. I recently wrote a church I go to once and a while, a letter asking for a meeting with either the pastor or an elder to talk about my situation and anxiety that I have when I go to church. I would love to be involved but I have distrust with men in church because I see predators and anxiety in groups of people that overwhelms me.

 

[Diane_Windsor]

Does anyone else feel this crunch? How do you keep yourself from desperate moment and when do you give up?

How do you give up on a dream? I'm still struggling to answer that question myself. After four years DH and I have stopped TTCing and in several ways it is similar to mourning a loss of a family member or dear friend at times. Each of us grieves differently. Of course everytime I feel like I'm entering the acceptance stage I go back one or two steps. If we're meant to have a child then a child will come. If not then so be it. Life will still go on and we still have the ability and freedom to choose to transcend suffering and enjoy our lives together

As for when you should "give up", only you can answer that question for yourself.

 

[redtulip]

I had my first at 32 and second at 35...both are VERY Healthy!!

 

[scraparcs]

I'm in a similar boat. I'm starting to just let go and think that what happens happens.