Child wanting to change his name

[JaneFW]

My 12yo has decided that he doesn't like his first name! He hasn't liked it for a long time. It's fairly unusual in the US but not in England (where I am from, and where he was born). He has abbreviated it this past year, but now he has asked if we can start calling him by his middle name, and if he can change his name officially when he is 16. I'm kind of upset about this, but not making a big deal of it (no drama!). It is a long time until he will be 16, and he might change his mind. I certainly can't just change overnight and call him by his middle name, and the difficult thing about that is that his middle name is Edward - he was named after my dad - and he wants to be known by the diminutive, Eddie. My dad was also called by that, and well, it's kind of tough for me to think of my son being called "Eddie" because of some family background reasons, and I don't think that I can ever call him that. Has anyone else come across a child being this determined to change their name?

 

[cmarie423]

What is his name? I hated mine when I was younger my name is Cheyenne but later on I learned to like it, he probably just needs time. I've always been one for unusual names so hopefully my son likes his when he's older. His name is Flint Jasper. I know it must be disapointing but I'm sure he'll grow out of it.

 

[The Princess Bride]

He will probably grow out it - but to him his name is part of his identity, and a name that sets him up to be picked on at school may be part of his reason for wanting to change it. I know I would be devastated if my son wanted to change his name one day - but that is the name he will go by for the rest of his life and I would rather my son be happy about his name and having a good relationship with him than be upset that he didn't approve of the name I chose for him. He's still your son at the end of the day - no matter his choice.

 

[hedrick]

My 12yo has decided that he doesn't like his first name! He hasn't liked it for a long time.

I teach 7th and 8th grade Sunday School. It's fairly common for kids to use a different name than their parents' original choice. Sometimes parents adapt and sometimes they don't. If it's his middle name he probably doesn't need a legal name change, and I'd recommend against it until he's old enough to be sure his attitude isn't going to change. If he's John Edward Smith, he can use J. Edward Smith, and ask to be called Eddie. I've seen plenty of adults with that type of name. You can consult a lawyer, but I think that form would be OK even for legal signatures.

 

[CRAZY_CAT_WOMAN]

I wanted to change my name to Candy,because people nicked name me that,becaause I liked Candy.Well by the time I was 16,I never thought of changing my name and like it more,since I was told it was french.Maybe he'll change his mind as he gets older.

 

[JaneFW]

He knows that I changed my name, and I think that's why he's so aware that it can be done, but the difference is that I was baptized Catherine Jane but was always, by my parents, called Jane, so my identity was with Jane, not Catherine. But I went through a long, long period of this whole confusion where "officialdom" called me Catherine, and it got frustrating, so about 5 years ago, I became Jane [new middle name] [last name]. But, like I said, that is different because my parents created that confusion in the first place. If they had called me Catherine, I would have stuck with Catherine.

I think that the advice to have him use C. Edward is good advice, but I don't think he realizes how much explaining he will have to do, lol. I do, because I've been there. Maybe he will get fed up and just revert to his first name.

His first name is Callum (Cah-lum, not Kay-lum) which is Gaelic Irish and, like I said, very, very common in the UK. Just not here. Although there are people who have Calum and Calom and use the harsh "a" as in Kaylum. I think also he might not want to go through all the explanations of how to pronounce his name in high school. He has been at the same small, private, Christian school since first grade so everyone knows him, and knows how to pronounce his name, but prior to that, I was always having to tell people how to say it correctly.

 

[SiyoNqoba]

My sister-in-law changed her name when she was just 9 years old. It was previously Gretel. My mother-in-law gave her a list of names that she was able to choose from (which I think was an excellent idea, as it saved her from choosing a name she'd regret). The name she chose suits her very well, I can't imagine calling her Gretel.

 

[hedrick]

I think also he might not want to go through all the explanations of how to pronounce his name in high school. He has been at the same small, private, Christian school since first grade so everyone knows him, and knows how to pronounce his name, but prior to that, I was always having to tell people how to say it correctly.

How flexible is his school? I doubt that internal school lists will use all three names. Can you ask the office to list him by his middle name? It's not that unusual for people to go by their middle name.

That would give him several years before he has to face this again. I'd think pretty much everyone else would use whatever name you or he gives them.

 

[Puptart]

I'm not a parent but I have been a child who has wanted to change her name. For the people who say "he'll grow out of it": I didn't.

I disliked my name for as long as I can remember. Then when I went to Junior High, we were taken by bus from the elementary school in Grade 6 to fill out papers. It was pretty cool, it was our first time filling anything out by ourselves and all.. and I put my name down as "Second Name" instead "First Name". Well, my mother almost killed me. I'm lucky I escaped that encounter alive once she found out what I had done..

Looking back, I really wish my parents would have been a little more open minded. I hate my first name.. which is also not an unusual name at all, it just doesn't "suit me" if that makes any sense.

When I was 21 I finally left my parents house and moved clear across the country. First thing I did was change my name. However, when I got married, I hyphenated my first name on the unofficial records and on the invitations and what not. I did that because I wanted not to insult my mother.

What I found out is that she had grown up almost as much as I had since we last saw each other. She was very apologetic over what happened when I was a kid. She said she wished she hadn't taken it so personally, and that she could see I was just "trying to be me". If she had it to do over again, she says she would have handled it differently. But she was honored I considered her feelings when I did up all the invitations and what not.

Anyway, just thought I'd tell that tale for you.

 

[cmarie423]

He knows that I changed my name, and I think that's why he's so aware that it can be done, but the difference is that I was baptized Catherine Jane but was always, by my parents, called Jane, so my identity was with Jane, not Catherine. But I went through a long, long period of this whole confusion where "officialdom" called me Catherine, and it got frustrating, so about 5 years ago, I became Jane [new middle name] [last name]. But, like I said, that is different because my parents created that confusion in the first place. If they had called me Catherine, I would have stuck with Catherine.

I think that the advice to have him use C. Edward is good advice, but I don't think he realizes how much explaining he will have to do, lol. I do, because I've been there. Maybe he will get fed up and just revert to his first name.

His first name is Callum (Cah-lum, not Kay-lum) which is Gaelic Irish and, like I said, very, very common in the UK. Just not here. Although there are people who have Calum and Calom and use the harsh "a" as in Kaylum. I think also he might not want to go through all the explanations of how to pronounce his name in high school. He has been at the same small, private, Christian school since first grade so everyone knows him, and knows how to pronounce his name, but prior to that, I was always having to tell people how to say it correctly.

That's an awesome name. It's too bad he doesn't like it, he has a very handsome name.

 

[CRAZY_CAT_WOMAN]

I would just call him by his middle name,tell him he could change it,when he turns 18.

 

[Puptart]

I would just call him by his middle name,tell him he could change it,when he turns 18.

This is what I'd do. This is what I wish my mother had done.

He doesn't have to "legally" change it to just use the name. If you contact the school and arrange it, they can even probably change it on the records for the teachers and what not. That way, he can always change his mind later!

 

[CelticRose]

Hated my given name. Always. First thing I did as soon as I was legally able was change it. I am so glad I did. Don't count on him growing out of it. Names are very personal & hating ones names transfers far too easily into hating oneself. I'd be looking at acceptable options you can both live with.

 

[RN4CHRIST]

You do not have to legally change your name to go by another name. I have never gone by my given name, even my mother called me by my "nickname" all the way through school, the teachers would call me by my "nickname" even on the first day of classes. My legal documents have my given name, but my name badge at work and everything else has my "nickname". I would not worry so much about a legal name change, just ask what he wants to be called and tell the school what to call him.

 

[akmom]

I've never heard the name Callum, but it sounds like a perfectly decent name. He should just get over it. No one gets to pick their first name. If he wants to use his middle name unofficially, that seems fine. I certainly wouldn't go through the hassle and expense of a legal name change at the request of a 12-year-old!

 

[JaneFW]

No, I wasn't going to legally change his name at this age! I know that kids can change their mind from day to day, let alone month to month, so that wasn't on the cards.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

As I noted in the androgynous names thread, I didn't grow out of my desire to change my name, but then I had issues with it other than merely disliking it. A complete legal change was my last option. I tried using my original middle name, but that didn't help the gender issue. Lynn is just as androgynous as Robin is, and IMO it's boring on top of that. There was no available nickname. Robbie would have been even worse, and defeated the purpose altogether. I tried altering the spelling, but Robyn is pronounced the same, and that Y had no effect.

Finally I gave up altogether, and changed it.

If "Eddie" carries too much baggage for you, would another form of Edward be more acceptable? How would he feel about Ned, or Ted (which works for Edward as well as *shudder* Theodore?)

 

[JaneFW]

I already mentioned to him about being called Ted, which actually my dad was known by his family as Ted or Teddy, so lol, there's no escaping it! He is just fixated on Eddie. He even signed his Father's Day card (we had an early Father's Day because of vacation plans) from "Eddie". *sigh*

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

I already mentioned to him about being called Ted, which actually my dad was known by his family as Ted or Teddy, so lol, there's no escaping it! He is just fixated on Eddie. He even signed his Father's Day card (we had an early Father's Day because of vacation plans) from "Eddie". *sigh*

Then if it were my own son, I'd go with it, until such time if any that he changes his mind.

I'm experiencing something similar with my daughter who, at age 28, now wants to be called by an offshoot of her middle name, when she has been called by her full-length first name all her life. She can call herself what she wants, of course, but it's hard for me to remember to call her that. Also, my nephew in his late teens has two middle names. He has been called by his third name all his life, but now wants to be addressed by his second name. (His mother only calls him by his first name when she's telling him off. )

I say it's hard for me to remember, but I have to keep in mind that I did legally change my own name, and that what I am called in the family is something of a litmus test to see who really cares about my feelings and who doesn't. Those who do tend to address me by the name I chose. Those who don't, ignore it and make a point of calling me Robin. I make allowances for failing to remember, but there are those who have simply chosen not to acknowledge the name change, and I see it not necessarily as disrespect by itself, but as evidence of underlying disrespect. Example, on one occasion my mother addressed me by my chosen name, whereupon my grandmother indignantly corrected her. "Her name is Robin!" Well, I've got legal documents showing it isn't.