Can ya'll help me???

[Tenorvoice]

Hey there Ya'll,

I need some advice on courting not dating a young lady. I have already read and pretty much go by the ideas set forth by Josh Harris(sp?)

I was just wondering if ya'll have anything else to add to it??

we already have alot in common and do alot of the same things. (I think the thing that is attracting me the most is the fact of closely she fits the Proverbs 31 woman).


I just can not go more thatn a hour without thinking of her and I have been like this for a while now. I try my best to not let on how I realy feel about her in fear of her rejecting me in that way. I just have such a hard time figuring out the direction that she is implying she wants this frendship to be.

thanks in advance

tenor

peace be with all

 

[mina]

Be honest with her and tell her that you admire her. Ask if you could see her as more than a friend. I know that sounds corny but women can't read a guy's mind and you can't read hers, so communicate.

 

[Living4Him03]

Why not do something similar to what Josh did? Take her for coffee or something simple like that and ask her if she would like to begin a courtship/begin dating and explain to her what that means to you and give her time to think and pray about it. If she is worth pursuing she will let you know asap where her heart is and where she feels God leading. God bless!

 

[empty_spaces]

Well, i can't exactly tell you, but i know i was the first one to make a move when i wanted to know if my friend and i could be more than friends.

i told him how i felt, and asked if he felt the same. Admittedly, i stuttered, sounded stupid, and wish i had done it in person, rather online. I feared rejection too, but why fear rejection when it doesn't reflect on you?

Hear me out: when you are rejected, it's because of what another person thinks of you. It's not necesarily reflected on you, but on a perception of you which may or may not be true. In the end, isn't what God thinks of you what matters?

ok, so that's preachy. But my point is the same, you should pray about it, and tell her what she thinks.

(p.s., i find it easier to have conversations over aim because i don't actually have to say the words, i can type them)

 

[DaveKerwin]

don't do it online, don't do it on the phone.

See her in person and be straight forward. Tell her what you feel about her.

 

[IslandBreeze]

Do yourself a favor if you've read ANYTHING by Josh Harris. Read something that isn't so hypocritical and makes a little more sense. I'd recommend "I Gave Dating A Chance" as a good start.

 

[Living4Him03]

Don't knock Josh, he has some good things to say, BUT it IS from HIS perspective. Every couple is different. Ask this girl out the way YOU think it would be special. If you pray about it and you really feel God is leading you to this girl, God can help you come up with ideas, believe it or not. He'll give you a great opportunity to ask her out! Don't sweat it...the more you worry about planning it all out and making sure it's perfect, the more likely it won't be enjoyable.

 

[Tenorvoice]

Do yourself a favor if you've read ANYTHING by Josh Harris. Read something that isn't so hypocritical and makes a little more sense. I'd recommend "I Gave Dating A Chance" as a good start.

thanks tho but I am OUT OF THE "dating"thing and no longer want ANYTHING that style of relationships. They never work (for me anyways) and I would rather let my natural self come out through courting and not "dating". I refuse to let myself be influenced by the things of society today and would rather do what the Bible says about relationships.

Peace ya'll and I am working up the nerve to tell her after I pray about it some more. . I want to know God's insight into this situation.

thanks again
With love in Christ Jesus

Scott

 

[IslandBreeze]

thanks tho but I am OUT OF THE "dating"thing and no longer want ANYTHING that style of relationships. They never work (for me anyways) and I would rather let my natural self come out through courting and not "dating". I refuse to let myself be influenced by the things of society today and would rather do what the Bible says about relationships.

The book I recommended WAS written by a Christian, with Scriptural basis. It just gives a balance to Josh Harris' hypocrisy and hellfire and brimstone teaching against dating.

 

[Tenorvoice]

Before I even read Josh's book I had the exact same views in my life about dating but because I was so influence by the worlds view and ways of doing things that is what I did. It was not untill I read his book that I remebered my convictions of years ago and decided that no matter what the world tells me to do I am pretty much going to do the exact oposite of it. I do not belive that his views were hypocritical I belive that they are justified and very Biblical.

What I want to fulfill in my part of a Godfilled Marriage is the prinsiples set forth in Ephesians 5:18-6:4. Total mutual submission by all parts and with out being filled with the Spirit of God (verse 18) you can NEVER have a meaningfull relatoinship like God wants us to have. So if anyone has a problem with 5:19-6:4 you need to go back to verse 18 and deal with that first.

peace

 

[sweetly_me]

i won't knock josh but reading boundries before marriaage helped me. Doesn't knock dating doesn't go courtship yet promotes healthy relationships. ie, isn't dating that fails but the dater.

 

[IslandBreeze]

Before I even read Josh's book I had the exact same views in my life about dating but because I was so influence by the worlds view and ways of doing things that is what I did. It was not untill I read his book that I remebered my convictions of years ago and decided that no matter what the world tells me to do I am pretty much going to do the exact oposite of it. I do not belive that his views were hypocritical I belive that they are justified and very Biblical.

What I want to fulfill in my part of a Godfilled Marriage is the prinsiples set forth in Ephesians 5:18-6:4. Total mutual submission by all parts and with out being filled with the Spirit of God (verse 18) you can NEVER have a meaningfull relatoinship like God wants us to have. So if anyone has a problem with 5:19-6:4 you need to go back to verse 18 and deal with that first.

peace

My husband and I "dated" before we got married, and I assure you we have a God-filled, submissive, loving, peaceful marriage. You can get close to someone (and even share some intimacy--kissing, hugging) without losing your faith or without compromising your beliefs.

 

[mina]

I've read that book by Josh Harris, but I never finished it. I just couldn't get into it. Some people really like Josh Harris and I think that's fine. Some people practically worship him and that's weird. I think dating's fine as long as you are dating someone that you consider marriage potential. Casual dating doesn't sit well with me, but I don't think courting is the one and only way. Anyways whatever you choose to do always filter any advice through the word of God and do what God is calling you to do, not what anyone here or in a book says to do.

 

[Katty]

Personally, I don't use a "guideline" from a book regarding "dating" or getting to know someone. God gives us the choice to choose who we want to be with and to "fall for" and after that, it is OUR responsibility to keep that centered around Him with our actions and the way we would treat one another. I read Josh Harris' book and I personally think its used as a "pep talk" within the "dating scene". When you open up to someone on that level, you let them in your world and they let you in theirs. When you enter someone's world on that level, things flow as they should and nothing should be a "rule". On more than one occasion, I've seen rules put out into the "dating scene" and "love" becomes an obligation. I personally am just tired of it, hence the reason why I really don't want to "date" or "court" someone ever again. Dating books end up being "how-to" guides in how to build a "love-life" with someone when really, its all about getting to know that person by seeing glimpses of their heart, nothing more, nothing less. How hard is it really to realize that maybe you can just meet for a simple cup of coffee (*ahem* in my case, a small chai tea please hehe) and hang out for awhile? I don't know about you guys, but that seems really natural to me... not something that I need to read out of a book. Being exclusive doesn't have to be said cause in many cases, it just becomes known because theres no one else you'd rather be with anyhow.

This is all just my opinion, of course.

~Katty~

 

[Manna]

"When God Writes Your Love Story" by Eric and Lisa Ludy was a wonderful book in my opinon.

 

[shiftback]

Keep Praying.
That is the best advice I can give you. God will lead you to her and will give you peace. If it is his will for you to be with her, He will tell you and show you the best directoin to do so.

 

[MusicMelOU]

Don't make Josh Harris's book a rule book in your life. That can get you in trouble because you would be following men and not God. However, I do think his book ("Boy Meets Girl") does have some good insight about how you should trust God, and not let however you call your relationship determine how "holy" it is.

A huge flaw I found in that book is that all his stories seemed to be the same; in the way he idealized. I also didn't like how he based his reasoning behind the idea of an entire chapter over one story of people he knew. In reality, God does it differently for everyone, and there is no set formula as to how you should go about being with this woman.

The best advice I can give you is to pray about what you should do and listen intently for God to speak to you. Just take it day by day and God will direct you what to do.

Josh Harris's book was good for me because it helped me see the importance of keeping the relationship centered on God. But beyond that (the procedurals on being in a relationship), his book really cannot tell you anything more than anyone else can; that's God's job.

 

[MusicMelOU]

I've read that book by Josh Harris, but I never finished it. I just couldn't get into it. Some people really like Josh Harris and I think that's fine. Some people practically worship him and that's weird. I think dating's fine as long as you are dating someone that you consider marriage potential. Casual dating doesn't sit well with me, but I don't think courting is the one and only way. Anyways whatever you choose to do always filter any advice through the word of God and do what God is calling you to do, not what anyone here or in a book says to do.

You're thinking of the wrong book I think; you're thinking of "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" which was HORRIBLE in my opinion (I thought it did a lot more harm than good to a lot of people). I think he is referring to "Boy Meets Girl" which still had problems (see my above post) but was a LOT better.

 

[MusicMelOU]

thanks tho but I am OUT OF THE "dating"thing and no longer want ANYTHING that style of relationships. They never work (for me anyways) and I would rather let my natural self come out through courting and not "dating". I refuse to let myself be influenced by the things of society today and would rather do what the Bible says about relationships.

Peace ya'll and I am working up the nerve to tell her after I pray about it some more. . I want to know God's insight into this situation.

thanks again
With love in Christ Jesus

Scott

Last post; I promise. Josh does say in his 2nd book that it doesn't matter whether you call it dating or courting; it's what YOU make of it. What it boils down to is if you are honoring God. I am "dating" my boyfriend; we stay out of lust, seek fellowship/accountability of other Chrisitians, and our purpose for "dating" is to find out whether or not we should get married. I think you're getting too wrapped up in the terminology, and you might be missing the big picture.