Big mistake.

[berry2000]

I bought something that i shouldn't have. Now i am tempted by the fact that i have it. At the same time I want to have it...and I don't want to throw it away or give it to someone else. I know I shouldn't have it. But i can't seem to get the courage to get rid of it either. I don't feel like i'm in real danger from having it at the moment. But if i had it in my possession at the wrong time...that might turn out bad. Help? I'm trying not to trigger anyone by giving the details...but i think you will get the point.

 

[ChristInAction]

I'v done that before & the results are always bad. Throw it out hun, give it to a friend that knows about your SI, Throw it over the fence! burry it in the back yard or park, something, anything. Get rid of it before the temptation comes. I know your strong enough to do this & God sees how much you want to do the right thing, put this situation in his hands. Let him give you the strength & He will.
His crying out, I love you! I'm so proud of you for fighting this!
He wants you to give every little bit of pain & anger & hate & temptation & everything of this world that stops you being the beautiful girl He created, to Him. He can take it.
But in the end, it your choice. Its always our choice to self harm & its always our choice to be strong.
Which one are you going to choose?


Prays & love.
Ally (CIA) xox

 

[mamalonglegs]

Hi Berry200~It's mamalonglegs: You know it doesn't matter what "things" we have. We make choices and do what we plan to do no matter what "tools" we have or do not have. Everything is a choice. The things we possess do not make us do anything. We choose. I once read a quote that said something like this, "The choices we make changes the course of our lives." Also in the last song I've written for a project, I wrote this about getting rid of Self-Abuse, "I'm saying farewell. . . to an old 'friend', and not looking over my shoulder. Its time has passed because I now know. This so called LOVE lied and used me. . ." Making the choice to use any "tool" is fooling yourself because self-abuse is not a "friend". It wastes your life, your time, your energy, and you get lost even more in the process. Your life is truly better without choosing a "friend" that in the end always betrays and uses you. Is that what you really want? I don't think so. I think you might be like me and may others in this forum. You would rather be loved and cared about the isolated and destroying yourself. The bottom line. God loves you and so do I and many others. WE CARE!

 

[berry2000]

I threw it away. I used it a little first. But in the end I threw it away. I don't know why i got it in the first place. But it did feel good to see it go in the trash.

Thank you so much for your replies and your advice and concern. It is truly appreciated.

 

[HolyOne87]

i am happy you made the right decision. *hugs*

 

[berry2000]

Thanks Holy One and thanks Steffi.

Well seems like my battle with this is over atleast for this month. My two biggest triggers are hormones (passed for this month) and stress (also seems to have passed for the moment).

I get a breather. Somehow I still feel like although i returned to it; it was a visit not a long stay. I guess that happens in recovery.

Luckily i found it unusually unsatisfying and unhelpful. Now that is new and although i found it at first disconcerting, now i'm finding that it might be a good thing. Less appealing in the future.

Keep me in your prayers.

 

[berry2000]

Woops sorry i also meant to say thanks to mama long legs and Christ in Action your replies were a Godsend.

I have stayed self harm free since My post on May 5th