Bummed out

[DaveP52462]

Hi All,

Just found this forum and read thru some of the posts.
What a great place.

I'm so discouraged.
After 3 years of being straight, I blew it last night.
What's the use, this thing is going to plague me the rest of my life.
It already ruined the best part of my life.

Please pray for me.
I haven't gone to the Father yet.
It's going to be HARD!
The shame and betrayal is too hard for me.
To know that I willingly violated such a loving God is hard to swallow. Shows my heart.. Rotten to the core.......

Thanks
Dave..

 

[notwrapped]

Hello Dave,
I'm Larry a very grateful recovering addict/alcoholic.Let me share something with you my brother.I had 10 years almost to the day when I decided that I could use and control it.It took me less than 10 DAYS to be right back in the saddle again.What the 10 years taught me ,for one thing,was to recognize that failure is ALWAYS a chance .But it also taught me to know enough to reach out immediately for help Soooo back to detox I went.. but before that I got on my knees to give it up to Jesus.I was sad ...I was really [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ed at myself......But one thing I was not was ashamed to ask God for help.Remember always.."Those who are weary ,come to me and I will give you rest" ....Ask him dave right now.... If you pull away from God NOW when you need him most you will prop the door open for Satan to slip in and help ya to finish .This is not a failure but meerly an "interuption" in your sobriety.You dropped the ball so now pick it up and "Let Go and Let God".I am sober now four years again.I had to go to my home group and stand up to get a white chip of surrender instead of a medallion for a decade clean.I did it and you can do it.PLEASE don't beat the crap out of yourself because it yields nothing.You recognize your mistake...You came here.. Now finish the race.

You can PM me anytime you want to chat.There are some really great guys and gals on this forum and they will rally to your side if you reach out.

God Bless you,
Larry

​

 

[DaveP52462]

Thanks Larry for the encouragement.
It's been a tough week.. I made it though. Been wanting to escape but kept walking straight. Very depressed and angry that I let myself get so far away from gods path for my life. I should be so far ahead but instead find myself still just tagging along. Thanks to God I'm still alive.

Dave..

 

[Nobility]

One of the analogies that I think works best here is to look at yourself as if on a path to recovery. Complete recovery is at one end, whilst complete destruction (whatever that may be for you) is at the other. When you trip up and use again (or again whatever your problem is) you haven't gone back to the start by any means! Whilst you may have taken a few steps backwards, you are miles from where you started.

Consider this a good reason to get yourself back up and trying again

 

[Ramona]

Hi Dave,

I'm glad you're reaching out to the community here. Please, don't beat yourself up over what has happened. We all make mistakes, we all fall hard sometimes, but we are all worthy of God's love. Do not be afraid of Him. He loves you as a child of His and wants nothing but the best for you. I mean it. He loves you. Ask him for guidance and he'll throw you a rope, but please continue to work through your struggles. AA and NA are there to help you.

True story: My mom is a recovering alcoholic. Her father was a raging alcoholic who would beat her and her brothers. She doesn't like to talk about why she fell into alcohol abuse, but I feel like this is a major contribution to it.

She abused it for several years, but managed to stop when she was pregnant with me. Her husband was also an alcoholic, a drug addict, and a wife/child abuser. She was so very unhappy.

But she pressed onward. She fled from her husband. She attended counseling and still does. She's now a doctor and has been clean for years. And while she has relapsed a couple times, I love her to death. She is a loving and intelligent person, and I support her fully no matter what.

People want to help you, Dave. There is professional counseling. There are support groups. They exist for you. There are good people everywhere who will love you and support you.

I have a severe mental illness (BPD), and I'm in therapy, on meds, and I have an accountability partner. Accountability partners are wonderful. I only wish that I had found one sooner. My AP actually posts on CF, and we are mutually supportive and help each-other tremendously.

God loves you and wants to help you! Pray, communicate, praise. He wants you to find support, and He wants you to feel loved. You have a right to that.

Take care, and I hope you'll check in with us regularly. I'll pray for you.

Courage!
Hallie

 

[saraharms1]

Hey Dave,

I know I'm a teenager but I know what its like to sit there and then look ahead and see you have fallen behind soooo far. I too have struggled with drugs and alcohol. What you need to do now is stay positive. Don't beat yourself up if you do have a slip up because tomorrow you can tell your self you won't do it again. Another thing is pray. God has pulled me out of so many ruts and for some reason has kept me alive. After many nights now I should be dead at the doses I've taken drugs and yet I'm still here. I noticed you say that you should thank God for just being alive which is true but if you look at the bigger picture he's probably got a lot more in store for you. Your life is going to be able to touch so many people once you recover and God knows that.



Stay strong, Stay close to God.



I'll be praying for you and your recovery!

God Bless
Sarah

 

[DaveP52462]

I got a call from a long ago friend out of the blue yesterday.
He told me what has happened in his life the past few years and it's really sad..Made me think that being an alcoholic/addict is not the worst thing in the world. There must be a million other things I could do in this world. You see my sins go back many many days and Satan has shaped my identity around it. Now being sober is the most ackward indeed. I find a loss at what to say, think, feel...

I have had a long walk with God thus far in life. He is more than I can comprehend. His mercy, love sees no boundaries. He has been a true friend and I hate to have let him down. My hopes were high but I see this is the battle before me. The enemy is tricky and knows my weaknesses. He cannot toy with me any longer so he looks for another way in. Keep me in your prayers.

Dave..

 

[DaveP52462]

Hi all,
Thanks for the prayers.
It's been 3 weeks and going good.
Asked for forgiveness and communications are up again. God is good, his mercies sees no end.

Dave..

 

[chilehed]

Dave, glad to hear about your three weeks. It's what we do, y'know? Fall - get up. Fall - get up. Just keep plugging along and God will give you the grace you need. Just keep turning to him, and if (God forbid) you fall again- just get up again.

Oh, and let me hold that bat for you, just in case you feel like picking it up again.