Chemistry vs. logic

[memoriesbymichelle]

When I was younger, I used to think that if I did this or that, surely the guy I liked would like me back, right? Of course that isn't always the case. I used to think that a guy I liked would just magically "wake up" one day and realize I was the one for him. Not taking into account of course the fact that he might not be attracted to me or whatever.

I tend to think that sometimes we try to "do" things that we "think" will get us the end result we want, which in this case would be the relationship we want or person we like to like us back. We think about it logically, expecting that if we do all the "right" things we will get what we want. Even though "logically" this doesn't even make sense.

We seem to negate the fact that there needs to be chemistry on both sides for anything to start. I've heard someone I think it was Dr. Oz state that when people like each other, they tend to like their "smell" or something to that effect and I'm not talking about body odor or perfume or cologne. I'm talking about pheromones.

So my question is WHY do some people try to logically "get" someone, by driving the right car, dressing the right way, looking a certain way, making a certain amount, when really none of that plays into attraction?

 

[dayhiker]

Those are all very good points Michelle. I didn't understand those things when I was young. In HS I dated the nice girl for quite a while and then she broke up with me. I was a little obsessed with getting her back. Didn't do anything like sticking her, but did fantasize in my heart like I was.

When I was one the cruise I just talked with about 15 or more women. Would makes the rounds each day, talk for 30 mins to an hour and move one. There appeared to be about 5 that were interested in me. Eventually one really wanted me. So I hung out with her the last day of the cruise. Now none of them struck me that I'm going to go out of my way to be close to this woman. But they were all nice ladies. I guess the thing that attracted me to B was she was in a time of change. Husband died of a tumor 16 yrs earlier. She had raised her kids and now it was her time. So I wanted to make sure that transition to her 1st time hanging with a guy was good for her. It was and she tells me she is in love with me. But see she is an hour flight away in a different country. I can make a big commitment to her being that far away. Well, maybe we will do a vacation together once in a while.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Those are all very good points Michelle. I didn't understand those things when I was young. In HS I dated the nice girl for quite a while and then she broke up with me. I was a little obsessed with getting her back. Didn't do anything like sticking her, but did fantasize in my heart like I was.

When I was one the cruise I just talked with about 15 or more women. Would makes the rounds each day, talk for 30 mins to an hour and move one. There appeared to be about 5 that were interested in me. Eventually one really wanted me. So I hung out with her the last day of the cruise. Now none of them struck me that I'm going to go out of my way to be close to this woman. But they were all nice ladies. I guess the thing that attracted me to B was she was in a time of change. Husband died of a tumor 16 yrs earlier. She had raised her kids and now it was her time. So I wanted to make sure that transition to her 1st time hanging with a guy was good for her. It was and she tells me she is in love with me. But see she is an hour flight away in a different country. I can make a big commitment to her being that far away. Well, maybe we will do a vacation together once in a while.

See, you are acting in kindness and putting others before yourself when you said you wanted her first time hanging out with a guy to be a good one. When you sincerely put others first they can sense that, and it's attractive. Of course she wants you, but different country? Only a one hour flight? now I'm curious where she lives.

 

[dayhiker]

Niagara Falls, Canada.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Oh OK Whenever someone says "another country" I automatically think Europe or Australia or Japan or China. I never think Canada even though it is a different country too

 

[blackribbon]

When we do things as a kid like "if I can hold my breath until we get to the next red light, then....mom will let me go to camp...OR Bobby will like me"... it is called "Magical Thinking". I think that as adults we often do "magical thinking" when it comes to relationships because we can't make love conform to logic. I don't have any answers cause I am guilty of it too...but I think it is very important to recognize it when it is happening so that we don't get hurt by things that are more fictional that reality based.

 

[AvilaSurfer]

I was fortunate. Early on an uncle told me not to "put on airs." You have to be a certain age to understand that. His point was - I might be able to impress someone by acting cool, or wearing the coolest clothes, or whatever, but then what? Do I have to act cool forever? Nah - just be yourself, he said. He said to think "If you like me great, if you don't, I won't lose any sleep over it." He took a lot of pressure off me at a young age.

 

[Jupiter Drops]

When I was younger, I used to think that if I did this or that, surely the guy I liked would like me back, right? Of course that isn't always the case. I used to think that a guy I liked would just magically "wake up" one day and realize I was the one for him. Not taking into account of course the fact that he might not be attracted to me or whatever.

I tend to think that sometimes we try to "do" things that we "think" will get us the end result we want, which in this case would be the relationship we want or person we like to like us back. We think about it logically, expecting that if we do all the "right" things we will get what we want. Even though "logically" this doesn't even make sense.

We seem to negate the fact that there needs to be chemistry on both sides for anything to start. I've heard someone I think it was Dr. Oz state that when people like each other, they tend to like their "smell" or something to that effect and I'm not talking about body odor or perfume or cologne. I'm talking about pheromones.

So my question is WHY do some people try to logically "get" someone, by driving the right car, dressing the right way, looking a certain way, making a certain amount, when really none of that plays into attraction?

Maybe because it's so fake that we think it's real and we want it to be real.

 

[BeachSun]

I was fortunate. Early on an uncle told me not to "put on airs." You have to be a certain age to understand that. His point was - I might be able to impress someone by acting cool, or wearing the coolest clothes, or whatever, but then what? Do I have to act cool forever? Nah - just be yourself, he said. He said to think "If you like me great, if you don't, I won't lose any sleep over it." He took a lot of pressure off me at a young age.

Kinda the best advice ever. I'll have to remember that for my grandbabies - (as my kids are already grown and quite well adjusted ).

 

[dayhiker]

ya, a wise uncle sure is a blessing.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Yep and now that I'm older, it's easier to just be myself. And I would want someone that would like me with all my faults and quirks.

 

[dayhiker]

Ya, being older and being ones self is so much easier. The compliments I get now say I'm doing something right, too.