caught him with her

[mimi4him]

Last night i went over to husbands apt because i got a credit card bill in mail and it was ridiculous.
He wouldnt answer his phone so that is why I went.
I needed to know if these charges were correct or not.
Anyway he wasnt at apt so I left a note to call.
He called before i got to far from his apt and said he was just fixing to leave and asked what i wanted i told him and he said the charges were correct ( they were 1800. oo in cash advances) I said what did u do with the money he said none of my business. I said well yes it is cuz im liable for the charges , we are still married. He said no im not cuz were separated . Well not the law in Texas.
Anyway he said where are u I said on my way home he said ok . Im not going to be at my apt till right before i go to work so dont come back by . (We live 2o miles apart now) So i had in my gut that he was lying about being at his place since he was so addimit about making sure i was well on my way home. I turned around and went back to his place and there was his truck and a tracker which he said his friend george drove . (another lie) So i got up the courage to go to door I knocked 2 times no answer ( he looks out window ) I then call him no answer knock again nothing so i start to walk away but decided to bang on window he comes out.
pushes me to side and says to go away that he will be over in morning to get paper work needed to file bankruptsy and he was filing for divorce at same time and had appointment in morning.
He calls this morning and no appointment . Said he was sorry i came over and found out , Isaid im not sorry it was what i needed to finally realize its over that he will never change . all he could say last night was dont ruin this for me ( the nerve) Today when we talked he says we need to just stay separated for awhile longer and pay bills like always have that he wil continue to have his ck direct deposit in joint account and that we would set down and fiqure how much he needs to live on and i could have the rest to pay bills . I said no cant trust u . He has missed work more than he has gone since we have been separated in the last 2 months. I said we will divide up the bills decide who gets what in house and the go file for divorce because I dont trust him and he already has a girlfriend and so why stay married . he well we will talk about it when i come over friday to discuss how we slpit the bills fairly. He is not following God that is evident and I know he doesnt want a divorce or he would have already filed himself So what is his problem. He still wants his cake and eat it too.
Im ready finnaly to move on even though I still love him ( why I dont know he has cheated on me for 26 yrs on and off ) I always forgave him he always strightend up for yrs at a time then went back down that road again
HIs sister and our daughter say file that it will give him a reality check and he might come crawling back . But now knowing he has a girlfriend ( the other times were just prostitues and bar flys) I dont know if i can forgive him this time or if i want oo. Im tired of getting hurt.
so Am I doing the right thing moving on and not staying separated like he wants ?
thanks
carol.

 

[okiemommy26]

Looks like from what you say you are doing the right thing by moving on. As many times he has cheated on you and you have gave him all those chances. He does not deserve you. Like you said he wants to have his cake and eat too. You do not have stand back and let him use you like that. That is exactly what he doing. So go and file for that divorce and move on.

 

[InTheFlame]

*hugggggggggggggggg*

I certainly wouldn't tell you you're doing the wrong thing, based on what you've written. A serial adulterer who's currently living with another woman?

I hope you don't keep much money in the joint account?

 

[cjba]

You deserve to have someone who only wants you. It is up to you if you want to try again. But maybe as your sister-in-law and daughter suggested file and maybe he will see what he is truly losing. You have to make sure it is what you really want because you just may end up with it.

My prayers are with you.

God Bless

 

[jessesgirl]

I say file for the divorce and don't give him the option to come crawling back. God has much better in store for you! prayin for ya, sis!

 

[madison1101]

Scripture says that divorce in the case of adultery is ok. File for it, get your own checking account in your name only. Get on your feet financially. Move on.

Speak to a lawyer about his plans to file for bankruptcy. It could hurt you if it is joint.

 

[Sugarjay]

Adultry is grounds for divorce and as caring and undrstand as you have been I think you have suffered enough and given to many chances to someone that didn' deserve them. ! time ok, 2 times, doubt it, more than 2 FORGET IT!!!!

File, move on with your life as God has greater things planned for you!!!

 

[novi12]

Chek my post and don't go for divorce..... God does not wants us to be seperated. The Scripture says what God has bound, man may not seperate it. See how Jesus Suffered for us and was humble can't we suffer for him? God Bless u Just pray for ur hubby the devine Mercy prayer. Fight with the Satan who is on ur husband by prayign for ur hubby.

 

[KJVisTruth]

No one deserves to be treated like this. File and move on, there definitely are better men out there. Have faith.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Watch and wait. Get to know his girlfriends and go shopping with them. Run up the credit card with them. Beat him at his own game.

 

[mimi4him]

thanks all for the support ,
I have my own checking account I did that before he even moved out. We sat down today and agreed on the bill paying and he got most of the debt to pay . He still wants to keep joint account so that i can pay the bills . I agreed only because I will know for sure they are getting paid . I will pay all electronically too (so there is no chance of insuffiencient funds) He has ran up over $7,000 in new credit card debt ( he opened these accounts after he moved out ) I asked him what he was buying ( a lot cash advances) He said none of my business. I said yes it is we are still married and u are ruining my credit too. UUURRGGG!!!! I told him I refuse to split those bills and he said well Im not going to have much left out of my check if i have to pay all this . I said sorry but im paying for the house and insurance and upkeep so deal with it . He then said lets try this way for a month and if its not working we will need to change it . I said ok that way we will see its what we both can handle and then I can file so it will cost less since we have it all worked out and agree on it . He then said no need to file if we are working it out on our own . So he still wants the door left open ? Is this what he is saying ? Whatever! I dont think I could let him come back now unless God did a big change in me . My Gosh he has a girlfriend that stays over .
He wouldnt even look me in the face today he kept his head down most of the time.
I know its the devil having his way with him but he is letting him .
anyway just wanted to give everyone a up date and say thanks
blessings
carol

 

[okiemommy26]

Yes he wants the door left open and you not to file so he doesn't have to pay for his stuff. He wants to be able to keep changing it on you. He probably will keep saying I can't afford this we need to do this. He will never let you file. You will just have to file. I would I would not even pay for any of it but I understand what you are doing.

 

[GodsGrace87]

So God teaches us to be spiteful and vindictive AL?

Watch and wait. Get to know his girlfriends and go shopping with them. Run up the credit card with them. Beat him at his own game.

Sweetie..the only true peace you can have over this is to bring it before your God and ask him to show you what HE would have you to do. Tell him to make it VERY clear so that you cannot step outside of his will.

It is so easy for us to sit back and say things like "ditch that loser" but Gods ways are not our ways and his thoughts are not our thoughts. Only God knows your husbands heart and only God knows if he will heal your marriage and your husband. Such a decision as divorce should ALWAYS be God lead. Seek him out. He will lead you and give you a peace over what you should do. Until you have clear direction from God you should wait and pray. Submit yourself to God and turn your husband and your marriage over to HIS control.

 

[Autumnleaf]

So God teaches us to be spiteful and vindictive AL?

I prefer to view it as making lemonade out of lemons. There's nothing spiteful or vindictive about shopping and making friends. Jesus actually said to be kind to your enemies.

 

[GodsGrace87]

I prefer to view it as making lemonade out of lemons. There's nothing spiteful or vindictive about shopping and making friends. Jesus actually said to be kind to your enemies.

So how is spitefully running up his credit card kind to him?

 

[mimi4him]

So how is spitefully running up his credit card kind to him?

ok ladies , First off God is the one in charge of revenge , And plus it would only get me in more debt if i charged up the credit cards . And I have no desire to be friends with any one that is sleeping with him.
I just wnat peace and joy . If He is not going to come back and get right with God so we can have the marriage God intends for us to have then I want God to please take all my feelings away and help me move on and hopefully find the one Im supposed to spend the rest of my life with serving HIM.
Im tired of acting like there is nothing wrong everyday at work , Im tired of hoping for something that might not ever take place . Please pray that God will give me peace thru this storm no matter what the outcome.
thanks so much
many blessings
carol

 

[madison1101]

I prefer to view it as making lemonade out of lemons. There's nothing spiteful or vindictive about shopping and making friends. Jesus actually said to be kind to your enemies.

Your replies continue to not show any of the Holy Spirit's fruit. This is a spiteful idea, and as Mimi said, she is the one paying the credit card bills, so how does that help her?

Autumnleaf, have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal saviour? Do you know what it means to have a personal relationship with God through Christ? Have you spent much time in the Word of God, learning what God requires of His children?

Mimi, you stand firm. Your husband is not behaving in a mature, responsible way if he is running up the credit cards and then expecting you to pay for them, while he sleeps with his girlfriend. File for the divorce and get him and his financial nightmare and adulterous behavior out of your life.

 

[msbojingles]

A very good friend of mine went through something VERY, VERY similar. She is a pastor of a church, so divorce was not something that really even looked like an option.

Her husband was having an affair, and it was going on for quite some time before she found out, and then she ended up pregnant (by her husband) while he was having the affair! It came out when she was like, two months pregnant. Her husband moved out and was living with this other woman for FOUR years before she finally came to her senses, and realized the time had come that she would have to divorce, and believe that God would restore the marriage from there - which He is able! And on the other hand, she also had to accept that by not divorcing her husband, she was enabling him to continue in his lifestyle, and putting herself on the hurting end, meanwhile he had few consequences for his actions, while the debt was piling and piling and piling.

And the odd thing was, her husband was the one who filed for the divorce, but then he wouldn't sign the papers!

I pray God will give you the wisdom to do what needs to be done in this situation, and the courage and strength to do it.

 

[mimi4him]

A very good friend of mine went through something VERY, VERY similar. She is a pastor of a church, so divorce was not something that really even looked like an option.

Her husband was having an affair, and it was going on for quite some time before she found out, and then she ended up pregnant (by her husband) while he was having the affair! It came out when she was like, two months pregnant. Her husband moved out and was living with this other woman for FOUR years before she finally came to her senses, and realized the time had come that she would have to divorce, and believe that God would restore the marriage from there - which He is able! And on the other hand, she also had to accept that by not divorcing her husband, she was enabling him to continue in his lifestyle, and putting herself on the hurting end, meanwhile he had few consequences for his actions, while the debt was piling and piling and piling.

And the odd thing was, her husband was the one who filed for the divorce, but then he wouldn't sign the papers!

I pray God will give you the wisdom to do what needs to be done in this situation, and the courage and strength to do it.

I am going to file for divorce at end of this month . Im waiting till then because I will be without medical insurance since Im self employed ,So I am going to get a checkup to make sure everything is ok health wise with me. I have a doctors appointment the 10th ( next tuesday). Ive been told it might be just what he needs to wake up. If that happens then I will be the one needing time to think and see it I want him back . He is so caught up in the world and listening to the wrong voice . I still pray for his salvation ,I wouldnt want any one to go to hell. God is going to have to do a mighty work in both of us if this marriage is supposed to continue . Which I know he can ( ironically that is why i have stayed in this marriage for almost 27 yrs . I always believed God would set him free of this women addition . But I now realize for the first time that he has to really want to change for that to happen and him be able to have fellowship with Christ. Untill he returns to God our marriage will never be any better .
God is in charge and I know He has never let anything happen in this marriage that I have not learned from and grown closer to HIM. I have a BIG FAITH and TRUST in my Savior , I just need to learn how better to get out of the way when HE is working
blessings to all
Carol

 

[msbojingles]

I'm sorry all this is happening to your family .

It just shows how ugly sin really is. I know it's hard to watch someone you love make such terrible choices, and know that they are not right with God, and how far deception can take people if it's not dealt with at the root. May the Lord wrap His arms around you in this time.

God bless you!