Can I trust him?

[gator12]

Hi, my boyfriend and I have been together 10 months, and I really feel as though God brought us together, but right now I'm having trouble trusting him. Wrongly, I snooped through his text messages on his phone and found one that he sent to a girl he dated in 10th grade. It said

"I've known since 10th grade that you were the girl for me. It's a bummer we go to different schools and things can't work out. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just stalling with other girls."

This was very hurtful to read and I confronted him about it. He got very serious and said that he was in a moment of weakness and just voiced his struggle to this girl. He said nothing happened and he really doesn't feel that way about her and that he's sorry it hurt me. I want to believe him with all of my heart and he thinks that those types of things aren't harmful to a relationship, they strengthen them by reassuring ourselves of our true feelings to each other. Is he just smooth talking his way out of this or is this a legitimate, healthy explanation? I'm confused and would love to believe him, but my trust has been really defeated by this. Thanks for your time, I really appreciate any feedback or advice.

 

[tbird_energizerbunny]

Other than intense prayer, I would say to try to forgive him and move on. I would also, if it were me, I would exaimine within me ways to prevent this from happening again. I'd probably also ask what made him so insecure at that time.....and try to fix it.

tbird

 

[MrsSeptemberPenguin]

That would be incredibly hard. I can honestly say I'm not sure what I'd do. I'd be really hurt too, and you have every right to be. I think you need to pray about it, and see what you feel God is saying. Ask him to help you not to fear, but to clearly see what you need to do in the situation. Only you can truely make this decision. *hugs and prayers*

 

[favoredbyGod]

Pray about the situation first, This could be an "EYE OPENER" for u, I would pay close attention from here on out.

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

Yeah, you do need to be paying close attention to his behaviour.

Honestly, I don't know what I would do if I ever discovered something like that. I am sorry you are going through this

 

[charligirl]

If I were you I would treat this as a red flag and guard my heart, and I'd be praying and asking God to bring real transparency into the relationship and shine a light on the issues behind this.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

Hi, my boyfriend and I have been together 10 months, and I really feel as though God brought us together, but right now I'm having trouble trusting him. Wrongly, I snooped through his text messages on his phone and found one that he sent to a girl he dated in 10th grade. It said

"I've known since 10th grade that you were the girl for me. It's a bummer we go to different schools and things can't work out. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just stalling with other girls."

This was very hurtful to read and I confronted him about it. He got very serious and said that he was in a moment of weakness and just voiced his struggle to this girl. He said nothing happened and he really doesn't feel that way about her and that he's sorry it hurt me. I want to believe him with all of my heart and he thinks that those types of things aren't harmful to a relationship, they strengthen them by reassuring ourselves of our true feelings to each other. Is he just smooth talking his way out of this or is this a legitimate, healthy explanation? I'm confused and would love to believe him, but my trust has been really defeated by this. Thanks for your time, I really appreciate any feedback or advice.

Alright, I know the male mind, so I'm going to tell you this right now:

HE'S LYING.

Dude is smooth talking his way out of being caught with his hand in the cookie jar. I know you want to believe him, and that's admirable, but if the guy believed that you were the one, there would be not even a snowball's chance in Phoenix of him sending that text message. How can he say he "doesn't really feel that way" when he sent it? He didn't voice any struggles with this girl. He said "you're the girl for me" in no uncertain terms. No matter how you slice it, that's not good, that's not normal, and that's not healthy, and you shouldn't put up with it.

 

[gator12]

Thank you for your advice everyone, I really appreciate it. I'm definitely praying that God will lead me in the right direction.

 

[Weasel7711]

This is a rare occasion so I will savor the moment,but I am going to agree with IP completely on this.Thats not a moment of weakness, it's him wanting to be in another relationship. Let him go and get someone that knows they want to be with you. If he thought it was healthy he would have told you about it before you discovered it on his phone.

 

[RebornSinner]

Total open honestness does not exist from his end. He either needs to fix it, or you can, by leaving. I would not extend your full trust to him until he proves worthy, if you feel God telling you to stay put. I don't trust him. You know why? Because like IP said, I am a guy and I know how most of them think.

 

[gator12]

I respect everyone's opinion, but I am having another problem bc sometimes I feel as if God is telling me to leave and telling me to stay but I can't let myself let him go! Am I being selfish in wanting to stay in this relationship or am I hearing God's voice to stay and just really struggling with trust? I guess that's a matter between God and me, but it seems as if I shouldn't be lied to like this. I don't know how to let this man go because I really do love him with all of my heart.

 

[charligirl]

In my experience it's almost impossible to hear God clearly in such circumstances. Do you think God has said he is your husband? if not then I doubt He's telling you to stay.

Leaving does not neccessarily meaan it's over - in fact by leaving you will know this man's heart - if he truely wants to be with you he will move heaven and earth to keep you. If it really is God's will then you will come back together.

My feeling is that your bf is immature and not ready for committment. It sounds like he is a player, whether he has deep feelings (or not) for you or the other girl he is playing both of you at the moment.. nothing Godly in that at all.

 

[Weasel7711]

Lots of prayer and possibly fasting over the issue would be advised. But read up on fasting before you go starving yourself, fasting can be a great way of hearing God, but it needs to be done correctly.

 

[LongLegs]

"I've known since 10th grade that you were the girl for me. It's a bummer we go to different schools and things can't work out. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just stalling with other girls."

Is he just smooth talking his way out of this or is this a legitimate, healthy explanation? I'm confused and would love to believe him, but my trust has been really defeated by this. Thanks for your time, I really appreciate any feedback or advice.

If I were you, I'd dump him in a heartbeat. You can plainly see he's using you until he can "hook up" with something better.

Go ahead and give him the boot and move on. You will be sad for a moment, but alot happier in the long run.

Kathy

 

[Weasel7711]

If I were you, I'd dump him in a heartbeat. You can plainly see he's using you until he can "hook up" with something better.

Go ahead and give him the boot and move on. You will be sad for a moment, but alot happier in the long run.

Kathy

what she said

 

[oneamanda2]

Snooping always is bad because it shows doubt. But just remember that you don't know the whole story when it comes to texts. Just be strong and don't doubt until you have reason to.

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

Snooping always is bad because it shows doubt. But just remember that you don't know the whole story when it comes to texts. Just be strong and don't doubt until you have reason to.

Oh please, there is no other story to these texts. It seems pretty clear. Don't try to pass the blame to her, obviously she was justified in her mistrust.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

Snooping always is bad because it shows doubt. But just remember that you don't know the whole story when it comes to texts. Just be strong and don't doubt until you have reason to.

Are you serious? This guy's text message speaks for itself.

 

[Briseis]

Obviously snooping isnt good, but what he said to that girl is worse. How could a guy say he wants to be with a different girl and not mean it. If he truly felt you were the one for him, as you did before this all started, he would not have said that. A moment of weakness is not a valid excuse, it doesnt explain what he did. It could explain that what he said to her is true, and in a moment of weakness he admit it, but ppl dont say things they dont mean in moments of weakness.

But I do completely understand how you dont want to break up with him, you arent being selfish. You've probably been imagining a future with him for awhile, and you dont want to let that go. But if he doesnt want to be with you as much as you want to be with him, your future wont be what you picture.

 

[oneamanda2]

Snooping always is bad because it shows doubt. But just remember that you don't know the whole story when it comes to texts. Just be strong and don't doubt until you have reason to.

I misread what she posted and I take back what I said before. Yeah, she is WAY justified in her mistrust. Even though snooping is bad. You have to forgive him, but you shouldn't date him anymore.