Cheating/Christian Uncle

[angryone]

My uncle and his wife had been married and together for almost 35 years, she got cervical cancer 2 years ago, and has passed away about a month ago. During the last 2 years, they had a girl come over to help with the horses for my aunt. Which she did, then she started staying at their house, then when my aunt got very sick, she moved in...now lives there with my uncle, and my uncle is or has been having an affair with this 26 year old, he is 60! I asked him about this because i felt as though no one in the family would...at the funeral he did not take a rose, his new girlfriend stood next to him and followed him around...after the funeral was over, he did not go to the lunch with the family, but instead went with his new girlfriend for lunch with a couple of there friends. After lunch, he had to rush back home, when my family saw him only about 15 minutes later, he said that him and his girl "Mindy" were going to go for a "short" motorcycle ride...they left and were gone for 2 hours! Came back and was acting like nothing had happened.
My parents stayed at his house for 2 days, and the whole time he was talking about Mindy this and that...and did not talk about his wife who had just died. Long story short, i sent him an email asking for explanations, he replied, with denials and lies...the entire family knows that he was/is cheating/ having sex with Mindy...
Any help, websites that i can guide him to would be great. He claims that she is a very very christian girl...i would like to send him something so that he can wake up...
He has torn out my aunts rose bushes already, given away all of her clothes, and has said that he is dealing with "single" life very well.
Has anyone else dealt with this? Or is this straight Jerry Springer?
I am serious...Please help! I love my Uncle!
Pray for me, but more so, pray for him!

 

[Freodin]

As long as you do not have evidence that your Uncle had an affair with this girl while his wife was still alive... well, what is your problem?

 

[Buzz Dixon]

You also don't know what your aunt knew about their relationship and/or her attitude to it.

This is a great place to apply MYOB. You don't have to like something to tolerate it. If there is no evidence of wrong doing you must act as if no wrong occured (and, yeah, your uncle's behavior sounds a bit tacky, but that's just bad manners).

 

[angryone]

Oh why not add some more to it...he said 1 week after she died, in a conversation with my mom, " I am falling in love with her!" Out of the blue he says that....
Here is another twist for ya, its my Aunts, Cousins, daughter...

What an evil web we weave when we are going to try and decieve...

 

[Fuzzy]

Since you're asking for input...


Answer 1:
Your uncle may be in some sort of denial regarding your aunt's death, such as
his aversion to be around anything that reminds him of her (clothes, roses, family).
It's not "straight Jerry Springer," it's tragic and sad and might prove a strain on
everyone. He might be able to find a grief counselor through his church. This might
also settle out over time. I'd recommend a google search on grieving processes.
By having the new relationship with the younger girl, her mortality and your aunt's
death (with her mortality) are no longer at the fore. It's a very hard thing watching
someone waste away.




Answer 2 (you may not like this answer):
It's entirely possible your uncle went through the entire grieving process back when
your aunt was first diagnosed, thus he's been waiting for her to die for the last year
or so. It's also possible that your aunt and uncle reached some sort of accomidation
regarding their relationship that permitted him to have a relationship with "Mindy" that
your aunt approved of, not wanting him to emotionally waste away along with her
physical state. Strain and stress make people do odd things.

your uncle, due to your aunt's death and his age, does face a greater risk of dying
(Ever see the movie "About Schmidt"?) now that he's a widower. Plus, for two
years, he's watched Mortality catch up to someone close to him.

Good luck to you, though.

 

[Freodin]

I still can´t understand your anger. What do you think your Uncle is doing wrong?

 

[Fuzzy]

Here is another twist for ya, its my Aunts, Cousins, daughter...

Yeah, this moves it a little into the wierd....

 

[angryone]

Wrong? I am not the one to judge what he does in wrong or right...however, let me ask you this,do you believe in having morals?

 

[Freodin]

Wrong? I am not the one to judge what he does in wrong or right...however, let me ask you this,do you believe in having morals?

Yes, I do. Do you think your Uncle is doing something immoral?

I have to retract my provious statement: I can imagine several reasons why you are angry. But I fear this anger comes from you, not from anything your Uncle did.

I won´t defend his deeds - I cannot, because I don´t know enough about him or his situation.

But from your description, I can see nothing wrong nor immoral.

He´s older than his girlfriend. That is nothing despisable.
He´s started the affair shortly after his wife´s death. Bad manners, but nothing immoral.
His girlfriend is related to his wife (did I get that correctly?). What is wrong with this? She is not related closely to him, is she?

So I cannot see what he is doing wrong, though I can see how he could have handled the situation better.

But perhaps you should discuss your problems with your Uncle himself, ask him for his feelings, and try to see his position. That might be better for your relationship with him than presenting him with accusations.

 

[Blackmarch]

Get 'em married!

 

[Nathan David]

He is not cheating if his wife is dead. You can't cheat on a dead person.

It does sound like he may have been cheating on her when she was alive, which is despicable, but there's nothing to be done now.

It also sounds like he may be insensitive to other family members' feelings and exercising poor judgement. He may also be having a lot of trouble dealing with the grief of his wife's passing. Or maybe he is not feeling much grief at all, for reasons unknown to you. None of these things are immoral, nor are they any of your business.

 

[AdJesumPerMariam]

Pray for your uncle. Also, go and take him out to lunch/dinner and just talk to him. He & your aunt were married a long time? It's very hard to lose someone you love from cancer.

 

[Emmy]

Dear angryone,you say you love your uncle and ask for prayers for him,am I right in believing you are a Christian?If so,give him and the girl to the Lord,He will judge fairly and direct them.If you really love your uncle,show him that you care and only want his best. It could be that the girl is sincere and will help him over the loss of his wife,if the girl stays around for any other reason,be sure she will be found out,and is then that your uncle will realise who his true friends are. Until then dear,there is nothing you can do.Your uncle is old enough and sane enough to know what he is doing,help him through this unsettling time,and wait how things develop.Sincere greetings from Emmy, a sister in Christ.