Changing churches after a separation?

[momofone]

I went to church this morning, the church my husband and I have been attending since shortly after he first admitted infidelity and wanted to stay and work on things. He was there. We talked for a moment, but it was awkward. He has no intentions of leaving the church, and is being counseled by the pastor. I won't ask him to leave, he needs the counseling, but I don't feel comfortable being there with him anymore. I'm considering looking for another church home. Of course I'm praying about this, but if God leads me elsewhere, then that's where I'll go. Has anyone else changed churches after a separation or divorce? If so, how did it go?

 

[eatenbylocusts]

My ex stopped going to church. After my divorce I have felt like an outsider since most of my church are marrieds. I also had less time to serve because of childcare issues so that put me further out of the loop. Oh, and then there was my job later on that required me to work every other weekend and my church has no evening services.

I attend another church occasionally that now has a singles pastor. He loves the singles and the church is really reaching out to singles. I have developed some friendships there and wanted to leave my old church. I brought my son to the youth group and he didn't want to switch because no one talked to him. So for my son's sake I remained at my old church.

 

[fulltime]

My wife and daughter sit else where when I go to church and I feel like an outsider. My wife has the church believing that she is this great loving person, which really is just a front. She is a nusery supervisior at chuch and has a personal relationship with the pastor and his wife. We also tried to go to marriage and I felt like I was set up on each meeting. I know go to another church were I feel I am not an outsider or being evaluated. I would say got to another church and get involved there. I think that you will feel welcomed there and knowone knows about your laundry. It is hurtful when my wife sits on one side of the isile and I sit on the other. I need to work on controling my own positive emotions, not the negitive. I recieve and the hurtrful comments from her and I go home without a message and upset. I hope that this helps you. God does not care where you go to church just that you are being fed. Goodluck. I will be praying for you.

 

[hope4today]

Hi,

After my husband left I had some church issues as well. He went to a different service than my girls and I did but I still found it difficult being there. We had spent most of our married lives there and there were just too many memories and it felt so odd and sad to be there without him. I realised I was already dealing with enough pain without coping with pain that I could do something about.
I spoke to our pastor's wife to let her know what I was doing and why. She completely understood. My kids didn't want to leave, so I would drive them to church, then go to another church for me, then come back and pick them up. It was difficult, but worth it. I needed to feel safe and peaceful in church.
I have since gone back and feel better but still don't know if that will be permanent.
It worked for me. It is likely you are in enough pain already without bearing any pain you don't have to. I think it is best to do what will most help you heal.
Do you need to consider whether you would miss friends and support there? I was ok with that but it is something to consider.

Finally, I just want to say how much I respect you for you heart of grace and mercy toward your husband, thinking of his needs in God for repentance and growth in Christ. Your father is faithful and he will bless you and look after you.

Blessings as you decide what is best for you in this.

Hope

 

[Autumnleaf]

The church is the body of God's believers. Not necessarily the one sitting next to you on the pew or even the person in front. Find a small group God would have you belong to.

 

[momofone]

Thank you everyone for your input. I'm looking for a new church now. I just can't keep going there, especially after the pastor's wife pulled me aside to tell me that she thinks I should continue to forgive as I have, AND that I should allow my husband to come back. I'm just not ready for that, and from everything I've seen, I am Biblically justified in asking him to leave based on his CONTINUED infidelity.

 

[TealTuesday]

I go,he does not. It's all about where you find your safety net. My church is there for me. It's been a strong unit. He may be changing churches and I hope it goes well. Hope you are blessed in the long run too!!!!

 

[hope4today]

Thank you everyone for your input. I'm looking for a new church now. I just can't keep going there, especially after the pastor's wife pulled me aside to tell me that she thinks I should continue to forgive as I have, AND that I should allow my husband to come back. I'm just not ready for that, and from everything I've seen, I am Biblically justified in asking him to leave based on his CONTINUED infidelity.

I'm sorry you're being told you 'should' be taking him back, with or without continued infidelity. I dont understand this kind of thinking

You are right, there is no biblical grounds to tell you to tell him back. You could 'choose' to take him back IF you felt he was truly repentant and IF you wanted to, but there is NO grounds to tell you, you should be taking him back. Forgive him yes, take him back, no.

I pray you will find a church who will love and support you,

Blessings