Dear sister,
You are in my prayers, i know that is comforting, however we as humans often feel pray is a bit slow. We need to remember the Lord has great plans for us adn our lives! We really need to aline ourselves in his timeline for our lives... You Beloved will never fully understand what it is like because He dosen't have Bipolar... That is somethig you need to try to accept no matter how supportive or not he is! It is wonderful that as time passes, your Beloved is becomming more understanding and supportive!
I have found sharing my feelings with my Beloved and importantly my children really helps. Example My daughter "Nancy Drew" two weekends back. She just could not do anything right in my eyes... in fact even her walking in teh same room as me set me off. Very very sad! i shared this with Beloved, adn told him I didn't know why this was happening, adn that it angered and saddened me that it was happening! Then I went and had a hear to heart with my cherished daughter! I told her that there is absolutely nothing she has done wrong, but I have these feelings today. I share how the feelings made me feel, adn reinforced that she has done nothing wrong. i asked her to try and listen first time, adn I would really try not to lash out at her. ( i did not put it to her quite that way, I am jsut getting to teh point.) I avoided her most of the day so I would not get set off, adn I would not say hurtful critisizing things to her! She seemed understanding, adn seemed to know that there was nothing she could do right ,adn that was not her fault, just my perception issues, a dn that i love her very much! It was a lot for an almost 12 y/o to take in, but she surprised me with how well she took it... It was a very hard talk to have with her and very challanging to share such feelings with her! By the night time, what ever it was, seemed to be passing. i tried to complement her on things she had done that day, but it was not comming out right, sigh... If your family knows roughly what to expect, they can better handle your emotions and behavior despite it chaing daily , sometimes hourly... I try and rise above it, but sometimes it just pulls me so very far down that I know it's best just to not speak, I am afraid of the hurtful things I would say because i am not communicating correctly at that time, at no fault of their own!
My Beloved and I, our marrage has a strong foundation of communication! It is embarracing and discuragign some of teh feelings i have and thoughts that I cannot explain that go through my head... My Tdoc advised me Not to tell Beloved alll teh "crazy " things that go through my mind. it would cause unnessary worry, concern, adn eventually lack of trust! At first I felt like it would be keeping secrets from my Beloved; however when i told him what she said, he was (very much to my surprise) very grateful for this idea! Now I just tell him I am "off" (giggle, or sometimes he tells me before I realize it) and I dont tell him the crazy things going through my mind. It could also sacre him... Thoughts of suiside floating through for a very breif moment for example... He dosent' need to be put on that rollarcoaster! That is what my Tdoc is for... If I get too "off" he asks me to call my Tdoc, and I usually see her in a day or so. She adn I work out a temporary plan, adn I go from there...
I do tell him my emotions, adn how they are affecting me, because it very much affects him adn our kiddies! It was hard to learn, but is gettng easier to know when to call my Tdoc, adn when to ride it out...
BTW, I do NOT act on suicidal thought or harm myself in any way! I am NOT promoting such actions! I just used it as an example...
How my Beloved (and I ) look at our marrage is he gived it 110%, adn expects nothing in return! I try and give it my all, my 110% and usually fall quit short in my opinion. My Tdoc says I am not falling as short as I feel i am, but you brain can play nasty tricks on your emotions... When people have expectations, and their loved one cannot measure up, out of Love for them, lower your expectations, (They might be too high for the situation) adn really look if they are something that loved one is honestly capable of, adn lastly, You give your 110% into your marrage, don't expect anything in return and you will be very surprised at how loving and grateful you will feel when your Beloved contributes what he can! It is a feeling of apprecieation for my Beloved!
You perspective kind of changes when you put yourself in their shoes, and look at everything home and work related, what ever they are dealing with. That will help you to find what you can reasonably go to him as a need that he can in your mind correctly support you with! What works for us is not for everyone, it's just what works for us!
Praising teh Lord, we are celebratign ten years of marrage this summer! We also have a very strict rule! The discussion of Divorce is not acceptable in our home... It is a word we do not say, and defenately a word we do not act on. I personally do ont belive in divorce. i acknoledge it exists, but for me it has never been an option, (and i know my Beloved holds the same feelings!) Just as i don't drink and will never buy adult bevreges, (again just My opinion, adn I have no negative opinions towards those who enjoy an adult bevrage when they feel like it!) i will never go in teh area of divorce. The Lord Brought us together He made me for my Beloved, adn my Beloved for me! Only He through death will seperate us! My Beloved is just that, My cherished Beloved, life mate and my very best friend! keep in mind Jesus is first above all!
Remeber the Lord made your Beloved especially for you too!
God Bless dear sister!
