Bipolar Disorder...

I have just been diagnosed w/ bipolar II, a milder version of the normal bipolar disorder. I don't get very manic, but I do experience very low lows and higher than normal highs. I know I've felt "normal" before, but I can't remember what that feels like anymore....My mood just seems to slip slowly from high to low and back again. I don't want to go on meds, for various reasons. I think that I can deal w/this through God. Most people I know don't really know about my mental issues. They know that I get deressed, but not the diagnoses....I dated a guy w/pretty sever bipolar depression. This was before I was diagnosed. I suppose that is why we got along so well, b/c I could understand where he was coming from. People who have not experienced these sort of feelings find it hard to empathize or get where someone who has such a disorder is coming from....We're thinking about getting back together, but I'm afraid of co-dependancy. One thing that kinda irritated me, was that many of my friends knew that he had bipolar disorder and after we broke up they told me that I shouldn't date people who are depressed. I think that's ridiculous. People w/bipolar deserve to be loved just as much as anyone else. Sometimes I think that I am better "equiped" to love someone like my exboyfriend b/c of my own experiences. Is this dellusional?

To the OP
I know what it is like when you first get diagnosed. It sort of a huge bag of emotions. On one hand you are happy to put a name to all the confusion and to finally know what it is on the other you have just found out you will always be sick. Relief and then more misery all in one. An oxymoron for us. I know for me it was like them telling me I had cancer that couldn't be cured. IT SUC KED I also felt like well aren't you supposed to be telling me something that would make this better instead my mind is still reacting the same way to this total and utter confusion and complete opposites. Then they put me on meds and finally got them to where they are supposed to be and things eventually levelled out. I will tell you though at first it is a huge lifestyle change because you have to get used to thinking differently and seeing things differently. It can be a bit confusing at first. It will seem like you have shut down when in fact you haven't it is just that you are reacting to things normally. I have had some people tell me that it shuts down their creativity and that is not so it simply needs to redirected. Like if before you were one that wrote when you were unhappy then write when you are happy now find the inspiration elsewhere in other words. I still write when I am unhappy and I write when I am happy. Things like that. You will still feel things unlike others and still think unlike others too that is unavoidable it is part of the biochemical imbalance and no matter how many drugs they give you they cannot fully dampen it all. When looking into drugs and what they want you to take don't just take the doctors word for the type of drugs you should be on. Some are what they call suppressants and then some are called stabalizers. Stabalizers are always better because they artificially replace what the body is missing so as to natural stabilize the mood. Suppressants just suppress them so when it comes out it comes out in a big way. It is what they call breakthroughs. You will have more breakthrough attacks on suppressors than on stabilizers. One works against one works with.
I hope any of this has helped if you need me for anything just PM me at anytime.
God Bless
Debi

I have been among the ranks of those affected with Bipolar since I was a young child and just diagnosed 11 years ago. I found out when I was diagnosed, I had what they termed rapid cycling bipolar disorder. This means that my moods changed on almost a daily basis, and after trying 6 meds in a years time, Lithium happened to be the drug of choice to treat it. I am thankful that I got the help I needed and I have been relatively stable for about 9 1/2 years now.

I think I have had periods of mania (euphoric, talking more, full of energy, reckless, inflated self-esteem, etc) but they don't last for very long, like a few days, although I think I may have had an episode that lasted for a month. Mostly I'm depressed, although mostly apathetic/lethargic depression and occasionally I slip into suicidal-depressed mode. Could this be bipolar?

wblastyn said:

I think I have had periods of mania (euphoric, talking more, full of energy, reckless, inflated self-esteem, etc) but they don't last for very long, like a few days, although I think I may have had an episode that lasted for a month. Mostly I'm depressed, although mostly apathetic/lethargic depression and occasionally I slip into suicidal-depressed mode. Could this be bipolar?

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well it sounds an awfull lot like it...but, hey, I'm not a psychiatrist, so I am not about to go around diagnosing anyone.....

Has anyone who has taken meds experienced weight gain? Not to sound superficial, but that's a large concern for me....

wblastyn,
It does sound like Bipolar to me too, But, I would seek some kind of professional help to be sure.

Nico,
In the time I have been taking Lithium, I have had a small wieght gain. About 10 lbs or so.
I had more of a wieght gain when I was on Paxil.

Has anyone who has taken meds experienced weight gain? Not to sound superficial, but that's a large concern for me....

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Yes I have but it also depends I think a great deal on the amounts of certain drugs you are using. Like right now I am on a mood stabilizer named Depakote that works well for me. When I was on say Lithium I gained a lot of weight because it made me very lethargic. The Depakote on the other hand doesn't so I have less weight gain. I think with all of them you do experience some but it can also be countered with proper diet change. And also finding the right one/s that work with you not against you.
You also have to remember this what you look like from a couple of extra pounds is nothing compared to the end result of having your sound mind back.
God Bless
Debi

Well I'm seeing a psychiatrist today (I already made the appointment before Christmas) so I'll talk to her about it.

wblastyn,
Let us know how things go at the Dr's, Hopefully you can get the help you need.

With his blood,
I guess that this new med is gonna be a kind of a hindrance when it comes to maintaining your weight. I guess the only thing to do is be careful of what you eat and try to exercise regular. I am about 40 lbs overwieght now cause of my back problems and not being able to be active. So, My girlish figure is gone forever !!! Good luck and keep us posted how you are doing.

Well it turns out I definitely have depression and social anxiety but they cannot diagnose bipolar in one session, so I'm going to have to keep going back once a week to have my mood checked out, then I'll start various types of therapy (cognative-behavioural, etc). I also have to take medication, although I was first given that by my regular doctor about 1 month ago, but the psychiatrist told me to keep taking it until we know if it will help or not, then they may need to increase the dosage.

WithHisBloodWentOurSin said:

as for the weight gain, i was on a drug seriquil (just sound it out) and my doctor told me that it makes me crave carbs, which in the wrong amount are quite fattening. Right now im on lithium and it seems to be working but i hate taking meds because i seem to have more hibitations (normally i would walk around school in yellow ducky pj's) Now im accually caring what people think, and i dont like that. its not a good thing for my theatre career. I also feel that i should have more energy then i do but everyone seems to think that im fine as is.

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It is a doctor's first choice to go with Lithium. The reason for this is the have the least amount of reaction to the drug. But that doesn't mean that it is a better drug all the time just easier for them. They have a great many suitable drugs out there for BiPolar. What helps is to be informed of them and then to approach your doctor with the suggestion and ask if you could try something new because you as hte patient do not feel this is the right drug for you. Remember that with any drug that takes care of BiPolar you are going to have some type of this effect. Lithium just happens to be one of those that does this an extreme.

WithHisBloodWentOurSin said:

first choice really? I was originally put on seriquil.

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Wow you have an enlightened doc then I would keep that one. In the Forum that I used to be a part of we always used to complain about Lithium and it being the first drug used. Then they came out with some literature I will have to find it again that was very informative as why most docs choose Lithium.
So your doc isn't against you trying other meds if one isn't working for you then?
I ask because I have encountered many docs that gave me a hard time with this. And I kept telling them the meds I were taking wern't working for me. Patented answer that seemed to be shared by me and others I knew was not to tamper with it. Finally I was locked up for a suicide attempt and the doc I saw was great and realized that he would have to change my meds instead just adjusting my dosage. Worked like a charm once we hit on the one I am on right now. Then later I needed to have something added so I had another added. What is great is he also worked it so that the drugs I use are also ones that help with my seizure disorder too. He figured why not kill two birds with one stone which I thought was even better.
If you don't mind what was wrong with the seriquil anyway how did it make you feel I haven't heard to many good things about it.
Sorry I did see that you were on it and then for some reason forgot. Chalk it up to my forgetful nature.

How do people feel about dealing w/bipolar without meds? I'm still not wishing to take them, and am hoping that i can deal w/this w/me and God. I don't know, I could be in denial. I hate therapists b/c I feel like the whole time that I'm talking to them, it's just some person who really doesn't care. And I feel so ridiculous trying to map out my life along with my feelings for them, so that they can get a sense of me. But as I talk, my thoughts become disjointed, my mind jumps from one point to another, b/c truthfully, it is all interelated; and I end up saying dumb things like how I'm upset that I can't keep my apt. clean--which is not really the point, but just an aspect, and I just get exasperated. I guess that I'm hoping that I can do this with just a whole lot of praying and talking with God. I think I may be a fool....

Nico said:

How do people feel about dealing w/bipolar without meds? I'm still not wishing to take them, and am hoping that i can deal w/this w/me and God. I don't know, I could be in denial. I hate therapists b/c I feel like the whole time that I'm talking to them, it's just some person who really doesn't care. And I feel so ridiculous trying to map out my life along with my feelings for them, so that they can get a sense of me. But as I talk, my thoughts become disjointed, my mind jumps from one point to another, b/c truthfully, it is all interelated; and I end up saying dumb things like how I'm upset that I can't keep my apt. clean--which is not really the point, but just an aspect, and I just get exasperated. I guess that I'm hoping that I can do this with just a whole lot of praying and talking with God. I think I may be a fool....

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First of all never say that you are a fool. It is not constructive in the least. I tried to do it for many years without meds. The problem that i found out later is that it gets worse as time goes on. Now I do have one friend who is not as bad as me and tries to do it without meds but she also sees a doc 2x a week and if the doc sees at any time that she is not in fact handling it well she is put on meds for a while. this is the agreement that she eventually came to with her doc after getting under control first by using meds. the problem is she is older than me and is getting worse now and when she does go off she goes hyper manic which makes her paranoid. So now she has to use psychotropes as well when she has these times just to come back to reality. Have you looked into something called St. John's Wort to help? It is a homeopathic remedy that they say is quite effective for some people and doesn't have the same side effects as the drugs the docs use. I can't take it becaue it interacts with my dilantin but then again most drugs interact with dilantin. But I know of many that do because either the drug therapy they are using isn't sufficient for them and they do not wish to take any more meds or their docs have recommended they actually take the stuff. I know my doc said it would be good if I didn't have the interaction problem thingy. And remember this it does not in any way make you a bad or weak individual if you have to take them to help you. In fact it takes a pretty strong person to admit they need help. This is a good character trait not a bad one.
I believe you once said something about it taking away your creative edge. You can correct me if I am wrong. But if I am right this too is a misconception because I still write like I did before just my style has changed it isn't as dark because my mood in general isn't as dark. But my creative juices still flow all the time. Frequently in the middle of the night in fact, and I still use it as a venting measure.
And about your house being a mess so was mine and it was one of those snippets that would just for some reason irrate me all of the sudden and then I wouldn't care. You know something my house is still a mess I just can deal with it now. LOL I have kids I cook and I do everyday things and so it is going to get that way no matter what I do so Oh well. Life ventures onward. Without my meds though there were times I would just get into a deep depression over something as simple as looking a the mess. then go manic and clean it up and still be manic and have nothing to do with myself so I would end up going nuts in my own thoughts the neverending stream of them that only I could make any sense of. Oh and just so you know not all docs are bad you just have to shop around for them just as you would anything else until you hit upon the one that fits you.
God Bless
Debi

nico I am in the same place as you I do struggle, but I do not want to be on pills. I have had success with vitex(chaste berry) its a herbal supplement that is a balancing herb for women. I take one a day and my mood swings have improved substantially.

Also my sister in law was just telling me that she has been taking black cohosh( I think that is how it spelled) she said it has helped her moods also.

I hope you find something that works for you , you are in my prayers today