Can't Stop thinking about her

[superdave]

I have a little problem.

This girl that I really like, And I have posted about her before- well she's in high school- she's a senior, and she's really awesome- she's like all I have wanted in a wife- She is TOTALLY on fire for God, She sings like an angel-has a passion for worship like I do, she's a knock out, anyway... Needless to say, she has to be the greatest girl I have ever met- I am amazed by her big time. I mean all these little high school crushes I have, past girlfriends, Are like NOTHING compared to this one. I met her the first time, and I felt like I could be with her-- and the more I learn, the more I like more and more.

A group of people were at her house last weekend- and we were all complementing each other- well she told me she loved me, and that I had a wonderful sense of humor, and I knew my music. I told her that she had the most beautiful voice, and she was the most beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on- she smiled, and man-- it was like I was dumbfounded...my head was spinning- I felt, like I wanted to tell her how much I wanted her. BUT...

My Pastor- and my Father in the Lord, has told me not to move on to her- for 4 months. And... I respect that, I respect his authority- and I trust him in what he tells me.

God also told me if I respected what My Pastor told me, and I kept working on myself- that he would bless me abudantly- he did not say I would get her- but at this point I don't know.

Really... right now- I shouldn't worry about it-- there is nothing there- except for now she knows that I think she's really beautiful. So there is a little bit of an emotional connection. Also she's on a "boy fast" and is REALLY ANTI- DATING- Big time! So I don't know how to approach that...

Also another obstacle, is she's on my worship team- well we sing together- We sound wonderful together- and we have a unity that's unbelivable- when we sing harmonies right- I don't want relationship junk to get in the way of what the Spirit wants to do.

Well, the main problem is this- I agree with God, I am staying in this place of contentment of getting the word inside me... but... I can't get her out of my mind- I can be thinking of anything- Cereal, Dogs, The Sky, Homework, Church, Music- ANYTHING- goes back to her!!!!-- this is not helping me...

Anyway that's it,
Dave

 

[fishstix]

So, let me get this straight.

-Your pastor told you not to date her yet
-God told you to listen to your pastor
-The girl is not interested in dating anyone now
-You don't want anything getting in the way of your music ministry

Sounds like the best idea is to just be friends with her for now. If you did try to make a move and start dating her, she'd either turn you down or have to break her "boy fast" which would likely not be good for her. Either way, it doesn't sound like it would do anything good for your relationship with her. So just be friends with her for now, regardless of whether she's always on your mind or not.

 

[renaistre]

It's interesting, it almost sounds like you're describing me! In my case things haven't moved as quickly as it sounds like they're moving for you, and I haven't really talked to anyone about it much yet, but the feelings I'm having are so strong it's almost scary In a way I hate it, because I'm a mathematical kind of guy, and feelings are not mathematical

It's sooo hard, but I'm just trying to wait for God's timing, and I'm trying to enjoy the moment for what it is. I have known this girl for probably 3 years, and these feelings started probably 2 years ago, and I'm really glad I've taken things slowly so far. I've learned a lot even in the last few months that I'm glad I've learned before persuing any deeper relationship. But of course, eventually (and probably soon) I will need to make a decision one way or an other whether to "make a move", and then things will start to speed up.

Encouraging you to be patient is probably like encouraging a hippo to fly, but it's probably the best advice I can give you

- Evan

 

[Lilly of the Valley]

I think it's best if you stay friends with her. If it's the Lord's will for anything to happen, it will happen in His time, not yours. If you are having trouble thinking about this girl, try filling your mind with the word and ask the Lord to help you not think about her so much. If you aren't careful and think on her too much, she could take the place of God and be most important.

 

[catch22]

Gee....It's like looking in the mirror....only...not. I've been there man. I'm there right now. Here's my words of wisdom. Take it slllllooooooowwwww. I wish someone had told me that way back when in October. When two people are hoplessly atrracted to each other, they form emotional bonds sometimes prematurely and then, you might find yourself tortured by where you went wrong down the line.

"Let each time have it's season and let the seasons change as God unfurls our lives before us."
-Me

 

[superdave]

Yeah- I know the answer is to stay where I am at. And my roomate keeps on telling me, "Dave your talking about her again..." or "Dave don't compromise her values." And the truth of the matter is- No matter how much I'd like to date her, and for her to be my g/f and possibly my wife- I NEVER want to compromise what she feels is right. A lot of people don't believe me- but that's true. To tell you the truth I like her a lot for her values and saving herself. I am the same way... And that's the thing- I don't honestly know that's she's gonna be the one-God hasn't revealed that. I want to believe that, but I am not setting myself up for that- or dissapointment... My issue is simply what I stated- I cannot get her out of my head- I mean really I have it bad. I read the word, and do spend time with God--and God is definitely the center of my life... Its just really hard- because she's made a big impact on me.

 

[Koop]

OK i hear ya. It seems that the point is how to get her off your mind, not what to do. Been there. And it's tough. Controlling our thoughts imo is the hardest thing for us. Philipians 4: 6-8 helped me a lot when i delt with something similar. Whenever you find youreslf thinking about her PRAY! Turn the trouble into something helpful. Just like when fasting, if you start to feel hungry you remember why your fasting and pray! Whever you start to think about her and notice it PRAY! Yes it's hard, but practice does make perfect. You can get good at this and it gets a lot easier. I"ll be praying for your struggle. Lastly, don't fret too much, A.) women arn't worth it. B.)God will provide everything you need. C.)read warior poets thread to be found here.... http://www.christianforums.com/t82145 It's how many of us "anti-daters" feel. God bless you brother.

 

[superdave]

Thanks-- I might be blind right now...but If she ain't it- well theres gotta' be a super woman out there for me... thanks. I will keep praying... that's all I can do.

 

[catch22]

There's a great book that I'm reading that I'd really recommend. It's called "Boy meets Girl" Check it out. You might find some good stuff in there.

 

[superdave]

I wanted to read that! I am going to get it

 

[Koop]

another great book is every young mans battle. I'd give that a read too.

 

[catch22]

With my situation, I just realized that I have to turn it over to God. If it's in his will, it will happen. I can totally relate to finding someone who seems totally perfect. It took me nearly two months to realize that I had her so high on my list of priorities that she was even coming before God. i made an idol of her, and I do regret it, but I've since changed. Basically, now I'm all about dicovering more about myself as a single Christian so i can be more effective when I'm back in a relationship again. i mean it kind of seems funny, but at Twenty yers old, what do I really have to offer any girl? Not much. Affection, yes. kindness, yes. Even love, yes. But Is it right to have that kind of relationship unless you're actually seeking something more long term(I was and am, but keep reading)? And if that is the case, you have to ask yourself, are you preparred personally and do you have the resources to commit to a long term....life long relationship at this point. I didn't so now I'm reevaluating everything and preparring myself to be the man that I need to be to get to that point. when I am ready, or at least on the eve of readynes, thats when I'll begin to pursue raelationships again. For now, I'm going to learn to serve God as best as I can personally. When he's ready for me to be in a relationship again, he will let me know.

 

[Deacon]

This is what is getting me "My Pastor- and my Father in the Lord"....are you Catholic, because I have never heard of a Non Denominational person call their pastor my Father in the Lord....that sounds fishy to me.....but anyways, if she isn't wanting to date respect her wishes.

 

[Living4Him03]

You sure you are listening to God and not your pastor or your fear of rejection? Seems like you are a bit worried about her not wanting to date you if you shared how you feel. I'd say build a friendship with her and let her know that you want to get to know her to see if dating might be in the future for the two of you. She probably already knows by now how you feel. It looks like, without knowing the whole story, that God has been leading you thus far, so focus on Him and get to know her more. But, make it clear that you have romantic feelings towards her and that you are interested in more than friendship, because acting as though you just want a friendship without the feelings is really lying to her and leading her on. IMO that would not be honoring God or her. I think you did a great job giving her such a compliment and letting her know she is special That was very sweet! Wait on God and see what happens. God bless!

 

[GotJesusYo]

I have recently been a situation that, while not just like yours, is similar. Not only is your pastors advice good, but you should desire to take your time to build a strong friendship with this girl. In building that friendship you can do so many things right from the start...things that can carry over into a relationship (if that comes to pass). Use the friendship time to encourage her in her walk, its never to early to start pointing even a friendship in the direction of Jesus. I could go on and on, but i can promise this, if you build a strong friendship now there will be less struggles later.

 

[superdave]

To answer the question about me being a Catholic- I am not a Catholic. To get way off subject here- I have authority over me- and I call my Pastor, my Father in the Lord- because he is spiritually fathering me right now.

Anyway, I did read "Boy Meets Girl" and "Every Young Man's Battle"- I read "Every Young Man's Battle" this last summer, and I just read "Boy Meets Girl" and I want to tell you--that book changed my prespective about the relationship big time. I have a plan... and I believe the Lord has arranged this to happen... My Pastor suggested that I would wait 10 weeks till she graduates- and then I am going to ask her dad if I can take her out to dinner. And there I am going to share my feelings. Until then, I am just getting grounded. I am not even going to discuss courtship or anything- I am just going to discuss that I really like her- and maybe she can save herself until we are ready.... That's what I hope to do. I think it's a wise decision... I know God has led me to do that. And God said she's the special one for me... So- all the tension is gone. There is a 16 year old guy that likes her too...but hey... I am not worried... lol...

 

[catch22]

Word to that....mind you I never actually say "word", but I'm saying it now because it seems apropo. It's pretty amazing, because with my situation, God basically said to me, "you'll be wih her someday, but for now let me work in you." God is teaching me so many things, and making me the man I will need to be in the future. Let the Lord work I say! I'm sure that the end result will be better than anything I could have managed by myself. I just pray that God's given her the same comfort he's given me.

 

[superdave]

Yeah I am in the same spot... And his working in me... is the most important thing right now.

Ok- I am going to turn this topic into something else-- Girls, what would be the best things to say? I really am not that good at saying the right thing...

 

[KLLM82]

Um, I have a q's for you Dave...you mentioned earlier that God hasn't revealed to you whether she's "the one" for you...so now He has told you that she's "the special one"? If He did reveal it to you, I believe that He will also reveal it to her as well

Be blessed.

~Katia~