Chastity?

[Darling Deedee]

I recently turned 30. I'm pretty happy to be in this stage of life, and am enjoying this transition out of my 20's.
I'm single, never dated, and am - obviously - celibate. I chose chastity as a teenager, but got pretty sick between the ages of 19 and 28 (seizures and bipolar). While I'm well again, I'm in a pickle. I know there's lots of time ahead of me to 'find' a partner/husband but I think its fair to acknowledge that my prime dating years were spent in a haze of medication, highs and lows, and debilitating seizures. So now, at 30, I'm healthy, in University studying Social Work, and am relatively active in general. I'm also wanting to settle down.
I guess the problem is that I'm giving this online dating thing a try and there's some significant pitfalls... the reality is that most men my age are sexually active and its a lot for me to ask them to go from that kind of lifestyle to then match my own - which is... no foolin' around!
I'm hoping someone here has some encouragement 'cause I'm getting to feel kind of discouraged by this. Maybe purity and chastity isn't what I should be doing? Maybe I should be willing to compromise? My spirit tells me that I shouldn't, and I want to honour that, but at the same time... my desire to settle down is equally strong. Intimacy is a big deal, I think we'll all agree on that... I just want it to be done in God's timing.
I'd appreciate your prayers and your thoughts here.
In Christ
-Deedee

 

[akmom]

It sounds like you've been through a lot, and come through it with maturity and a positive outlook. I think your prospects are good. The early thirties is actually a common age for educated people to settle down. Put yourselves in the kinds of environments where you'd want to meet a future spouse (i.e., school, university functions, church, maybe volunteer organizations). Personally I think it's more natural than online dating, but there are Christians on these forums who've had success with it. One of my favorite couples (early 40s now) met on a dating site, even though they were both teachers highly involved in their communities.

I think the key is, not to "settle" in your pursuit to "settle down." A person who wants you to compromise on your standards for purity, and God's standards for purity, probably isn't the kind of husband you'd want anyway. Honestly, I hear from a LOT of singles in their late 20s, early 30s who complain about the same thing as you. The pool of candidates is smaller, but it's not empty.

 

[Ubuntu]

Don't be tempted to think that you're the only one in this situation! The standards of this world are vastly different compared to the standards outlined in the Bible, but believe it or not, there are many people like yourself.

When you date someone and this person doesn't want to wait until marriage with sex, this is a clear warning sign about him. If you make a compromise about this, then he'll have learned that you are willing to make compromises when it comes to things you believe in, and he would probably sooner or later put pressure on you to make yet other concessions.

Good luck, and remember that even people you meet in Christian settings cannot always be trusted about this. Let the word of God light your path, and let his Holy Spirit guide you when it comes to dating and marriage.