Im a young adult and I met and started dating this guy while we were both still in High School. That was three years ago. Now he's working on a degree in Political Science at an expensive Private school... while I'm trying to get into the Air Force ROTC and go to a public college for a nursing degree.
Ive been raised in a Christain family and have always been very commited to my faith. My boy-friend however, was not. Though I will say he was raised in a home that is best case scenario for a non-christain family (Singularly married parents who are still in love, Grand-parents visit regularly, Plenty of money, etc).
While my Boy-friend had always had strong morals... It wasn't until a year and a half ago that he became a Christain (A year and a half after we had been dating). His relationship with God has been strained as it is. He doesnt have many positive Christain influences in his life (His roomate is a Pastors son who claims to be a Christain but sleeps around). Though My father has suggested that he get involved with a church around campus several times, BF doesnt seem up to it.
For the last Year and a half our relationship has been long distance due to his being away at college. He comes home every 2-4 weeks for a weekend or so. We usually have fun, but as of the last few months I had been feeling rather taken for granted. I just didnt feel he was taking care to treat me special (Which is really strange since everyone has always noted that he treats me like an absolute Princess). My parents suggested that I tell him that "If I don't feel like you're getting on the ball and making the necessary changes, we might need to break up".
Keep in mind that in 3 years we have only had about 2 fights, both of them very short lived and handled very maturely. Anyways, he assured me that his feelings hadn't changed and that he would work on proving it to me right away. This was all about a month ago.
Since then I have noticed him making changes (Texts in the morning, more effort in engaging in conversation, more well planned out dates, etc). But for some reason I still don't feel right. I think Im getting to the point where I just want to try something new in my life. I have never really dated anyone else before, and Im going away to college soon (God- Willing). I want to date around a little bit (No one in mind). But more than that is this.....
The longer we date the further Marriage seems to be getting away. We haven't had sex and we don't even really make out (No this has not been easy). Being in a relationship this serious this young has put some unnecessary stress on me at least. It wouldnt be bad at all if I were 25 and at a point in life where it would be practicle to get married. But Im not. We need at least 2.5 more years. I strongly believe God created us to be sexual being and that there should be a natural physical progression in a relationship.... as it is, our relationship has nowhere to go.
Anyways, I think its time for a change. Ive prayed about this alot for a long time. My whole family and a couple of my friends think this is the right decision.... but how to go about it?
See if I had it my way, we'd be at a point where we could get married... Id have already had some time to date around... we'd both know where we were going in life. But thats not gonna happen. Im reluctant to say ggodbye to BF forever, but I also want to be fair to him.
Here's my question.......
Would it be fair to tell him the truth about everything Ive been feeling and then ask him if we could become friends instead of BF/GF? That would mean we could still call eachother occasionally, talk when we see eachother at social functions (We are both in our two best friends's wedding), and all that stuff. But also be seeing other people and keeping to ourselves for the most part. I'd also like to tell him that "I hope someday If we both find we can't live without one-another and that we are at a point in our lives when we are ready for the next step, then we can come together again and see where God leads us" (Or at least something like this)
I really do love this young man. Truly...... But there are some issues in our relationship and our personal lives (He needs to grow up a little spiritually.... I dont mean that in a condescending way). I would love it if our paths crossed romantically again someday. But I also want to guard his heart and I dont want him being emotionally abused if he's waiting around hoping we'll get back together and then I go find some other guy, or I just flat out decide that my BF and I arent meant for eachother.
Input anyone? Feel free to ask details on anything. I know there is alot I didnt cover.
Ive been raised in a Christain family and have always been very commited to my faith. My boy-friend however, was not. Though I will say he was raised in a home that is best case scenario for a non-christain family (Singularly married parents who are still in love, Grand-parents visit regularly, Plenty of money, etc).
While my Boy-friend had always had strong morals... It wasn't until a year and a half ago that he became a Christain (A year and a half after we had been dating). His relationship with God has been strained as it is. He doesnt have many positive Christain influences in his life (His roomate is a Pastors son who claims to be a Christain but sleeps around). Though My father has suggested that he get involved with a church around campus several times, BF doesnt seem up to it.
For the last Year and a half our relationship has been long distance due to his being away at college. He comes home every 2-4 weeks for a weekend or so. We usually have fun, but as of the last few months I had been feeling rather taken for granted. I just didnt feel he was taking care to treat me special (Which is really strange since everyone has always noted that he treats me like an absolute Princess). My parents suggested that I tell him that "If I don't feel like you're getting on the ball and making the necessary changes, we might need to break up".
Keep in mind that in 3 years we have only had about 2 fights, both of them very short lived and handled very maturely. Anyways, he assured me that his feelings hadn't changed and that he would work on proving it to me right away. This was all about a month ago.
Since then I have noticed him making changes (Texts in the morning, more effort in engaging in conversation, more well planned out dates, etc). But for some reason I still don't feel right. I think Im getting to the point where I just want to try something new in my life. I have never really dated anyone else before, and Im going away to college soon (God- Willing). I want to date around a little bit (No one in mind). But more than that is this.....
The longer we date the further Marriage seems to be getting away. We haven't had sex and we don't even really make out (No this has not been easy). Being in a relationship this serious this young has put some unnecessary stress on me at least. It wouldnt be bad at all if I were 25 and at a point in life where it would be practicle to get married. But Im not. We need at least 2.5 more years. I strongly believe God created us to be sexual being and that there should be a natural physical progression in a relationship.... as it is, our relationship has nowhere to go.
Anyways, I think its time for a change. Ive prayed about this alot for a long time. My whole family and a couple of my friends think this is the right decision.... but how to go about it?
See if I had it my way, we'd be at a point where we could get married... Id have already had some time to date around... we'd both know where we were going in life. But thats not gonna happen. Im reluctant to say ggodbye to BF forever, but I also want to be fair to him.
Here's my question.......
Would it be fair to tell him the truth about everything Ive been feeling and then ask him if we could become friends instead of BF/GF? That would mean we could still call eachother occasionally, talk when we see eachother at social functions (We are both in our two best friends's wedding), and all that stuff. But also be seeing other people and keeping to ourselves for the most part. I'd also like to tell him that "I hope someday If we both find we can't live without one-another and that we are at a point in our lives when we are ready for the next step, then we can come together again and see where God leads us" (Or at least something like this)
I really do love this young man. Truly...... But there are some issues in our relationship and our personal lives (He needs to grow up a little spiritually.... I dont mean that in a condescending way). I would love it if our paths crossed romantically again someday. But I also want to guard his heart and I dont want him being emotionally abused if he's waiting around hoping we'll get back together and then I go find some other guy, or I just flat out decide that my BF and I arent meant for eachother.
Input anyone? Feel free to ask details on anything. I know there is alot I didnt cover.
