"But I'm not HAPPY that way"

I was reading an interesting article a while back written by a woman who is polyamorous. She currently has two husbands and a boyfriend.

She went to her parent's house to visit and she was talking with her mother (who apparently isnt in favor of the way she lives) and her mother told her "God doesnt want you living that way. It says in the Bible, one man one woman."

She went on to explain that she had in fact been in monogamous relationships prior to her current relationships and actually been married for almost 15 years in a monogamous relationship. After all that, she never actually felt happy in a monogamous relationship. Her first marraige had been to a wonderful man whom she loved and they made a good couple, but he was monogamous and she simply wasnt happy.

So how does one address this?

If someone genuinely isnt happy with "the right way" then what do you?

If I may, my take on that is, the question to consider isn't whether the lady in question is monogamous or polygamous; it is whether Jesus is her Lord.

Dragons87 said:

If I may, my take on that is, the question to consider isn't whether the lady in question is monogamous or polygamous; it is whether Jesus is her Lord.

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I think its a valid question. Following a certain standard of behavior that is expected of her by the Christian community and indeed by society at large makes her unhappy.

Steezie said:

I was reading an interesting article a while back written by a woman who is polyamorous. She currently has two husbands and a boyfriend.

She went to her parent's house to visit and she was talking with her mother (who apparently isnt in favor of the way she lives) and her mother told her "God doesnt want you living that way. It says in the Bible, one man one woman."

She went on to explain that she had in fact been in monogamous relationships prior to her current relationships and actually been married for almost 15 years in a monogamous relationship. After all that, she never actually felt happy in a monogamous relationship. Her first marraige had been to a wonderful man whom she loved and they made a good couple, but he was monogamous and she simply wasnt happy.

So how does one address this?

If someone genuinely isnt happy with "the right way" then what do you?

Click to expand...

We are not to do what makes us happy, but what is right.

What if somebody likes to cheat and that makes him happy? Should he pursue his happiness or stay faithful and be "unhappy"? The right thing to do is what matters.

Otherwise, you can "happily" go to the opposite place of heaven...

Steezie said:

I was reading an interesting article a while back written by a woman who is polyamorous. She currently has two husbands and a boyfriend.

She went to her parent's house to visit and she was talking with her mother (who apparently isnt in favor of the way she lives) and her mother told her "God doesnt want you living that way. It says in the Bible, one man one woman."

She went on to explain that she had in fact been in monogamous relationships prior to her current relationships and actually been married for almost 15 years in a monogamous relationship. After all that, she never actually felt happy in a monogamous relationship. Her first marraige had been to a wonderful man whom she loved and they made a good couple, but he was monogamous and she simply wasnt happy.

So how does one address this?

If someone genuinely isnt happy with "the right way" then what do you?

Click to expand...

Strangely enough life isn't about seeking out our own happiness in all things. As a Christian there's nothing wrong with being happy or seeing other people pursue their own happiness, but being a fellow worker with Christ is much more important than simply being happy. A Christian shouldn't "follow the rules" simply to be happy, but far more importantly they should follow the rules because it is honoring to God.

With that said you didn't specify if your friend was a Christian or not. I'm betting not so with that in mind I'll say this. I don't expect non-Christians to live like Christians. I don't expect them to have the same moral values concerning anything at all. I expect them to pursue their own lusts and their own honor and I expect they will live by "do unto others before they do unto you" type mentality.

Steezie said:

So how does one address this?

If someone genuinely isnt happy with "the right way" then what do you?

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You have answered your own question with the quote you have chosen for yourself:

Chairs thrown and tables toppled,
Hands armed with broken bottles,
Standing no chance to win but,
We're not running, we're not running.

Black eyes, broken fingers,
Blood drips and I let it run
down my lips into my swollen gums.
When hope is non-existent,
Our instincts all scream "Run",
We never turn our backs or even bite our tongues.

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Strange choice, i must say, but under the auspices of your God-given free-will, the choice is yours to make.

Enjoy?

ABBA'S BRAT,
ephraim

ephraimanesti said:

You have answered your own question with the quote you have chosen for yourself

Strange choice, i must say, but under the auspices of your God-given free-will, the choice is yours to make.

Enjoy?

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Im confused how that's supposed to help

childofGod31 said:

We are not to do what makes us happy, but what is right.

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I think thats easier to say when you arent in that situation.

bsd31 said:

Strangely enough life isn't about seeking out our own happiness in all things. As a Christian there's nothing wrong with being happy or seeing other people pursue their own happiness, but being a fellow worker with Christ is much more important than simply being happy. A Christian shouldn't "follow the rules" simply to be happy, but far more importantly they should follow the rules because it is honoring to God.

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Then what is the benefit of living a life contrary to how you were made?

With that said you didn't specify if your friend was a Christian or not. I'm betting not so with that in mind I'll say this. I don't expect non-Christians to live like Christians. I don't expect them to have the same moral values concerning anything at all. I expect them to pursue their own lusts and their own honor and I expect they will live by "do unto others before they do unto you" type mentality.

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The author isnt a friend, as far as I know shes a practicing Christian.

So how does one address this?

If someone genuinely isnt happy with "the right way" then what do you?

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Should we allow Child Molesters do what it is that makes them happy?

Why not?

where is the line drawn? Why can one indulge in a sexual sin/promiscuity and the other can not? Who are you to judge? why is your line or "her" line any more valid than God's line?

As it is God sets the standards. He is the creator of all that was, is and ever will be.. To me this makes for a qualified Judge.

Steezie said:

Then what is the benefit of living a life contrary to how you were made?

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We weren't made to serve our own interests. We were made to fellowship with, honor and worship God.

The author isnt a friend, as far as I know shes a practicing Christian.

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Not if she has 2 husbands and a boyfriend she isn't practicing. She might be a backslider but no Christian continues to live in willful sin day after day. Sure we screw up and sin, but we don't make it a lifestyle and someone who has two husband and a boyfriend... well, that's a lifestyle of sin.

Steezie said:

Im confused how that's supposed to help

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Yes, i know. . . .

Nothing has changed. . . .

We've played this little game before.

ABBA'S BRAT,
ephraim

drich0150 said:

Should we allow Child Molesters do what it is that makes them happy?

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Since we arent talking about child molesters...

where is the line drawn? Why can one indulge in a sexual sin/promiscuity and the other can not? Who are you to judge? why is your line or "her" line any more valid than God's line?

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I'm not judging. Id assume we were graced with a basic sense of right and wrong for a reason and that would be so we could be a little independent and not go running to god every five minutes for permission.

bsd31 said:

We weren't made to serve our own interests. We were made to fellowship with, honor and worship God.

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This begs the question why then do we HAVE interests?

[quote\Not if she has 2 husbands and a boyfriend she isn't practicing. She might be a backslider but no Christian continues to live in willful sin day after day.[/quote] IIRC arent we all sinners according to your scripture?

To answer the OP:

No, we shouldn't do what makes us happy. If we had always done what makes us happy, there would be no human civilization (for starters). See Freud's thoughts on sublimation.

If polyamory, for example, was discounted as a "personal choice" that is not good or bad in and of itself, the family unit would be destabilized over several hundred or thousand years, and eventually families would become so fragmented that civilization would become chaotic and miserable.

See also incest (whether consensual or not). People think the incest taboo is about genetics, but it's really about keeping the family unit well-structured and [relatively] free of political infighting.

Steezie said:

Id assume we were graced with a basic sense of right and wrong for a reason and that would be so we could be a little independent and not go running to god every five minutes for permission.

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Generally, this is always the clincher in these conversations: "why can't Xians/religious ppl just follow their own conscience? Surely y'all know right from wrong innately?"

Thing is though, we don't know right from wrong. We are taught right from wrong. (See: toddlers biting one another before they learn that's not on.) In a Xian society, that means we are taught monogamy, among many other things.

In a post-Xian society, ppl are questioning why we teach Xian values--which is a fair question--but when they start asking "But why not just follow our own innate sense of right and wrong?", we can all start buying our tickets to watch the fall of Western civilization.

Human beings are stupid. They like to take care of themselves; they like pleasure. They will justify most any behaviour for their own pleasure--unless they've been taught a moral code that restrains them. If you take an evolutionary view, look at it like this--why do you think that religion is universally present in all human cultures? Could it be that religion is essential to the survivial of human culture?

I'm always fascinated by those who think human beings are innately good, or at least know good from evil without being taught. Where on earth is the proof for that?

Steezie said:

This begs the question why then do we HAVE interests?

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Which in turn begs the question--why should we assume that all our interests are inherently wholesome or beneficial to us?

(Sorry if this sounds snappish, Steezie--not intentional--I think your question is a good one)

Steezie said:

I think thats easier to say when you arent in that situation.

Then what is the benefit of living a life contrary to how you were made?

The author isnt a friend, as far as I know shes a practicing Christian.

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Well, if it helps, I am in that situation, I've lived 'the right way' rather than the way I was made for many years, in order to pursue a relationship with God.
In some ways I regret that now, but good has come of it, if not in the way I expected. I don't have a relationship with God, but I do have four lovely children who wouldn't exist if I had lived according to how I was 'made'.

There are a lot of situations in life where we do the right thing rather that what we want, think of parents putting their children first, of firemen putting themselves at risk to rescue others...

Life isn't about doing what we want all the time.

Id assume we were graced with a basic sense of right and wrong for a reason and that would be so we could be a little independent and not go running to god every five minutes for permission.

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Without foundational standards, "right and wrong" are subjective, on an individual and a communal level. so again without an ultimate authority to answer to, who's to say what is right and what is not?? What if, whatever I feel to be right, may not be so "right" for someone else? Am I entitled to pursue my version of right or happiness even if it is at the expense of another? why or why not? Ultimately who are any of you to say what i can or can not do?

Also, Just because a community says something is ok doesn't make it moral or right.. Ancient Rome anyone?

Since we arent talking about child molesters...
I'm not judging.

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But we are talking about things that make people happy.. It is evident that you have place some sort of judgment or restriction on the type or amount of happiness a person is allowed to have.. If not then why not discuss the "happiness" of others? Why limit yourself and this discussion in how you view happiness only in a given situation?

What i think:
You asked a foundational question that challenges the authority of God in placing restrictions on what you believe to be an fundamental right. Unfortunately for the sake of this discussion, the answer is not one that will be contained with in the narrow parameters, that show the unfairness or intrusion of God and or religion on your "fundamental rights."

In short I believe, you want to show religion/God as a tyrant, but when you are placed in the same seat of judgment you find yourself making similar judgments against open or unrestricted happiness.. Because this is not where you want the discussion to go, all of the sudden you don't have anything to say..

If you wish to have an adult conversation, one that is free to openly discuss all aspects of this topic, then lift your ban on anything not conducive to your whine list, and answer the questions.

Steezie said:

I think its a valid question. Following a certain standard of behavior that is expected of her by the Christian community and indeed by society at large makes her unhappy.

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I would like to clarify my question: if we are talking about doing the right thing vs. doing the happy thing, the views of the Christian community and by society are completely irrelevant. Standards, public pressure etc. are irrelevant to personal Christianity.

So, if I may take things to the fundamental level:

If she is polygamous and happy, it is irrelevant.
If she is polygamous and unhappy, it is irrelevant.
If she is monogamous and happy, it is irrelevant.
If she is monogamous and unhappy, it is irrelevant.

Then what's relevant (on the fundamental level)? Whether she accepts Jesus as her Saviour is what's relevant (on the fundamental level).

Steezie-

Again, the question is Jesus her Lord or not. Being happy or not happy isn't an indicator of if its right or wrong. Happiness is many things to many people. There are happy people living destructive lives; they don't want God in their life but want to live life the way they want. Thus, are happy to be the god of their life with their own set of values. From a christian perspective they are rebelling against God regardless and hurting themselves spiritually.

A child is happy to eat candy all the time-but it isn't good for them and isn't healthy physically.

^^^tell me that's a rhetorical question.

Steezie said:

I was reading an interesting article a while back written by a woman who is polyamorous. She currently has two husbands and a boyfriend.

She went to her parent's house to visit and she was talking with her mother (who apparently isnt in favor of the way she lives) and her mother told her "God doesnt want you living that way. It says in the Bible, one man one woman."

She went on to explain that she had in fact been in monogamous relationships prior to her current relationships and actually been married for almost 15 years in a monogamous relationship. After all that, she never actually felt happy in a monogamous relationship. Her first marraige had been to a wonderful man whom she loved and they made a good couple, but he was monogamous and she simply wasnt happy.

So how does one address this?

If someone genuinely isnt happy with "the right way" then what do you?

Click to expand...

ask the question, what about having more than one partner does make her "happy." Gotta find out where the feelings are coming from here.