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Broke-Up [past question]
- Thread starter _sunshinegirl
- Start date
invisiblebabe
He will restore the years the locust hath eaten
- Feb 12, 2004
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I have three exes, soooo...
*amiably parted ways 'cause we were both too busy for a serious relationship (and weren't that serious to begin with)
*his legalistic family butted in, tried to break us up, and succeeded (this was the ex-fiance, mind you)
*after saying three certain words and other things you can't take back, he said he "didn't realize what he was giving up when he gave up being single," and a month and a half later found a new girlfriend
*amiably parted ways 'cause we were both too busy for a serious relationship (and weren't that serious to begin with)
*his legalistic family butted in, tried to break us up, and succeeded (this was the ex-fiance, mind you)
*after saying three certain words and other things you can't take back, he said he "didn't realize what he was giving up when he gave up being single," and a month and a half later found a new girlfriend
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Living4Him03
Just wanna dance with you
With the most recent, it got pretty evident the last few months that something was not right between us. There were many factors I saw that just didn't add up and I knew it didn't have a future, at least not a good one, so I called him and told him what was on my heart and that I thought that he's not the one I'm supposed to be with, at least not at this time, and we should be friends. Not in those simple words, but basically. He acted as though he took it okay, but I found out later he was and still is very hurt by it.
I've only broken things off maybe one or two other times with guys. I've also been broken up with several times. I guess it wasn't that harsh, they'd just say they didn't have feelings for me anymore and we'd have a talk about it. One did cheat on me the whole time he was dating me though and the way he broke up with me was calling me from another city where he was spending the weekend to tell me he was engaged.
I've only broken things off maybe one or two other times with guys. I've also been broken up with several times. I guess it wasn't that harsh, they'd just say they didn't have feelings for me anymore and we'd have a talk about it. One did cheat on me the whole time he was dating me though and the way he broke up with me was calling me from another city where he was spending the weekend to tell me he was engaged.
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Highland Watchman
Keeping watch from my ebony tower
Um... three exes, and all three of them broke it off with me.
First (Tanya, 5 1/2 years ago, dated 3 months)
- the relationship was wrong from the start... think Jezebel for personality type...
- because of God convicting me and giving me the boldness to stand up to her, she then told me that she did not want a relationship with me if I was "withholding from her" that which should have been reserved for marriage, but that we were guilty of.
- Matters of faith... I wanted to take my relationship with God and my calling seriously. She did not.
Second (Michelle, 4 years ago, dated for 7 months)
- I still don't know all of the details to this day, but I'm guessing it's because I was too busy for her, and I spent too much time counselling and helping people, and not enough time focussed on her.
Third (Jen, 2 months ago, dated for 8 months, engaged for 4 months, still good friends...)
- Her heart is for India, and she longs to spend the rest of her life there (she just got back from a mission trip when she broke up with me)
- Differences of opinion regarding gender roles. She's more traditional and would feel more comfortable if the husband knew what he was doing and made all the important decisions, and I am more of a "feel as you go" kind of guy, where both parties work together to make the decisions and both are equal before God.
- since the planned wedding date wasn't for 2 years, it wasn't something that caused a lot of excitement for her. She wants to be excited for the wedding (and marriage)
- We are too much like best friends to make a good couple. (as in, the love that has been developed between us is more like that between friends than between a husband and wife)
- She just does not see us together... (and right now, I'd be prone to agree with her...)
First (Tanya, 5 1/2 years ago, dated 3 months)
- the relationship was wrong from the start... think Jezebel for personality type...
- because of God convicting me and giving me the boldness to stand up to her, she then told me that she did not want a relationship with me if I was "withholding from her" that which should have been reserved for marriage, but that we were guilty of.
- Matters of faith... I wanted to take my relationship with God and my calling seriously. She did not.
Second (Michelle, 4 years ago, dated for 7 months)
- I still don't know all of the details to this day, but I'm guessing it's because I was too busy for her, and I spent too much time counselling and helping people, and not enough time focussed on her.
Third (Jen, 2 months ago, dated for 8 months, engaged for 4 months, still good friends...)
- Her heart is for India, and she longs to spend the rest of her life there (she just got back from a mission trip when she broke up with me)
- Differences of opinion regarding gender roles. She's more traditional and would feel more comfortable if the husband knew what he was doing and made all the important decisions, and I am more of a "feel as you go" kind of guy, where both parties work together to make the decisions and both are equal before God.
- since the planned wedding date wasn't for 2 years, it wasn't something that caused a lot of excitement for her. She wants to be excited for the wedding (and marriage)
- We are too much like best friends to make a good couple. (as in, the love that has been developed between us is more like that between friends than between a husband and wife)
- She just does not see us together... (and right now, I'd be prone to agree with her...)
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Wow.
Thank you each for sharing.
God has convicted me of something along the lines of such as some of you spoke of, and I pray that the other person 'ends' what it is we have because I don't want to hurt him.
I know I am basically being a punk by the way I am doing it, but I long for another 'type' and a different kind of 'relantionship' and 'he' doesn't get that, so we have ... nothing in my eyes.
Thank you each for sharing.
God has convicted me of something along the lines of such as some of you spoke of, and I pray that the other person 'ends' what it is we have because I don't want to hurt him.
I know I am basically being a punk by the way I am doing it, but I long for another 'type' and a different kind of 'relantionship' and 'he' doesn't get that, so we have ... nothing in my eyes.
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Highland Watchman
Keeping watch from my ebony tower
_sunshinegirl said:
I would definitely suggest talking to him about it, and being honest. Because chances are, either he is feeling the same way as you are, and does not want to hurt you (so both of you are avoiding the real issue), or he is blind to the issues that you are seeing as a problem. It may hurt to be honest, but at least the pain is quick and easy... and you are not leading him along with a carrot on a string.
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Well the problem is .. he is kind of 'infatuated' with me, and I am totally not making that up.Highland Watchman said:I would definitely suggest talking to him about it, and being honest. Because chances are, either he is feeling the same way as you are, and does not want to hurt you (so both of you are avoiding the real issue), or he is blind to the issues that you are seeing as a problem. It may hurt to be honest, but at least the pain is quick and easy... and you are not leading him along with a carrot on a string.
I mean I adore him but *age is an issue and his non-belief in Jesus is another one, amoung other things.
.. carrot on a string?
Cute!
*No more problems though and THANK YOU to everyone who helped!
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ardeur
Veteran
I was in a relationship with a guy (my first ever), and over a period of time my family and some of my friends had voiced concerns about him. I didn't agree with them, but I took their advice and went to God about it. I prayed for a month and was convicted to break off our relationship. I sat down and told him how I felt, what I prayed about and why, and what God revealed to me. He was devastated and begged me to reconsider, but he knew I was serious and that I couldn't turn back. We don't talk much anymore because it's difficult (at least for us) to remain friends with the feelings we did/still do have.
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