Cancel the wedding

[Bubbles41]

I don't know if this is the right forum to post this. I just would like to ask your advice concerning my friend. His wedding is scheduled in 14 days. Two months before the wedding, he told me that he is unhappy with the relationship and he has been having second thoughts about the wedding. There are just too many red flags and unresolved issues. I told him that he should have taken things slow when he noticed that things are developing too fast with the woman. He said it was all or nothing because the woman was the one determined to get married.

Since he confided to me his feelings, I have repeatedly advised him to cancel the wedding but he was just too cowardly to do that. I have not changed my views on his situation and still keep on telling him to turn around. He is certain the marriage is not to last but still could not find the courage to back out.

For him, just go on with the wedding anyway he can divorce her later. I am still hoping that he would back out since to me marriage is sacred being Catholics. I would appreciate your views. Thanks.

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

I'm not sure what advice I can give you, or what advice you can give him. It seems like you have mentioned your concerns and he is determined to go forward.

For me, I am ready to get married but my bf hold back because of issues. As much as that sometimes bugs me, I respect him for wanting to make sure that he knows of what he is doing and is sure of it beforehand.

 

[peanutbutter12]

It's really a decision he has to make for himself. No one can stop the wedding but him, but he needs to understand that if he can't be the man now and do what needs to be done, he won't be the man in marriage either.

But like I said, it has to be his decision to make. You've already told him your feelings about it, pestering won't help. He needs to take the information he's been given, process it, and act. Reguardless of the money issues and fear of what people may say, if he's not happy, he needs to stop it before the "I do's"

CJ

 

[Inperfected]

Thank you.


Thank you more than you know. You sound like my ex would sound after a talk with him last night. I think i should reassess my engagemetn really seriously .. tonight. with my fiance.

 

[bliz]

Are you in the wedding party? If so, you need to step aside for the reasons you have stated.

Is it customary for the priest to say "If anyone knows of any just reason why this man and this woman should not be joined together, let him speak now or forever hold his peace." - or words to that effect? It would seem to be the most loving thing you could do for your friend. Yes, it may cost you the friendship.

 

[avilagirl]

Ditto bliz!! I was thinking this same thing. Actually, I think I'd take it a step further and not attend the wedding. This "marriage" clearly will not be based on love and respect. I'm not saying I'd speak angrily to him, but I would tell him in all conscience I just couldn't be a witness to his wedding if he doesn't have the integrity to be honest with the bride. You know, the other party he is entering into this *covenant* with!?!

And bliz is right - it may cost you the "friendship," but quite honestly, all you've lost is someone who is cowardly and ultimately dishonest.

Take care, and good luck -

 

[Bubbles41]

Thanks for all your replies. I am not in the wedding party. The wedding will be in America. The priest who did the pre-marriage counselling has noticed but I don't think they interfere. They merely let the couple know of the possible scenarios and how to best prepare for them. The would be groom's sister knows even if he has not opened up much to her. She probably noticed his big brother's hesitations and anxiety. (Thank God for little sisters.) She told him she is attending the wedding just to show her support but she refuses to give her approval of the wedding.

The last time I talked to him to convince again (for the nth time) to back out, he told me he's afraid of the woman's father and male relatives as they might hurt him. Is that really possible in America? I told him to report to the police in case they threaten him.

Please pray for my friend. He could use a lot of your prayers now and the coming days. Thanks.

 

[bliz]

The last time I talked to him to convince again (for the nth time) to back out, he told me he's afraid of the woman's father and male relatives as they might hurt him. Is that really possible in America? I told him to report to the police in case they threaten him.

They can't hurt him if he doesn't go to the US to get married.

 

[barefeetonholyground]

I think you've done all you could. Whether or not he backs out now is up to him. (Or her)

 

[charligirl]

I am assuming your friend is not a christian, aside from advising and giving your opinion I'm not sure there is much else you can do but pray. Better to back out now... they are more likely to hurt him if he goes throuigh with it and then makes her unhappy because he doesn;t love her.