Can't wait - Courting for too long?

[Rols]

I am new around here, but I was wondering if any of you married or engaged couples can advice me. I have been with my boyfriend now for about 3 years in a loving Christian and exciting relationship. I know he is really committed and so I am. We have obeyed God's word, and are saving sex for the marital bed. This was never going to be an issue anyway, but lately it's been getting much harder, because the more you spend time with the one you love, the more your affections and physical attraction increases. I have come to point where I think i really want to get married, not only because I love him, but also it is becoming more of a challenge keeping my hands of him. In our relationship though we only peck, hold hands or hug, nothing more. But the physical aspect is actually only a minor issue. One thing I love about us is that, what keeps us together is not physical, there just a pure love and committment between the two of us.[/FONT]

He'll be 30 soon, and I am 23, but things just seem to going real slow, and I know God keeps speaking to me about patience and waiting for him to make all things beautiful at the right time. Every special occassion, e.g Christmas, new year, birthdays or romantic dinners, I keep thinking he is going to propose but it hasn't happened, and even when i see married couples or engaged couples I really begin to feel a little envious because I want to be married with a family of my own etc. Any advice out there, it's not just a question of sex. But I have this burning desire within me to get married. I would never dream of proposing to him, I think it's the man's job (personally speaking). Am I just obsessed with marriage? I don't necessary have idealist notions of marriage, but I think if one obeys God's word it will be a joyous journey. I don't want to speak to him about it, because I know sometimes men get shaky when you mention the 'M' word, but he also told me that at the start that he wouldn't go into a relationship with someone he can't see himself marrying.

I think 3 years is a long time for a courtship though! Opinions and advice most welcome

 

[DaveKerwin]

I think three years is PLENTY of time. Tell him how you feel, that is my advice. Be honest. If he cannot handle a discussion about marriage, then he needs to put on some big boy underwear and grow up. Just bring it up to him, see what he says.

 

[LadyBird]

I pm'ed you.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

After three years, I would hope things have been moving in the direction of marriage. Do you discuss it often? How does he react when the subject comes up?
Granted, it's not good to try and pressure anyone into marriage, Cause you could end up in a marriage made for the sake of appeasement.
But he needs to get down to business.

 

[SirKenin]

Why does there have to be a set time frame for a courting? There doesn't have to be. For some, three years of courting is fine, for others six years is just perfect. To put a time limit on it is crazy. Some are ready sooner than others. My parents engaged in nine weeks and have been married for over 30 years now.

Also, proposing is not the man's job. That's chauvenist. It can be either the man or the woman. Some men prefer the woman asks, as they don't feel comfortable doing it themselves, or they are afraid of rejection.

Why not ask him? Get down on one knee, tell him you love him deeply and ask him if he will marry you.

What's the worst that's going to happen?

 

[DaveKerwin]

I would feel like the world's biggest loser if I was not man enough to ask that question myself. Just talk to him about it, he can be a big boy and discuss it with you.

 

[SirKenin]

I would feel like the world's biggest loser if I was not man enough to ask that question myself. Just talk to him about it, he can be a big boy and discuss it with you.

And I would be flattered if my lady loved me THAT much that she was willing to throw ancient conventional thinking and customs to the wind and get down on one knee for me. That would simply blow me away.

 

[DaveKerwin]

would it also blow you away if she persued you and protected you and was the head of your home?

 

[SirKenin]

would it also blow you away if she persued you and protected you and was the head of your home?

Give me a break. The two concepts, yours and mine, aren't even remotely related... That's priceless.

Let me guess. You think man's the boss too, right? You're going to provide me more Bible Bullets for that? Big strong man and weak little woman. haha

 

[Mrs K 2004]

I dated my fiance for 7 years before we got engaged! (Of course I was VERY young when we started dating! And we did break up after he graduated from high school for awhile!)

Do you guys talk about marriage alot? My fiance and I talked about it constantly! He was planning a proposal for Christmas; but I wanted to get married in June... so I proposed to him

I would let him know how much marriage means to you, and if he is not ready or willing; and you want it that badly; then you should either propose... or possibly ultimately move on.

 

[SirKenin]

Right on!!! You proposed to him? Cool. How did he take it? Did it go over like a pork chop at a Jewish wedding? Or did he embrace the concept with open arms?

 

[Rols]

OK OK, it's all good, I personally don't think I am the kind to propose to a guy. My reply is taking so long cos I am in Brussels, Belgium, so when you guys are sleeping I am awake and vice versa.

Anyway I agree that there is no time limit on courting, but I think next time I see him I may sum up the courage and raise the issue you know. I do really love him and on the whoel physical aspect, didn't Paul in bible say it is better to marry than to burn with passion?undefined

 

[DaveKerwin]

Give me a break. The two concepts, yours and mine, aren't even remotely related... That's priceless.

Let me guess. You think man's the boss too, right? You're going to provide me more Bible Bullets for that? Big strong man and weak little woman. haha

I believe it is the man's role to persue a woman, not to be persued by a woman. To me, getting engaged is the ultimate persual (sp?), and for a woman to propose to me, I would feel like she was communicating to me that I am not man enough to step up and do it myself. Personally, I would have been offended. I am pleased to have found a woman who deeply respects me, and in return, I deeply cherish her. I proposed to her probably six months before she would have even thought I would. I believe that the batton of the relationship is in my hand, and I hold the responsibility for the location that we end up at. Of course she holds my other hand and can yank me if she wants

I do not think the man is the "boss", I do think, however, that he is the head of the house. I will make decisions with my wife, not by myself. I value her opinion very much, and she brings a perspective that I sometimes never even consider, so we make a great team. She trusts me completely, and she knows that I would not make a decision that would harm her or do wrong, so she is happy to give me the batton. I will provide and care for her, as a man, because that is what I am supposed to do. The whole proposal issue is circumstancial I guess, but when I hear of a guy that got proposed to, I can't help but wonder why he gave the batton to the woman to lead their future. That would set a precedent that might not be good to follow.

To get back on topic, I think three years is plenty. I knew after two months that I would marry the woman I am engaged to, but I realize that not everyone works that quickly. But three years.... shoot... you really ought to know by then, and why wait longer? It only makes the frustration of sexual temptation worse, and the longing to be together gets worse.

 

[DaveKerwin]

I think next time I see him I may sum up the courage and raise the issue you know. I do really love him and on the whoel physical aspect, didn't Paul in bible say it is better to marry than to burn with passion?undefined

Be strong and courageous! Bring it up to him!

Paul did say it is better to marry then to burn with desire.

 

[SirKenin]

Be strong and courageous! Bring it up to him!

Paul did say it is better to marry then to burn with desire.

Dave... DAVE!!! That is severely taken out of context man. Severely.

Also, I have to address your issue of the head of the house. I use to think the same way you did, until I talked to my father (he has an M.Div. (Masters of Divinity)) and looked into it closer myself.

In fact, the man of the house does not give you any baton, any rights, nor any powers. It actually heaps far more responsibility on your head. You are required to ensure the happiness of the household. It is a position of love and servitude friend. Just as Christ served the church. If that means you concede to your lady (there are qualifications to this of course), so be it. That's the way it works.

I know what verse you're taking out of context. I'm sure of it. Ephesians 5:23

"For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior."

However, we need to go back a couple of verses to see the accurate picture. See Ephesians 5:21.

"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ".

Also, in Galatians 3:28 “There is no longer Jew or Greek, there is no longer slave or free, there is no longer male and female; for all of you are one in Christ Jesus.”

There is no baton in the hands of the man or woman. Sorry. In reality, God is the head of any Christian household. Therefore, there is nothing wrong with a woman proposing to a man. A woman is an equal. The relationship is 100:100.

 

[SirKenin]

I guess what I'm saying is that Paul wasn't a champion for sexism. Paul wasn't a champion for "I'm the head of this house". He eradicated that notion by placing the husband in a position of servitude.

No. Paul was a champion for sexual equality and the preservation of marriage. You won't win any points with your lady if you present her with the "baton" argument. I should know. I walked that path.. It doesn't work.

 

[Dawn Marie]

I would feel like the world's biggest loser if I was not man enough to ask that question myself. Just talk to him about it, he can be a big boy and discuss it with you.

Who said proposing was supposed to be a 'manly' thing?

 

[DaveKerwin]

Dave... DAVE!!! That is severely taken out of context man. Severely.

Also, I have to address your issue of the head of the house. I use to think the same way you did, until I talked to my father (he has an M.Div. (Masters of Divinity)) and looked into it closer myself.

In fact, the man of the house does not give you any baton, any rights, nor any powers. It actually heaps far more responsibility on your head. You are required to ensure the happiness of the household. It is a position of love and servitude friend. Just as Christ served the church. If that means you concede to your lady (there are qualifications to this of course), so be it. That's the way it works.

I know what verse you're taking out of context. I'm sure of it. Ephesians 5:23

"For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior."

However, we need to go back a couple of verses to see the accurate picture. See Ephesians 5:21.

"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ".

Also, in Galatians 3:28 “There is no longer Jew or Greek, there is no longer slave or free, there is no longer male and female; for all of you are one in Christ Jesus.”

There is no baton in the hands of the man or woman. Sorry. In reality, God is the head of any Christian household. Therefore, there is nothing wrong with a woman proposing to a man. A woman is an equal. The relationship is 100:100.

A masters of divinity does not guarantee a sound mind. But anyways...

I know those verses in the Bible, and I agree with them. I serve my fiancee already, you can ask her yourself if you want her screen name. You are right, Jesus did come as a servant, and that IS how he loved the Churhc, and that IS how I am to love my wife. But beyond that, you can ask her if she is comfortable with me holding the batton. She will say yes. Why? Because she trusts me and my decision making abilities. God made Eve as a helper to Adam. She reflects God because God is a helper to us, his people. Right? I highly regard women, trust me. But at the same time, I do not elevate them too high just because our society is constantly pushing that. There are MAJOR differences in the gender, and I will NOT allow a gender blurr in my life or in my household. A man is a man, and a woman is a woman. God made them differently to show his image in different ways. That is why we get married, to have a full representation of the image of God, both sides, together, one flesh.


BTW, your galatians verse does NOT tell us that there is not difference between male and females, if anything, THAT is a gross misinterpretation. Men and women are not the same. I believe that men and women are equal in terms of value and worth, but not in terms of roles. Men and women were made differently for different purposes, with different roles.

Like I said before, if you are a woman and you want to propose, be preparred to wear the pants for the rest of your marriage. Your man will give his pants away as quickly as he gave his leadership away.

 

[DaveKerwin]

You won't win any points with your lady if you present her with the "baton" argument. I should know. I walked that path.. It doesn't work.

Marlena loves me BECAUSE I fullfill that role in her life. Honest to God man, she tells me all the time how much she loves that I protect her and am there to support her. No lie. There goes your theory. Just because you could not get it to work for you, does not mean other men cannot. I practice it currently, and she loves me for it.

 

[Warrior Poet]

A masters of divinity does not guarantee a sound mind. But anyways...

I know those verses in the Bible, and I agree with them. I serve my fiancee already, you can ask her yourself if you want her screen name. You are right, Jesus did come as a servant, and that IS how he loved the Churhc, and that IS how I am to love my wife. But beyond that, you can ask her if she is comfortable with me holding the batton. She will say yes. Why? Because she trusts me and my decision making abilities. God made Eve as a helper to Adam. She reflects God because God is a helper to us, his people. Right? I highly regard women, trust me. But at the same time, I do not elevate them too high just because our society is constantly pushing that. There are MAJOR differences in the gender, and I will NOT allow a gender blurr in my life or in my household. A man is a man, and a woman is a woman. God made them differently to show his image in different ways. That is why we get married, to have a full representation of the image of God, both sides, together, one flesh.


BTW, your galatians verse does NOT tell us that there is not difference between male and females, if anything, THAT is a gross misinterpretation. Men and women are not the same. I believe that men and women are equal in terms of value and worth, but not in terms of roles. Men and women were made differently for different purposes, with different roles.

Like I said before, if you are a woman and you want to propose, be preparred to wear the pants for the rest of your marriage. Your man will give his pants away as quickly as he gave his leadership away.

Strogly disagree with everything except the last sentance in the first paragraph.

Warrior Poet