Bipolar Boss

[arwootton]

Sorry for the lengthy post….

I have worked as a personal assistant for my bipolar boss for 12 ½ years. He is a successful self employed business man. Over the years he has built his business to the stage that he does not need to work.

Over the years I have been with him, due to his lifestyle & income level, his bipolar was disguised (or rather wasn’t recognised). His cashflow was high so his mainly manic lifestyle went along. Several staff members have been employed during this time however were not able to bare staying after his overactivity, racing thoughts & grandiose ideas.

Several years ago, after he made a major business change two employees left (leaving me as the last of his employees) and his cashflow reduced, yet level of lifestyle continued.

At the start of last year, after financial pressures were building, he was forced to dispose of some of his lifestyle additions and he went into deep depression where he was finally diagnosed with Bipolar and admitted to a Mental Health Clinic for approx. 1 month at first, home for 2 weeks and back for another month.

Since that time he has been going between manic/depressed and lost all interest in his business (which I try to maintain).

Two weeks ago I met him for coffee and he told me he was leaving his wife & two kids and would be leaving a note for them (they were away for the APEC weekend)… This bothered me all weekend and I rang him on the Saturday and told him if there were issues in the note that he felt he couldn’t discuss face to face with his wife he should simply give her the letter, and not leave, to give a chance for the issues to be discussed.

He didn’t leave his wife, she arrived back home with the kids… however since before she went away I am aware he has been chatting to girls on a Russian website and leading them on… stating that he has been separated from his wife and is looking to go to Russia and bring someone back to be his wife…. I know there are intimacy issues with my boss & his wife……

My boss & his wife became Christians last year… however much of his Christian Walk has been manic and last week when I asked him if there was a guy at the church he could talk to he wasn’t interested because “I know what they will say”.

I have just been praying that he will have conviction about the right things to say and I have also been holding onto a number for a woman at the church I know my boss wife is close to and has been aware of much of their situation.

Today I spoke with my boss’ wife, she is aware of his Chat Room experiences and his indication that he would be travelling to Russia… I disclosed to her that I have known of this.. She is meeting with a counsellor from their Church today. My boss’s monthly Physcologist appointment is next week and his wife will be going with him… as we are not sure if he has been taking his medication properly.

Me… well I have been a Christian for over 25 years (most of my life!), married for nearly 3 years. I feel a devotion for my Boss & his family… I know all aspects of their lives and manage their personal finances..

I just need people to tell me what else I can do, am I doing enough?… I also need to work on my own marriage as I tend to let work and it’s pressures affect me…

Thanks for taking the time to read…

Angela

 

[bipolarbear]

Welcome to the forum Angela. I wish i had time to visit, but my morning is full. I just wanted you to know that the people here are so kind, and you have come to a safe place. may the Lord Bless your day! Hugs

 

[Alive again]

Angela, Yes, Pray!!!! And take care of your own family also! YOu know this already, for it is exactly what you posted! NO one can help someone with bipolar unless they are willing to be helped!
God can reach this man if this man will let him and does not harden his heart. You know all this, but know also that being there for him and his wife can exhaust you. We will join you in prayer!

 

[angelkiss]

I agree with Alive again. A person has to really want help for it to work for them. I personally, have to use a lot of self-discipline and there are days that I have to force myself.
You can't help someone who's not willing to help themselves. But, you can be there for them. Just remember to always take the time for yourself and your family.
Many prayers are going up for you.
s and es!!

 

[Alive again]

I will add a little more clearly about the concept of healthy boundaries-the easiest explanation I have heard is that if you think of two la=wans, your neighbor's (your boss) and yours. If you spend all of your time watering your neighbor's lawn and taking care of it, He will sit on his porch and look at his lovely lawn and enjoy it. In the meantime your lawn is dead and brown . . .

YOur neighbor may even be one who then points a finger at you and complains about your lawn. . .

So yes, the Bible calls for us to be there and love and support others, the key is balance, not (and I am not saying you are doing this, just giving you a word picture to help you make healthy choices, as it it so easy for me as a helper type personality to not do self care well) self neglect and neglect of your family.

Sometimes when we take care of things so well for the person with bp they do not have to face the consequences of their illness and we are actually helping them continue to believe that they are doing "JUST FINE", again I am not saying you are doing this, just helping you to think. One of the hardest things to do, is to watch some one crash or run and to stand back and pray your knees off, as they make poor choices! James 1:5 (I think) promises that God will give us wisdom if we ask. I join you in prayer for wisdom for you, your boss, his family and this situation and that God would war against the enemy who is trying to destroy this man and his family and life.

Hugs and prayers!