Bulimia

[EbonNelumbo]

So i am not a typical case *thats what they all say* I used to be severly anorexic, 86 lbs and such and then I got 'better.' Gained all the weight back and now I try to starve myself and fail so i just eat like 1 meal and then I throw up, but I dont lose weight anymore. For those of you who saw the "failed suicide attempt x2" post in struggles and recovery, that is mine because bulimia, eating disorders in general, is something I cannot deal with anymore. I cant seem to fight it off anymore. I have made a resolve, my last meal is now, then I am starving. Liquid diet..GAH!
I DONT WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE

 

[perfection]

http://www.near-death.com/forum/nde/000/69.html

This story may change your life.

 

[BlackRain]

don't do this to yourself! my sister almost died from starving herself. she was 74 pounds and all bones. this is very serious!! please talk to me...or someone. please don't starve yourself!!!!!!! i don't even know you and i'm almost the point of tears. please seek some help...publically or privately! you are someone...don't let yourself get washed into thinking that you have to starve yourself to death. please just talk to me...someone!

 

[squeak]

You don't need to do this anymore. I for one will pray that God will help you through this. My friend was anorexic and I seen what happened to her. Thankfully she is much better now. I don't know if you have talked to a professional about this, but I suggest you do. But I will pray.

 

[EbonNelumbo]

I read the story...it definently has me thinking. I weigh like 200lb right now, I am
perfect" according to my dr and such *doesnt use stupid height/weight scales* and I should stay here, if anything then lose weight with exercise or just make it muscle. I hate myself, guys tell me I look great but I hate myself. I have begun not eating all day until dinner, then eating dinner and throwing up, except I cant do that anymore, there is always a lot of blood now, I am terrified, I a a flippin med student and I KNOW what this means, I am scared to death...
Black Rain...very interesting that you of all people should comment on here...when I tried to commit suicide 3 weeks ago that was the song I did it do...also, I might add that I am in counseling, intensive for the suicide but it coinsides with the eating disorder. I just ate some dinner and for once I am going to keep it down...I am scared. I weighed 83lbs and I am pretty near 5'9" and thus I am scared. I weigh like 120 + now and until I am 20% under my 'ideal' body weight according to those scales, i am not considered anorexic, but I am bulimic or whatever. i dont know what to do anymore...

 

[EbonNelumbo]

Please note: When I said I had some 'weird' circumstances...um, my original case of anorexia was caused by my 1stex beating me whenever I ate so I was conditioned away from it. Ever since 02 i have been terrified of eating for being beaten and because of all that loser told me about no one wanting me I always feel like I have to be a size 0 and not any bigger...im flat out scared.

 

[goldenviolet]

do you have insurance to get to a doctor or go to a special support group? would you go? please research and pray about what direction you should take. eating disorders are complicated and should be worked out with people who have experiance. your struggle is because of how complicated it is. if you get the right help, and from what i've researched every case varies, then you can understand what you need to be doing. accountability with someone who understands would be a real support too. i will pray that you find God's will in this. for your own safety, fight it as much as possible.

 

[MissAmy]

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I know it must be terrifying. And I know what it's like to have those past voices screaming in your head (I'm an ana). This world need people like you. We need people who can live and help others in their situation. Don't take your life, you're to precious. All my prayers and love to you!

 

[WhereareyouGod?]

You don't need to starve! I'm sure u are beautiful just the way you are, the quicker you loose the weight the quicker you will put it back on, balanced diets work better in the long run, although the effects are slower to be visually effective the weight will stay off for longer.

Love n Hugs

Lizzie

 

[Endearing lil Influenza]

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. Selah (Ps 46:1-3 NIV)

When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me? (Ps 56:3-4 NIV)


I'm sorry about the abuse you have suffered... This is a situation where profesional support would really help you...


I know this is hard to do but you need to tell yourself you are safe... I know there is the fear of the abuse... and then the fear of the fear itself... and the fear of the memory...

As for the fear of being beaten... have faith in God that He will protect you... I know this is hard given your past... pray to God to give you the faith.

And as for the fear of the memory/fear... my therapist told me that the horrible memories will fade when you replace them with positive memories... this will take time and if you persist it will happen ... I in the past used to be bothered by memories all the time... everything triggered memories... but with time those memories faded and i don't get triggered as often as i used to be... replace the bad memories with good memories... it's hard work but it earnt me a lot of freedom...


I had a lot of professional help and a good support network...

seek help!

and hang in there... this won't be forever


hugs

 

[Endearing lil Influenza]

btw that avatar of yours... ain't that from kagaya's "Pices"??? I love that pic ... I have a 20x30in" 1000pc jigsaw puzzle completed and waiting to be framed


I can't post images yet.. I hope you can access the link... I've posted the pic in a secured forum so I'm not sure if you can access the pic [url="http://www.mentalearth.com/mentalearth/forums/uploads/post-2773-1104397902.jpg"]Piceshttp://www.mentalearth.com/mentalearth/forums/uploads/post-2773-1104397902.jpg[/url]

oh and it changes color in different temperatures too
Pices2



hehe don't mind me... ever since I was hospitalised... I developed a thing for jigsaw puzzles

 

[LavendarVanilla]

So i am not a typical case *thats what they all say* I used to be severly anorexic, 86 lbs and such and then I got 'better.'

I DONT WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE

Beanie~

For one thing, we need to get rid of the numbers.......... we all know that anorexic's thrive on those numbers...... You are NOT a number, you are a person. We shouldn't even mention them in our posts, because they mean nothing but the weight of our bones and flesh and have nothing to do with our spirit or personalities...

I also suffer from the same things that you do........... I toggle between "wanting" to get better, and not really "wanting" to get better. I've gained some weight back and I'm feeling better about myself now.

Is it possible for you to attend an OA, AA or EDA meeting in your area? Those help a lot! Please try to attend one, if not, maybe you could just find a very close friend, pastor or counselor that you can talk with.

Sweetheart, keep your head up! You are MUCH more than your weight/size. You are a valid person with feelings, emotions, love and compassion.

 

[Misty Minister]

An affirmation for you.
I make a resolution to be good to myself and to treat mybody with Love today! I WANT TO DO THIS MORE.


The Future is A big Place.
You are young and your body is growing and going through changes. It will keep deveoping until you are 26.
Men are available to you, all you have to do is snap your fingers.
Find men who are honest with you. Disonesty in relationships tends to make for crazy eating. Demand honesty, and practice rigorous honesty.
You are studying difficult subjects and you brain needs food energy.
You have good plans but you are scatering your energy with too many commitments.

Focus

Focus on the goal that is most important to you. *I do not mean starving or looking like a skinny boy model.* Control your activities and control your time so that you can reach your most important goal.

I saw your picture. How much do you weigh? What are the numbers? What is the normal number range for your age and Height?

Take control of your eating so that you do not drop below the normal range, and in your case that is a challenge.

You have a great deal to share with us all. You cant do it if you are dead.

You are so young and the future is a big place just waiting for you to fill it with love and wonder.

Misty

 

[Misty Minister]

Your are too valuable

 

[Misty Minister]

ahh yessss