Bipolar boyfriend leaving again

[lara7]

Hi all!

Just felt like posting now before the holidays.... My bipolar boyfriend who I love, left me on August 18th, and has not come back yet. We have had very little contact in this time, but a month before he left, we were talking about marriage. He has left me three times before, always manic, twice in hospital. This time I'm pretty sure he's hypomanic....even though he of course says he feels 'fine', and his family seems to think so too. He has not been to hospital, and he has been working all this time, but I recognise a few of the hypomanic symptoms he has described to me before. Like increased spemding, less empathic, increased social activity...etc

He still has a lot of stuff in my apartment, including his spare key, but he has not made any effort to get it or pick it up. He has blocked me on Facebook, just basically blocked me out of his life....He has my spare key too.

I think he's blaming me for getting sick, what happens is that he distances himself, and I get scared....and he leaves... This time he left me by phone. I know he never would have treated me like this if he was stable...

We have been through so much together, I've been with him through psychosis, mania and mild depression.... I really don't want to give him up, but this is hard...I have been trying to lie low, not contacting him a lot. I just sent him a message saying Merry Christmas (text message), and he said the same back, and added have a good 2009...of course hinting that he won't have anything to do with me.... I love him and I really want to stay with him, but this is really hard.

I have posted here a couple of times before, always with the same proplem. What I see is history repeating itself, and I have decided if he comes back this time, that I want to insist on couple's therapy for us. We need help to break this viscious cycle.


I've also been praying about this for a long time, and sometimes I don't even understand myself why I keep hanging on to him. I know I love him a lot, and he's the kindest and swwetes man when he's stable. I can honestly say he's given me the best and worst times of my life. He's never violent, but when he leaves it hurts so much...


Does anyone have any advice or comments? Am I being silly still hoping for him to come back to me? I'm just lost here....

Thanks all for reading this.

Merry Christmas to you all.

Love lara
​

 

[Soulwings]

Merry Christmas back to you. Sounds like you're in a tough boat right now. I don't have much advice, really, because I've never been in your shoes... but I don't think that you are silly for hoping that your boyfriend will come back. I think I would do the same in your shoes... however, if he has given you the worst times of your life, and doesn't appear to want to come back... I would not nurse the hope too deeply, and instead give it over to Jesus and pray about it, as you already are. I don't know - is what I'm saying making any sense at all?

I really hope that things work out for you. Is he on meds or in therapy? because those are two things that may really help... and if he's been in hos it seems like they would try to put him on some sort of meds there to help him stabilize. I'll be praying that God's will be done in this matter and that you not fight it... but that His will is also what you desire. Hang in there, keep praying and asking God about this, and don't be afraid to come on here for support, even though you yourself are not bipolar.

 

[lara7]

Thank you, soulwing!

I appreciate everything that you are saying, and I'm really trying to give it all to God. I've just done that from the beginning, and I feel that God has provided many proof to me of my boyfriend's love, and willingness to work with me on this. But his cycling is the worst for me, because then he avoids me and contact with me.

I have just felt so many times that God has led me back to him, even last Christmas when I thought it was time to let go for real... But I pray that God's will must be done here. Thanks again for your input and your prayers. It means a lot.

Lara

 

[Soulwings]

You're welcome. I do hope that things work out for the best for you. I believe that you have a good heart and are a good person for your boyfriend... but please, do not let yourself get hurt unnecessarily in this. I worry about you - and about him. It sounds like it has been awfully rough for the both of you. doh: statement, huh? )

Anyway. I'm here if you need to talk about anything!! Don't hesitate to PM/visitor message me.

 

[Alive again]

lara, I remember your previous post and am saying a prayer for you and your ex boyfriend. Hugs!

 

[lara7]

Thanks a lot, and God bless you

 

[brokenhearted79]

Hi there. know exactly how you feel. My husband is Bipolar 1. When he first got diagnosed he was in a severe mixed epiode. He suddenly remembered this girl he had dated back in seventh grade and contacted her. He started harassing her and the girl got scared and got him arrested (she was married). He asked me to move out, told me he had never loved me and asked for a divorce (that never happened because he had no $$$). What I mean to say is that Bp's do the most bizarre things when in an episode. They love you one day and hate you the next.
As soon as the episode was over (9 long months!) he asked me back and I returned to our home, because I love him, because I have faith, and because I know he need helps, he was not being himself.
I say, don't take anything personal when you know he is going through an episode. I hope he is on medication. If you really love him and want to make things works, you'll need a lot of patient, a lot of information on the subject, read everything you can about it so you'll know more or less what to expect. But most of all you'll need faith and you'll need God.
Blessings. I hope this helps a little bit.

 

[lara7]

Thanks a lot for your message, it really helped more than a little bit. I really believe in our love, we have always found back to each other in the past. I have always put this realationship in the hands of God, and I feel like He's giving me this unconditional love for this man. I have been ready to let go before, but God always leads us back together. I just have to keep the faith this time too.

I have a feeling he's getting better now, not too 'high' anymore. So I have decided to go to his house, ask for five min of his time, and tell me I love him and want to be with him, but that I need him to choose between three options.

1. Talk to me.
I will say that I really hope we can talk about everything, and that I will accept it if he tells me it has to be over. But I need this talk. I tcan be in his pace, and we don't have to talk about everything at once. I also know I will be able to talk calmly this time around.

2. Leave me. It's hard for me to give him this option, but I don't feel like I have any choice. I will tell him that it will be very hurtful for me, though, if he chooses to leave without talking ro me. If he chooses this option, I will need him to pick up his things, and return my stuff, so I can start my healing process.

3. Wait.
If he doesn't feel up to choosing anything atm, if it's hard for him, I can wait a couple of weeks more, but then I would like him to ask me to wait.

I will also tell him I believe in us, and the love we have....and the fact that I'm even there talking t him after everything, should tell him something about how much he means to me.

I have this all written down, so after explaining it to him, I want to hand him the letter and leave, tell him I would like him to come back to me within a few days.

I'm thinking about doing this on Monday. I would really appreciate it if you could all pray about this visit, that God helps me say the right things, and that God lets his heart listen to me.

Thank you everyone, for being here throughout this difficult time.
God bless all of you!

Hugs lara

 

[Alive again]

Praying that God will be in control of the outcome of this situation. That He will give you both wisdom, and that you both will be able to move forward into whatever He reveals to you whether it is together or appart.