Child refuses to potty

[nateboy]

My 3 1/2 year old can go potty at preschool but he still needs a pull up (useless) due to his constipation problems. That is a topic from long past. Anyways, at home we put him in underwear and he refuses to go potty. He sometimes just pees and acts like it's no big deal. Alright, this child used to have severe sensory issues where he HATED the feeling of wetness....he is the opposite now. He will then tell us that he wants a diaper, he doesn't like underwear. It's like he is peeing because he wants a diaper. We usually change him back into underwear when he does this; we don't reward him. He is just learning to hold his pee pee. Before, he would sit down to go pee. When I go with him, he refuses to hold it and grabs my hand to make me hold it. I don't. I only did it once when we were first showing him how to stand up peeing. Now he will just stand there and refuse to go pee. After a period of him just standing there crying for me to help him, I usually end up putting him on the toilet or calling my husband over to help if my husband is home. I don't help him because I know he can do it because he now stands up to pee when my husband is around and I am not. With both of us, after he goes to the bathroom he refuses to pull up his underwear and will cry...he will sometimes yell saying he can't do it. We have left him in our bathroom because he can pull up his pants. He does it all the time when he is getting dressed in the morning. During that time, he wont let us help him and he will say, "Me do it!" If we help him put on his clothes during that time, he will become so upset that he will take off all of his clothes just to put it on himself. He is usually a good kid but is really struggling between this independence yet wanting to remain a little. He has told us three times today that he HATES underwear and wants diapers. He has even told me that he wants to be a little boy and doesn't want to be a big boy. Yet, he often says to us..."Me do it..Me do it!!"

Anyone relate??? Our child is wonderful but extremely strong-willed. This whole potty training thing has been very hard on me. I feel inept. Reward system doesn't work with us...especially with me and my son. My son would rather miss out on a reward then go potty by himself. This is not fun.

A lot of parents have kid s that really want the big kid underwear. If you are one of those parents...kuddos. You are lucky. If you can relate to my situation and have successfully potty trained a child that is like mine, please PLEASE give me some advice.

 

[Linnis]

Have you tried the whole day of potty training? I mean hanging out in the bathroom with lots of drinks and books and drinking and making him sit? I would have to look up more on this technique but I have heard it works well by several parents.

I have not potty trained my son and my nephew came potty trained so I have no personal advice.

 

[mommy68]

Do you have any other children in the home? Maybe he is acting like a baby due to jealousy issues. My youngest child took til 3 1/2 before finally getting trained and this was after starting preschool and them taking the kids to the potty every hour on the hour. They tend to do it when they see their peers doing it. Maybe he is wanting your attention for some reason. Are you busy during the day alot or go to work? Perhaps he is just wanting that extra attention from you in any area he can get it and this is one area because you get frustrated when he doesn't go potty on his own. Just a thought.

As far as helping him pull his pants down. I would baby him while he needs this attention right now. He will soon grow out of it and move on to something else and use the potty like a pro. In the meantime I'd help him if needed. My youngest child will be 5 very soon and always runs to me instead of the bathroom when needing to pee so I will go along with her. I think it's her seeking attention more than anything.

Oh and another thing I've done is read books to my youngest child when she is going potty, not only when it's poop time, but pee as well. I also encourage her to use fun soaps and keep those in the bathroom and use that as an incentive for when she goes potty independently. She loves to use the foamy soaps so I tell her to go potty and then she can.

 

[nateboy]

Good guesses.

I can't work due to pregnancy issues so lately he receives all my attention. Almost daily we go to the park, we play together at home, we do arts and crafts....he gets all of my time. He still goes to preschool 2 1/2 hours a day and sees all the other kids use the bathroom and he doesn't care. He used to go to the bathroom there but now refuses. He would rather continue doing his art and crafts or whatever he is doing rather than take time out to use the bathroom. He doesn't like being interupted during activities...he is very good at hyperfocusing during activities. We don't have any other children but I am 21 weeks pregnant...which really concerns us for the future.

Using books on the potty is a good idea! I like that one for when he goes poo. Using the bathroom for poo is the most difficult, so perhaps that will help. We do have fun soaps and he loves them. I will try the book idea.

Lately, we do so many things outside of our home that it's hard to have underwear on him all day. There are a few days we spend all day at home just for potty training and then we run out of underwear, seriously!! We have around 8 pair. Since he has a poo problem, he ends up having little skidmark poos in his underwear and due to the nature of his poo, he isn't even aware of it. I really need to call a specialist for his constipation problem along with trying what you both have suggested.

 

[ksbriscoe]

One of my husbands co-works went thought the exact same thing with their son. I KNOW every child is different and the older they get the harder it gets... I have 2 girls, one how is potty trained and one that I'm fixing to start potty taining... anyway back to the co-worker.... they kind of finally gave up fighting with him, took away all the pull-ups (he helped "throw them away") and said you are old enought to use the potty, you know how to use the potty, and you can change yourself when you make a mess. With that they took him to school. They told the teacher that if he needs to go potty that he can do it (before she would put him in a diaper so he could go if he wouldn't use the bathroom) and no more diapers and if he messed himself to let him be like that for the rest of the day. Well sure enough he had to go potty and told the teacher he needed his pull-ups, the teacher told him no but she would take him to the bathroom, when he refused she let it be and he ended up wetting himself. Well of course the other kids teased him and went home in tears. The mom told him that they will keep doing that unless he uses the potty..... after that they never had a problem again. The felt bad for him, but it worked.

 

[sunshiinedays]

Obviously he can do it if he has done it before. At three and a half, he needs to have some consequences for his actions. Make him clean up his own messes. Try not to make a big deal out of the situation, be matter-of-fact. I don't know about his constipation problems, but is there really no way he can go without the pull-up? Having that little backup is going to be a BIG hindrance to his training.

 

[cristianna]

You have my sympathies. I really, really believed my oldest daugther was going to enter kindergarten in pullups. I was a wreck about it. She also (and still is) very strong willed and determined.

I'm only asking because of what you have typed. You said he's recently been taught to stand. Does that really matter (sorry all girls over here)? It comes across to me as he was taught to sit and successfully did it. But then standing was introduced, in which he seems to have regressed since.

 

[icbeckyc]

I can so relate. My youngest did the exact same thing, and they all say girls are easy. HAH! She would go, when she would wouldn't wipe. She did quit accidents during school, guess cause of the teasing, but didn't quit at home or any where else. She would have BM accidents till 4 1/2. Just have to keep doing it, telling him that he is a big boy. Give him a few big boy accivites, something helping in the house maybe. Let him know he is doing a good job with and how great it is that he is a big boy. Hopefully it will roll into the potty thing too. I was so greatful by the time she started Kindergarten, no more accidents at all. Some kids are strong willed and will show it any chance they get. But at 12 years old she still is strongwilled, but is much better about trying to control it and remain calm and talk it though. So it does get better.

 

[Robinsegg]

One thought: Does he know he will be a big brother? Sometimes this knowledge will excite them to "be a big boy" and sometimes it will scare them into wanting to "be a baby again".

Rachel

 

[beccasmommy]

My nephew was the same way, as is my son. My nephew was 3.5 and when he was at my house for three months I got sick of cleaning him up so I made him do it himself when the pooped his pants I gave him clean underwear, box of wipes and a garbage can and put him in the bathroom to clean up and told him to stay there until he was done. the SCREAMED for 45 minutes and then started cleaning himself up. I did this every time for about three days and Voila no more "accidents"
My son on the other hand is famous for the I can't I just ignore it and let him have his tantrum because I know he can do it. It gets time consuming BUT it is working for us. Also I have taught him that if he is really having a hard time to ask us to PLEASE help and if he says this instead of I can't we will help him a little.