Bipolar Disorder: I need information

[Lisa0315]

My husband was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. He was put on two anti-depressants, a mood stabilizer, and a sleeping pill. Can someone advise me on how to best support and help him? Can you tell me about this disorder, your experiences? I have heard some awful things. I really need help with this.

 

[Alive again]

We will be happy to help you! Can you tell us what symptoms you have noticed so Far???? did the doc say it was bp 1 or bp 2? How long have you been married? There are some good books and websites as well if you are interested let me know. Also, NAMI puts on a family2family course that is extremely helpful!!! Blessings, tell us a bit more and we will be happy to help.

 

[NewCovenant]

I agree with Alive, you need to know whether he's BPI or BPII, but you might be able to get an idea by his symptoms. This is not written in stone, however, just a guideline. Does he have more manic episodes than depressive? That would be BPI. If he's more depressive than manic, than he's BPII (like me). But you may not be able to tell, if the illness has just manifested itself recently (early to mid-twenties, or even later, following years of undiagnosed cycles or unipolar mania or depression). There are lots of places to get help. The best things you can do for yourself and for him are to be very informed and to get support for yourself. Dig up books on the illness and read them. Some good ones are:

1) The Bipolar Survival Guide: What You and Your Family Need to Know by David J. Miklowitz
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/t...104-9267503-6910334?v=glance&s=books&n=5078462) Bipolar Disorder: A Guide for Patients and Families [font=verdana,arial,helvetica][size=-1]by Francis Mark Mondimore
3) Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder by Julie E. Fast & John D. Preston
And most important for HIM:
4) The Depression Workbook: A Guide for Living with Depression and Bipolar Disorder
AND
5) Living without Depression and Manic Depression: A Workbook for Maintaining Mood Stability (both by Mary Ellen Copeland)

From that list, I can personally and highly recommend #1, 4 and 5, and have heard very good things about 3. I've only seen 2 on the shelf.

Also visit Mary Ellen Copeland's site for additional stuff:

http://www.mentalhealthrecovery.com/
Look for the info on starting a "WRAP" or a Wellness Recovery Action Plan. Look at the Recovery Tools especially, but search the whole site, there's lots of good links, too.

Some things that you can help your husband with are: starting a daily routine (going to bed at the same time every night, taking meds at the same time every day, getting up at the same time every day); keeping his psychiatrist appts, keeping his therapy appts; for a time, while he stabilizes, helping him avoid added stressors (this is temporary; he will have to cope on his own eventually). Give him gentle reminders to take his medication if he forgets; make sure he's eating right. Watch to make sure he's not using alcohol or drugs (not to say he is, just precautionary). This is not the time to be confrontational; he's in a time of great transition. Once he's stabilized (it may take several weeks for his meds to take effect, and he may need to change his meds several times before his dr finds a combination that works), you can start to work on more deep-seated problems. Seek support from your friends, family and church. Treat him with love and patience, but don't smother him. Once his meds kick in, he's going to feel really weird about the way he was acting while he was mood-swinging. Sometimes, those of us who are bipolar did a lot that we were ashamed of! If you need any help, please PM me.

With love in Christ, Gladys

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[Lisa0315]

We will be happy to help you! Can you tell us what symptoms you have noticed so Far???? did the doc say it was bp 1 or bp 2? How long have you been married? There are some good books and websites as well if you are interested let me know. Also, NAMI puts on a family2family course that is extremely helpful!!! Blessings, tell us a bit more and we will be happy to help.

He has just had an initial assessment, and they are treating him as bipolar. No official diagnosis yet. His first real appointment is Oct 11.

We have been married 19 years and here are some observations that I have seen over the years...

Things I have said over the years about him:

"Everything is about extremes. It is all or nothing with him"
"The only thing to expect from Curtis is the unexpected"
"It is like being married to two different people: There is one person that we all love, and one that we cannot stand to be around"

My husband cannot take the slightest problem. Even small things can set him off. He is destructive and self-destructive. If one of the kids came home with a bad note from school, he would disappear for days after flying into a rage, tearing up the house, and saying the god-awfulest things you can imagine. He is not physically abusive, but very verbally abusive.

He self-medicated, obtaining Xanex off the street, taking handfuls at the time, going down the road in an 18-wheeler.

Emotional blackmail...It was never said, but I stayed in the marriage mainly because I knew he would kill himself if I ever left, and very possibly, he would kill me first. That is no exaggeration, but the real truth that I have lived with.

Social events/Holidays...another catalyst. I usually went to places alone because he could not handle it and would usually start a fight rather than attend some function or another. Holidays??? We have had more ruined Christmas' than good ones. I learned ways around this of course.

He has been fired from the last three jobs due to erratic behaviour, drug use, and the like. He has ruined us financially due to gambling binges.

He has had two heart attacks, and he is just 41. His brother was diagnosed as bi-polar about 10 years ago. I begged my husband to get help then because it seemed so obvious to me that this was what was wrong with him as well, but he refused.

One week ago, he began having chest pains again, and I took him to the emergency room. This was not another heart attack, but an anxiety attack. They talked him into staying overnight so that he could talk to someone the next morning. However, things came up, and the MD's did not show up the next morning. My husband went bezerk right there in the hospital, and for the first time ever, someone else saw the behavior besides me and the kids. Let's just say that he got their attention. They very nearly committed him instead of letting him go home. He was tallking about jumping out the window, killing other people in the hospital, etc. Then, he sat on the bed, and just started crying.

Around 5pm, Curtis finally got to talk to someone and the MD put him on two anti-depressants, some mood swing drug, and a sleeping pill. They are treating him as bi-polar, but no official diagnosis yet, like I said.

 

[NewCovenant]

It not only sounds like he's BP, but it sounds like he's been rapid-cycling. (Avoid Lithium.)

Wow, girl, you've really been through the ringer. I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to you. Make sure he stays on those meds, and not just the anti-depressants. Sometimes BP's think they can get by just on antidepressants. The mood stabilizer is essential. This is key: if a BP patient takes ONLY anti-depressants and goes off of his mood-stabilizer, it can (and usually will) throw him into a manic episode. I was informed of this by my doctor after it happened to me, after I had done that very thing.

Mood stabilizers are commonly the following drugs: Lithium, Depakote, carbamazepine (Tegretol), Lyprexa, Topomax, Neurontin, and Lamictal. Other than Lithium, the drugs they use as mood stabilizers are anti-convulsants (seizure medication), and no one seems to know exactly why these medications effectly treat mood disorders, but they do (PTL!).

He has probably been put on one of these along with his antidepressants. If he hasn't been, ASK his doctor about it. There may be one or two newer ones out there, but I think I got them all.

The combination I'm on, which has taken 14 years to perfect, is the following: Topomax (mood stabilizer), Zoloft (SSRI, antidepressant and anti-anxiety), Trazodone (generic for Desyrel, a modified cyclic antidepressant, and helps me sleep), Seroquel (atypical antipsychotic, used in BP patients to relieve BP mania and anxiety). I'm also on anti-thyroid medication.

As I said, it has taken 14 years to come up with a combination of drugs that has worked for me. I was diagnosed in 1991. In the first 4 years after my diagnosis, I was hospitalized 9 times and made 2 suicide attempts. I had about 7 years of ups and downs, on medication and in treatment the whole time, but nothing major enough to end up in the hospital. About 3 years ago I, I had a major crisis and was hospitalized once again after another, more serious suicide attempt.

My whole life changed. While in the hospital the last time, I found this wonderful doctor, and we started working toward stability. It took me a while, with him, with medication, and with a lot of reading and prayer and patience, but I came to a good place. I'm stable, and I really do feel like I can handle anything that happens to me now.

I think that with the proper care, you and your husband can get through this. He may need to be hospitalized in a psychiatric facility for a few weeks until he is stabilized on his medication; he will need to learn new coping skills that he has never had. This is a whole new world for him, and for you, too. You will both need counseling; BOTH of your lives will be completely changing.

I'll be praying for you. PM if you need to talk.

 

[Lisa0315]

It not only sounds like he's BP, but it sounds like he's been rapid-cycling. (Avoid Lithium.)

What is rapid cycling?

Wow, girl, you've really been through the ringer. I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to you. Make sure he stays on those meds, and not just the anti-depressants. Sometimes BP's think they can get by just on antidepressants. The mood stabilizer is essential. This is key: if a BP patient takes ONLY anti-depressants and goes off of his mood-stabilizer, it can (and usually will) throw him into a manic episode. I was informed of this by my doctor after it happened to me, after I had done that very thing.

He is on a mood stablizer. Topomax is the one. Also, Prozak, and another anti-depressant.

Thanks for the info. We are just getting started on all of this. Believe it or not, about two days before, I had prayed for God to make things better. I submitted myself completely and told God that I was willing to go through anything if it would get better in the end. I mean, my grandfather died, and I had to spend a whole day calming my husband down so I could tell my uncle that he would be a pall bearer. I know that this is an answer to my prayer, and I am praying that my husband will finally be able to deal with LIFE. I have to handle everything by myself. The kids are almost grown now, and I wish to God that they could have had a better home, but I did the best that I could. The final straw for me was the second heart attack which happened this past August. One week after coming home from the hospital, my husband went nuts again, disappeared for several days, and I just couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't sit back and watch him self-destruct, or wait on the phone call that said he was not ever coming home again. Curtis told the MD's that he was convinced that I was leaving him and that was what caused him to have the anxiety attack. Just a few days before, I had told him (again) that after the funeral, I was going to make arrangements because I just could not take it anymore. I told him that I had to do it for my own health and my own sanity, that I hoped he would let me go, that if he loved me at all, to just let me go without a fight. This was the final catalyst, and my prayer a few days later was desperation to save my marriage. I truly believe that this is all the hand of God. I am in this for the duration. I can deal with this now that I know he is not just being mean or hateful, but he really has a problem. It was exactly what I needed to know in order to stay committed to him. I have been married to him since I was 18 years old, and I didn't want to leave. I just didn't know what else to do. I had come to the conclusion that maybe if he lost me, he would get some help. Fortunately, it did not come down to that. I am so grateful to the Lord. I have no words to say it.

 

[Alive again]

Bless you!!! I cannot imagine what an incredible person of strentgh you must be to have gone through all of this by his side. I know also the hell this illnes can consume. Now that we have all the info and can tie it together. My dad had bp 2, my son has bp 2 and I have bp 2. And my husband does not know how to deal with life other than just to get angry, so I am the one who deals with everything and works everything out. Let just say that I don't know what a home without fighting is like. My daughter has said that living with her borther (whom she loves dearly) was like living with a monster, you just never knew when or what would wake the monster up.

Routine will be one of the most helpful things you can do. Avoiding stimulants and stimulating situations will help. It will depend alot upon what your husband is willing to accept and willing to do. Self medicating is so common with bp. (I use food) My son uses cigs and street drugs. Finances can be a big issue for some. Soem spouse have to see an attorney for advice on their state laws so that if the partner goes overboard it doesn't become the spouse's responsibility also. When they are angry (usually manic) leave the area. I was able to develop a warning system with my hubby up to and including one of us going to a motel for the night and then meeting in public in the am to discuss it all. It is not uncommon in bp 2 or rapid cycling to have the anger leave very quickly and turn to depression (and withdrawal). I really want to kill myself after I have been maniacially angry. I become someone I loathe in those moments and am so ashamed. it is the opposite of everything I am and stand for, and I just did it. Rapid cycling is when the moods change quicxkly. there also is mixed cycles where you can be manic and depressed at the same time. BP 1 has extreme highs-rapid talking, rapid thinking, etc. BP 2 has hypomanias or little highs which can be mistaken for a gpood day or even silliness. BP can be really described as a continuum and cycling patterns can be as individual as the house we live in.

A big issue for those of us with mental illnesses is that when we take our meds and feel better, we can stop our meds. Often just hoping we are well and don't need tham, can't afford them, are tired of taking them. There are many reasons. Wioth BP it is a progressive illness, esp off of meds. On meds we usually stabilize and do not change that much, although we can accomadate to meds and need a change. Meds have side effects, but there are many to choose from so don't despair. I had to try 4 before I found the right med. Bp is a biological illness. There are documentable brain changes at autopsy and yes, there is a genetic tendency, so do keep an eye open for it in your kids as well. So bp effects the neurotransmitters in the brain and the meds help to treat that imbalance. But different meds work on different neurotransmitters, so it is often the case of trying a few meds and combos to find the right one. Sorry this sound so disjointed, but I am tired and wanted to respond. Pm me anytime and you are in my prayers.

 

[Lisa0315]

Bless you!!! I cannot imagine what an incredible person of strentgh you must be to have gone through all of this by his side. I know also the hell this illnes can consume. Now that we have all the info and can tie it together. My dad had bp 2, my son has bp 2 and I have bp 2. And my husband does not know how to deal with life other than just to get angry, so I am the one who deals with everything and works everything out. Let just say that I don't know what a home without fighting is like. My daughter has said that living with her borther (whom she loves dearly) was like living with a monster, you just never knew when or what would wake the monster up.

Routine will be one of the most helpful things you can do. Avoiding stimulants and stimulating situations will help. It will depend alot upon what your husband is willing to accept and willing to do. Self medicating is so common with bp. (I use food) My son uses cigs and street drugs. Finances can be a big issue for some. Soem spouse have to see an attorney for advice on their state laws so that if the partner goes overboard it doesn't become the spouse's responsibility also. When they are angry (usually manic) leave the area. I was able to develop a warning system with my hubby up to and including one of us going to a motel for the night and then meeting in public in the am to discuss it all. It is not uncommon in bp 2 or rapid cycling to have the anger leave very quickly and turn to depression (and withdrawal). I really want to kill myself after I have been maniacially angry. I become someone I loathe in those moments and am so ashamed. it is the opposite of everything I am and stand for, and I just did it. Rapid cycling is when the moods change quicxkly. there also is mixed cycles where you can be manic and depressed at the same time. BP 1 has extreme highs-rapid talking, rapid thinking, etc. BP 2 has hypomanias or little highs which can be mistaken for a gpood day or even silliness. BP can be really described as a continuum and cycling patterns can be as individual as the house we live in.

A big issue for those of us with mental illnesses is that when we take our meds and feel better, we can stop our meds. Often just hoping we are well and don't need tham, can't afford them, are tired of taking them. There are many reasons. Wioth BP it is a progressive illness, esp off of meds. On meds we usually stabilize and do not change that much, although we can accomadate to meds and need a change. Meds have side effects, but there are many to choose from so don't despair. I had to try 4 before I found the right med. Bp is a biological illness. There are documentable brain changes at autopsy and yes, there is a genetic tendency, so do keep an eye open for it in your kids as well. So bp effects the neurotransmitters in the brain and the meds help to treat that imbalance. But different meds work on different neurotransmitters, so it is often the case of trying a few meds and combos to find the right one. Sorry this sound so disjointed, but I am tired and wanted to respond. Pm me anytime and you are in my prayers.

Thanks. You are amazing.

I am worried about my son. He is ADHD, but I wonder if this has been a mistaken diagnosis all along. He has an annual appointment in November, and I plan on talking to the MD to find out if my son is also BP.

 

[Alive again]

Yes, do talk to them. There are varying studies, but it ranges from about 30% and up of those with bp also having add or adhd. My son was recently started on adderall as well as his mood stabilizer and he says it is helping. Be careful, as a stimulant such as adderall can trigger mania if taken alone in those with bp. How old is your son? Age of onset of bp can vary, vs our knowledge and ability to see the symptoms. SOme children are being diagnosed as bp quite young now with better knowledge.

 

[Lisa0315]

Yes, do talk to them. There are varying studies, but it ranges from about 30% and up of those with bp also having add or adhd. My son was recently started on adderall as well as his mood stabilizer and he says it is helping. Be careful, as a stimulant such as adderall can trigger mania if taken alone in those with bp. How old is your son? Age of onset of bp can vary, vs our knowledge and ability to see the symptoms. SOme children are being diagnosed as bp quite young now with better knowledge.

My son is 15, but has had bouts of depression and rage just like my husband.

 

[Brother_Justin]

Hello I hope you all don't mind me stepping in here with some comments !

I dont have alot of advice to offer as far as the medical aspect of all this goes. I would say spiritualy it would be good when your husband is feeling stable to maybe get him to church(if he is not already going), and maybe do a family Bible study or something!!! Im a firm believer in medical treatment, but I also think that alittle church and Bible can go along way !!

Im praying for you Lisa and your family. I just know that the Lord has great plans!

I wanted to say something because one of my best friends is BP and I walked in on him attempting suicide. It's a long road, but I know that in the end Jesus is the victor !!!


Love in Christ ~Brother Justin~ <><

 

[Lisa0315]

Hello I hope you all don't mind me stepping in here with some comments !

I dont have alot of advice to offer as far as the medical aspect of all this goes. I would say spiritualy it would be good when your husband is feeling stable to maybe get him to church(if he is not already going), and maybe do a family Bible study or something!!! Im a firm believer in medical treatment, but I also think that alittle church and Bible can go along way !!

Im praying for you Lisa and your family. I just know that the Lord has great plans!

I wanted to say something because one of my best friends is BP and I walked in on him attempting suicide. It's a long road, but I know that in the end Jesus is the victor !!!


Love in Christ ~Brother Justin~ <><

Thank you Justin.

My husband does attend church with me frequently. However, he is pretty confused as to what he believes. I am praying that when the meds help get his head clear, he will be able to approach the gospel in a different way. I truly believe that God is going to take care of all of this, and that my family life will change. It was almost my very first prayer after I became a Christian. Regardless of what happens with my husband, God has given me more peace and the ability to better handle everything. It has been rough, but my faith has seen me through. There were times when I felt as if I should just give up, but each time, I would ask God to help me. I have read the Book of Job alot, and the thought that keeps going through my head is to NOT charge God foolishly. I know this will all work out. I have turned it over to the Lord and things are already better than they were a week ago. I believe in the end, my husband and I will reach out to other people and show them how we got through this by the grace of God. I believe that we will be able to offer hope to people going through the same thing.

I appreciate all the kind words and prayers that I have received via this forum. It really helps to know that other people have been through the same thing and survived by the grace of God.

Lisa

 

[Brother_Justin]

Lisa you are an inspiration to us all!!! Your faith is so strong! Bless you so much for being such an amazing woman of God. Your kids and your husband are so lucky to have such a strong woman of the Lord supporting them! God bless you and you and your family are always in my never ending prayers!!



Love brother ~Justin~ <><

 

[NewCovenant]

Lisa, I have to say that I agree with Justin. I was in treatment for 3 or 4 years, taking my medication steadily, but my most great improvement came after I was saved. So keep praying for him and keep encouraging him. When he stabilizes, and he starts to realize how he's been acting, he'll be able to feel the Holy Spirit stirring in him, and he may make a complete spiritual turn around.

About your son. BPD does run in families. If you look around your husband's family, you may find an aunt or grandparent that was considered "funny," an undiagnosed BP. (My dad's sister was BP2, with psychotic episodes.) My sister was self-medicating all her life, and I think she may have been BP2; my father, as well, perhaps. My mother has been a unipolar depressive all of MY life.

Now that you have a diagnoses on your husband, TELL YOUR SON'S DOCTOR. He may reevaluate your son. Many ADD and ADHD kids have been treated w/mood stabilizers successfully. In fact, I read somewhere (but I can't remember where, of course) that someone thought that many ADD or ADHD diagnosed kids may actually be early-manifestation Bipolar. So talk to him.

Rapid-cycling is just what it sounds. Rapidly shifting of moods, high to low, angry to sad, happy to depressed. "Rapid" is a subjective term. Some people cycle several times per day, other several times per month. I can cycle from depressed to hypomanic in one day, but that's rare anymore (PTL!!).

Lithium has been found to be ineffective in rapid-cyclers, like me (boy, is THAT an understatement--many bad experiences on Lithium), although it has been an extraordinary blessing to about 75% of the BP patients out there.

 

[Alive again]

I also echo Justin statement about the importance of faith. In trying to be there for everyone else in your family do not forget to take care of yourself!!!! Prayers!!!

 

[Lisa0315]

Thanks, All. Good advice, and I am passing bits and pieces to my husband as I can. I have been doing quite a bit of research and am even more convinced that he is definitely bipolar. He has been on the meds for exactly one week today, and while they tell me that the meds take two to four weeks to work, I can already see a difference. He does seem to get antsy each afternoon, but he is learning to cope with that by going off by himself. He went fishing Sunday afternoon when he started feeling very nervous and frustrated. He came back feeling much better. He started school today which is a miracle in itself. My son got into a fight today resulting in a three day suspension, but that did not throw my husband off. He sat calmly by while I talked to my son. BTW, my son did not throw the first punch. He was defending himself according to the school, but school policy is for both kids to receive suspension.

I am taking better care of myself as well. I am trying to get enough sleep every night. It seems as if I function much better as long as I get plenty of rest.

I do appreciate all the kind words and prayers. It really helps and I will never forget it.

Lisa