Oh, please don't ever feel that way!! I can just about guarantee that you are helping!! Whether it seems that way or not!
Just that she is using you for a coping mechanism definitely shows that you are helping. Otherwise, she would not want to have anything to do with you in those times. I understand it's draining. But just keep reminding yourself how much worse it really is for her. She appreciates what you are doing--even if she can't really show that she does.
Journaling never worked for me. I hated it--made me worse. Have you tried walking with her? I know you are stressed, and pressed for time, but maybe if you walk a few times with her, she will realize that she likes it, and start doing it on her own. Does your family have a dog she can walk? Or does she have a cd player (oh, am I dating myself there?) or an MP3 player she can use on the walks?
Do you have Netflix or something like that? Try to keep some movies she would like, but hasn't seen on hand. Something her brain can concentrate on. Works for me. Who knows if it will work for her, but worth a try. Somewhere she can be alone and watch tv, if possible. I don't know her or your situation, but it's better if she just concentrates without having anyone bother her.
Has she shown interest in any kind of hobby? Model building, things like that? Something other than the internet? I know I enjoy using my hands-helps me concentrate.
What about some type of physical thing? Karate? Aerobics? Long distance running? Riding a bike? Physical activity helps me. I have to be careful, though, because just a little bit of activity will sometimes kick me into a manic mode. I have to keep going til I get tired. Like when we go to the gym, I'll ride the stationary bike for at least 30 minutes or sometimes much longer, depending on how often I've been riding lately. Maybe some type of team sport can be good. Not only will it be great exercise, but cheering for the game helps keep her mind occupied when she is not playing.
Like I said, I don't know anything about either of you. Some of these you may have tried, maybe everything, and maybe nothing I've said will work. But I'd rather throw it out there as a possibility than not.
I'm glad you are talking with her therapist. Maybe the therapist can give you some more ideas of things she may want to do that will help her.
She may have to hit that brick wall. In fact, probably will. In that case, all you can do is be there to help her up. Just be sure to allow her to learn from it, though. Don't go after her cleaning up the mess without her learning anything from it!! Then, it will just happen again. You have to allow her to make her mistakes and suffer the consequences. Granted, it will most likely take her longer to learn than most "normal" people. You have to take away the safety net, grit your teeth, and watch her fall. Yes, I can probably just about guarantee that her poor choices will cost her something. And it's 10 times worse because she is in school. But, better to allow her to lean those lessons now when the consequences are smaller. School does not last forever. And even though it seems that when something happens, "her life is over"--she will learn that after school is when life really starts. School can be put behind you. If she waits to hit that brick wall when she is an adult, especially if you are not there to help her, the consequences can be much worse. (losing a great job, not going to college, failed marriage, etc).
You're a great mom. You are doing a great job, and doing everything you can. I wish my mom had been that way. I wasn't diagnosed officially til my 30s. I had the symptoms at least in high school. My mom never realized it then, even though she has two brothers with it. Even when I told her I had been officially diagnosed, she still tried to downplay it, kept talking about how mine could not possibly be anywhere as bad as my two uncles. Instead of help, I got denial. And,yes, that did hurt.
I hit my wall in my 30s. It had cost me a college education ( I couldn't handle it), and many jobs (the longest I held one was a year and a half). It almost cost me my job now and my now husband. I had a great boss and a man who helped me (yes, they are out there). Now that I understand it a lot better, I can more easily control it. Well, most of the time. And, yes, I use the word "easily" loosely--basically it's just less hard to control.
