Can't trust people

[Generalen]

Hey people!

My name is Anton and I am new to this forum and I'm glad that Ive found this forum. I am from Sweden, so I apologize if my text contains grammar- and spelling errors!

I dont normally like "cry out"-threads, were you beg for help. But I have realised that my life is to negative, and it is a too big burden to bare. I'm not suicidal, just tired of feeling this way and I hope to get some help and input on my problems, from you guys.

I can not trust people, at all. In fact, I dont like people. I respect my next ones, but I rather not socialise with them too much. Because they tend to betray me and cause problems.

Im not gonna write my whole life story, because people would probably find it very sad and I dont want to make anyone sad or feel sorry for me. But I have to explain why I feel the way I do:

I have had three girls in my life, wich I thought them all were the love of my life. Esp. my last one, that I spent two years together with. Two of them cheated me and my latest girlfriend, the one I was planning on starting a family with - lied about her whole life. At first she lied about her family history, her age, about earlier addictions etc. etc. Everything you can think of. She even told me the goverment have taken four of her children and she used to cry in my arms over it. Nothing was true.

My family have always been a chaos family, with loads of arguments and screaming. The only thing I remember from my early days is my parents screaming at each other, talking behind each others backs to me and so on. Eventually they divorced.

I have had four jobs, my bosses have treated all the employes very bad and my last boss even tried to steal 2.000 US dollars from me.

My best friends through life, have after a while backstabbed me. Flirting with my girlfriend, talking behind my back and one even tried to fight me - until I started swinging on him and he backed down. Then he started talking behind my back and all of my friends turned their backs on me. It didnt matter that I lost them as friends, but it matter that the people I trusted did it. The betreyal.

So to summer everything - all the people that I have kept close to me, have backstabbed me. Apart from my mother. My mother have always stayed by my side.

My question is: do other people feel like this? Do you believe that your friends eventually will become your enemy and that in this society, people will rip your heart out as quick as they can earn something from it, with egoistic intentions.

Note that I am just one normal guy, apart from having some problems with violence and vodka. I have never been a criminal, I dont talk behind peoples backs, I dont act like if Im better than anyone or anything and I have no problems getting friends or women. Even though I dont sleep around, Im just looking for the love of my life.

I hope someone can drop som knowledge bombs on me, so that I can start thinking more positive.

Thank you and Im sorry for the wall of text!


/Generalen

 

[Drax]

Oh wow. I know exactly what you mean.

I went through a season of life where it seemed like the whole world was against me. At work, I was surrounded by dishonest people who would lie and gossip to get ahead. At school, there were backstabbers and cheaters and some of the most immoral people I had ever seen. My girlfriend - the one that I intended to marry - abandoned Christianity and got into all kinds of sin. Today, she laughs at me for being Christian and for being single. Like you, it seemed as if I could not trust anyone. How could I? I had a few friends who stood by me, but sometimes it seemed that only our Lord remained with me.

It can take a long time to overcome the pain and the frustration. But I'll tell you this: even if we are faithless, or if everything around us is in ruins, Christ is still faithful. I don't want to give some weak answer, so I'll tell you the truth: it can be really, really difficult at times like this. God is the only one who is fully honest and worthy of trust. When I called out to the Lord, I knew that He was with me. Perhaps He is toughening you or preparing you for something. Several years after my hardest times ended, I discovered that he was toughening me for my current life and ministry. He is with you through it all, and I firmly believe that he will send you friends and Christian sisters & brothers who are trustworthy. I will pray for you.

 

[Sarrapin]

I'm sorry to hear about what has happened to you. I would have trouble trusting people too after that. Have you tried meeting some other youth at church? If anyone is going to be decent to you, it should be those at church. Still, I wouldn't share anything person until you know them more and how they feel about you. As you can see from Drax' post, not everyone is against you.

I like the quote from William Shakespeare, who said: "Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none."

Personally, I don't presume that everyone will betray me or intends my harm. I give everyone a basic degree of trust necessary for social interaction. For example, if I ask for directions I would trust that someone would point me in the right direction, that people obey the road rules, and so on. A few of my border-line friends/associates I might trust a bit more, but I wouldn't tell them anything personal beyond my age, basic details regarding my family (e.g. I have one sister), what I like to do, and so on.

People can break that trust. For example, one of my friends from school lied about owning a "Mitsubishi WRX" (obviously, as Subaru is the manufacturer of the WRX) and so I have never told him anything personal to me. I do not confide at all in him as because he has a history of lying to me my trust level is minimial. When people lie to me or hurt me they loose my trust and must work hard on earning it back.

I only have one true friend with whom I can confide in and tell him most of what bothers me. It took a long time (at least five years if not more) before I felt that I could trust him to that degree. Apart from my mum and grandfather, he is the only other one that I can tell almost everything to.

I would give people the benefit of the doubt and be kind to them. For isntance, if the shop attendant asks "How are you?" I would reply with more than just "good" followed by silence. Something like, "Not too bad thanks, and yourself? Has it been busy for you?" I think that if you make a little effort and show people goodwill and kindness that most may surprise you in how they treat you. If they are cruel to you then that says more about them as people than you. There are some people who are just plain jerks, but I think they're the minority. The real challenge is being able to spot them out.

I really do hope that God leads you to that special person that he has planned for you.


As an aside, chances are that if you keep thinking negative about how people will treat you then it may become a self-fulfilling prophecy. You may unknowningly act in a way that causes people to treat you in a way that you don't like (for example, you may frown constantly or exhume indifference), or people may pick up on how you expect them to treat you and hence will treat you that way. Pray that God will change your heart and to see people through his eyes. It's sort of where I'm at right now.