Can you help?

[tinkerbell]

Hi
This is my first year in college. I have never moved before, so I've never had to be "the new person in town" or anything like that. I am having a really hard time getting to know people and have a social life. In high school, all of my free time was spent with other people. Now it's mostly looking for people to hang out with or do stuff with, then going to my room and spending lonely time on the computer. I do know people here from my highschool, but they are never avalible when I am and I am never avaliable when they are. I know I need to meet new people to anyway. I've been here now for almost two months, and I thought I would know more people and at least be alittle involved by now. This has been a major matter of prayer for me. Do any of you have any advice?

 

[desi]

Go to clubs which interest you and start talking to people. If you have several classes with someone you could introduce yourself, 'Hey! You look familiar. Aren't you in my x or y class?' Just start talking to people and you should be fine. Try to say 'hi' to 10 new people every day, smile when you do it.

 

[Blake]

If your in a dorm, just knock on you neighbors doors and introduce yourself. Nothing beats a friendly personality and a warm heart.

 

[Kahnrtis]

Right on w/ the dorm idea. I lived in dorms for two years, and was an RA one of those years. While you're in your room, leave your door open. Hang out in the hallway. Open doors are magnets for people stopping by just to say hi. And you do the same for other open doors on your hall. It works wonders.

 

[tinkerbell]

I'm not allowed to prop the door open - they say it's a fire hazard. I do work at the front desk here in the dorm though, so I get to know some people that way, I just don't get to know people very well. It doesn't go much past - hi, how are you doing. I mean we are friendly, but I don't ever see them other than when I am at work. I did however recive an invitation from someone I met today to join their softball team. I am not very good at softball, but I figure it might be my answer to prayer to get to know people. Still any more advice or suggestions are much appreciated. Thanks!

 

[Risen Tree]

I hate to hear stories such as this. They always bring back painful memories of my first year away from home.

tinkerbell, three pieces of advice:

(1) Start developing a Christian support network. Remember, you're just surveying the place, so don't feel guilty if you spend time with a particular group one week and don't feel the need to go back. Once you do find that strong Christian group, start developing close relationships there.

(2) Appeal the rule that says that you can't prop the door open. That's just plain dumb, and besides, it's anti-social to leave your door shut every minute that you're in your room. When I was in the dorm, the rule was simple: My door was shut if I needed privacy, open if I was in the mood to socialize.

(3) Schedule, schedule, schedule. Make a spreadsheet of your schedule and post it outside your door. You'll eventually have someone that comes to you and says, "Hey, I noticed that your schedule is open on Tuesday afternoons, well mine is too!" Good friendships have been known to start that way.

 

[Heinrich]

join the softball team.. nobody starts out as an expert in anything.
Don't worry! Your a GREAT person! And God will bring you great friends!
Happy socializing!

 

[Jae XVI]

Hey!

Don't worry ! Really, when I first came to college, everyone was so friendly and introduced themselves. They're probably in the situation you're in also. Freshmen are very eager to meet new people, and plenty of people just pop by to say hi even if you don't know them. I agree that you should leave you're dorm open alot, people will just look in and say hi and stuff. And my roomate and I became friend very fast. In fact, he is still my roomate in my 3rd year of college, and will probably be in my 4th year. Making friends in college is the easiest most natural thing since there's alway someone like you, or not like you (whatever you like ). You'll probably have trouble since you will meet a bunch of people and realistically only have time for a number of friends. But its ok, its good to have familiar people to say hi to! Don't worry, I have zero doubt you will make plenty of friends.

Oh, and I think proping the dorm enterance is against the rules, not you're own room. We had the same rules, which makes sense because you don't want strangers roaming around your dorm.

 

[OnceDust]

you know, when I first started college, I had breakfast once with another person from my highschool. I was enjoying myself and she was miserable. She, like you, had a lot of friends, in fact, she was our class president. Noting a few things that worked for me, i tried the following:

1. Joined and hung out at some campus ministries that shared my faith and had programs designed for freshmen. You'll find most campus clubs or religious groups know they are going to have new people who feel intimidated amid starnge surrowndings. Take advantage of that.

2. I became volunteer for United Way. I worked with kids and became a Big brother tutor. The softball team might be a start or maybe you will meet someone who is involved with something else you like or are good at. Try joining something that interests you or the newness might wear off and it will be a challenge to go to something you really dont like to do.

3. I joined a church and got to know some people. This place had a lot of programs, but didnt have soooo large a group of people it felt intimidating. I'd try finding a place that has activities you find interesting but small enough to remain personal and so you dont get lost.

4. Pray, 'nuff said

5. Eat with others. If you dorm in the same place as others who are from your highschool, maybe you can share a meal together, or go with someone on your floor, or with someone you just met from a club or talking with at the window you work at. The first time I went for orientation I chanced to sit next to a few people I didnt know. I'm the shyest person I know too, so that was a challenge. Challenging yourself is a good thing too.

7. If you're in a dorm, and you have a roomate, any chance you two could do something together?

8. Dont rely too much on the computer for companionship. The longer you spend online, the less time you have socializing out there. That too was a problem for me, when the internet came about. When I started college, I didnt have that option. Be wary that you do.

Good luck and keep us posted! Avail yourself of these years where you do have daily freedom you may not in the working world.

Blessings...

 

[tinkerbell]

Well, I have good news and bad news. I'll give you the bad news first. When I said that I would join the softball team, I compleetly forgot that I had a class at the same time, so I ended up not being able to do that. However in the class (Intro to Acting) I am getting to know people pretty well. It's a very small, intamate class, so there is potential, but I still can't seem to find people that I am clicking with. I'm really praying about it. Thanks for all your advice, again, continue to give any advance you have.