can't take it anymore

[mariah22]

I can't. Can't is the worst thing to say,I know and now after saying it for so many years every single day to myself I guess I believe it. I try to fake it most times,put on a huge smile,get all dressed up and look beautiful on the outside,walk with confidence,I have people fooled I really do because they will tell me how confident I look and how they think I am a strong person. I am having a hard time beating this though. People in my shoes would think that I have so much to be happy about and I do but I just can't make myself be happy. I have a boyfriend who cares for me so much and does everything for me,I have a beautiful 8 month old baby girl,I live in a beautiful house,I am healthy,I am good looking on the outside(to other people not to me) but I suffer. I wake up and fall right into depression's hands,sun is shinning and that makes me mad I wish it would rain,I am so mad that I woke up,I have no desire to do anything. Today I woke up and my girlfriend asked me to go to the beach because it's so nice out and that was the last thing I wanted to do,no way do I want to go to the beach where there is people and music and sunshine,nope,NO WAY. I'm starting to think i can't take this anymore,everyday I am waking up sad doing the same thing,sitting in my pajamas,not going out,not taking care of myself,not being able to take care of my own daughter. I can't do this anymore,this has to end...

 

[tiredmom]

Mariah, I do know what you are saying, how it feels. I only have a minute on here, but i'll pray for you, kiddo, and you take as best care as you can of that sweet baby AND yourself, ok? Even if it's the bare minimum you can do, do it!
Love & blessings to you,
Laurie

 

[appointed]

Sorry if I made you feel this way from my post. But, I would like to offer you a piece of what God told me this morning. Mariah, we don't belong here. I have wasted so much time trying to be happy in this world, from other people (girls), from money, from getting nice new things, even from lust, and it does have to stop.
I have so many times based my hopes and dreams on what others have said to me, or what I have said to myself. I personally am so sick of getting up every morning and waiting to go to sleep again. God has called us to be self-controlled and alert. I'll come out and say it, I am one of the least alert people on the face of the earth. With my gloomy outlook and my lack of sleep, nothing seems to be real anymore. I'm sick of living in hell on earth and in complete bondage and frustration.
God IS real.
He is our God as Christians.
We do not live in a world abandoned.
God is in control of our lives, our hopes, our dreams.
If my relationships end, I still have God.
If the world crumbles beneath me and all I have ever wanted is dead, I still have God.
When the sun is not shining and the clouds seem to be stuck over my very being, God is not far away.
God, that is simply and utterly the answer to all of our problems.
He has promised to never leave us nor forsake us,
He has promised to take all of our cares,
He is our hope,
Our next breath,
He is all of our reasons when we have none left.
He will not forsake his faithful ones, if you seek after God, Mariah, He will not leave you.
Go to the beach. I'm praying for you.

 

[bennyk]

I too am depressed Mariah, except I personally think I really do not have as much to be thankful about as you do. You sound like you have a perfect life. I know this is not what you want to hear because to you it seems awful. However, I have been suicidal for the past month, and only tonight have my thoughts changed. Trust me, it may be hidden to you, but God is teaching you something. Just turn to God, pray to God and listen to everything God tells you. Eventually something will click and you will realize that you can devote your life to God and that will bring you happiness. If you cannot overcome your depression, devote your life to making other people happy, and helping other people. I know this may not make you happy, but if you are going to be sad either way it is better to spread happiness than to shut yourself up in your house. This is not coming from someone who is happy either Mariah, I am someone who was/is very depressed and suicidal and has it worse than you. However, I have recently decided to devote my life to God, and to helping other people, whether or not it makes me happy. You should do the same. Please respond to let me know what you think.

 

[berry2000]

Dear Mariah

I don't know you yet but sounds like serious depression to me. Have you considered/or are you taking antidepressants. It might give you the boost you need. I know what it's like to wake up every morning just to wish you hadn't. And then to drag through the day like you're walking in molasses. There is a way out. Never forget there is hope.

Lord, please help my new friend find the joy you speak of in the Word. Help her not to feel guilty for her current feelings, knowing that they could be chemically based.

Praying for you.

 

[mariah22]

Thank you all for responding with your kind words and advice. I'm feeling better today. I made myself eat healthy and I made myself take my daughter out grocery shopping and than we all went for a walk. I'm really trying here,some days are better than others. I'm just going to have to pull through the best I can. Thanks again to everyone and I hope you are all feeling better.

 

[berry2000]

oh that's good news mariah