Being single with health issues!

[frank1234]

I've had this strong belief for a long time now that, due to several health issues(OCD and chronic fatigue and anxiety among them), I needed to find some body who would either have some issues with her own health herself, or someone who "severely" understands and accepts them in me (which I have not been able to find). Being only 46, my health problems will someday(i know) will disappear; but until then, not having a mate and trying to be celibate everyday has damaged me psycologicly in more ways that I can explain here. Can you give me any suggestions on the course of action? Oh ya, I have been doing all the usual, like waitting on The Lord, and praying, and concentrating on ministry instead of the need... What makes it tuffer for me is that socializing and meeting people is extremly difficult under these health issues of mine, Nevertheless, the damage that has come and the desire to be with someone is something of a task on a daily basis. Thanks and God bless.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Hmmmm probably not what you want to hear, (and it sounds like you are already doing it, but) my pastor told us singles to "Live don't look". By that he meant, don't spend time and thoughts on looking for someone. Cuz we all know that when we look we never find, it's all in God's timing. I don't know what the Lord has in store for you really, but His priorities are for building the character he wants in you, and for you to truly know Him, so that you can fulfill the destiny He placed you on this Earth for. Whether that includes a spouse or not, I cannot say. I lost my husband after 25 years and now sometimes wonder if I will marry again or stay single and after 5 years of being single I still do not know the answer. What I have learned in the 5 years though, is to be content where I am and to learn all I can about Jesus and His character so that I can reflect it in my life and relationships with others. And hopefully, if it's His will, and I become ready, He will bring someone else into my life. In the meantime I try NOT to focus on myself and my needs, but to focus on others and how I can fulfill my destiny that God put me on this Earth for. Hope that helps.

 

[dayhiker]

Hi Frank,
Welcome to mature singles.
I can't relate to your situation. I'm healthy and when I started looking for a new relationship I specifically looked for a woman who was active. And I found one.

What ways have you tried to meet a woman?

dayhiker

 

[frank1234]

Hello dayhiker;
My sittuation is exactly opposite of you, where you were "able" to find someone, because you are healthy enough. Of course, I have been keen to find someone who matches my own energy, whether in church or other gatherings, but when I assess the personality and the energy of that paticular person, I notice that I won't be a good canidate for them. I have even put ads in christian single websites, being open about my limitations, but to no avail. Of course, like memoriesbymichelle said, I have tried not to focus on the need, but, as I have had mentioned before, not being with someone, has created a lot of psycological damages and issues for me. I know that The Lord's will be done. At any rate, I think I just keep praying and hoping. Thanks.

 

[dayhiker]

Hi Frank,
I cannot relate to not feeling normal being along. I am very comfortable being along. But being in a relationship definately make live several degrees better.
As for ads to find a woman on a web site: I think its very honest of you to point out your limitation. Most people don't do that. Quite a few lie about who they are to attrack someone. Besure to point out what you can offer as well. Putting up ads on a web site give you a chance to think over a period of time about how to express yourself and to keep tweeking your public profine to find what will worl for you. So don't give up.
Another thing to do is to look on the web to establish come relationships thru the web. In the past I found this a gerat way to learn about interreaacting with people and verbalizing things about myself and seeing how people reacted to them.

dayhiker

 

[peacechild4]

I think it is very hard being single.. And people that give answers mostly are those who have it together.. Some of us never get it together and nothing seems to make a difference.. we simply do not make good single people..

I have hearing disability and am raising four children.. I rarely go out.. so the chances of meeting anybody are nigh impossible.. I am constantly thinking of being with someone at this present time and am racking up a good supply of romantic movies.. I was married a long time.. but often it was unhappy so I feel robbed in every way..

Sorry this is more about me then answering you.. I just understand.. and although I cannot give you any answers I think there is alot more of us out there then we realise... I am always around if you want to talk.. I just cannot seem to get into any threads here... if that is the right way to write it.. Perhaps GOD is pushing me to where I need to be posting?? Who knows.. I have been really restless lately..

Sorry again I am going on.. hard to find a thread where you can just be yourself.. Thanks..

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

You are absolutely right Peacechild4, it is extremely hard for alot of us to be single and others don't seem to mind as much or I don't know what, but it IS hard. And your right there are no pat answers. What I have come to know, for myself is..is that we are all on our own journies, and none of us can fully understand anothers journey. And for whatever reason God sees fit in His big picture to Glorify Himself, we have things to do, and learn and be and we don't get a choice or full control over alot of it, but what we do with what we do have is very important. Our life process is about our sanctification and our relationship with our Lord and what kind of person we are. How we act, and react is our choice, and yes life makes it very hard, and harder for some than ever should be and not hard enough for others (in our humble opinions). I think God wants us to be happy, and He also wants a relationship with us, and wants us, to glorify Him with our lives, in whatever circumstance we are in. Doesn't mean it's easy, but neither is what Jesus already did for us. I didn't ask to be single. My husband got cancer and only lived a few years afterward. I have been single since. I don't like it for alot of reasons, but I also have not met anyone I would consider dating and I don't come across people to meet very often anyway so I do understand, but I just want to encourage you to not give up on your dreams, and just try to do the best you can where you are, as I am sure you already are, and know that God does hear the cries of your heart, and so do we. And I do think you can be yourself here. Part of having faith is believing, so if you believe you will always be where you are now, well you can see where this is going, but you can be positive and trust in the Lord, because He is trustworthy and you just never know what's around the corner and it will be more than you can ask or think.
Hope I didn't offend anyone, or you Peacechild4, I just wanted to say I do understand.

 

[peacechild4]

You are absolutely right Peacechild4, it is extremely hard for alot of us to be single and others don't seem to mind as much or I don't know what, but it IS hard. And your right there are no pat answers. What I have come to know, for myself is..is that we are all on our own journies, and none of us can fully understand anothers journey. And for whatever reason God sees fit in His big picture to Glorify Himself, we have things to do, and learn and be and we don't get a choice or full control over alot of it, but what we do with what we do have is very important. Our life process is about our sanctification and our relationship with our Lord and what kind of person we are. How we act, and react is our choice, and yes life makes it very hard, and harder for some than ever should be and not hard enough for others (in our humble opinions). I think God wants us to be happy, and He also wants a relationship with us, and wants us, to glorify Him with our lives, in whatever circumstance we are in. Doesn't mean it's easy, but neither is what Jesus already did for us. I didn't ask to be single. My husband got cancer and only lived a few years afterward. I have been single since. I don't like it for alot of reasons, but I also have not met anyone I would consider dating and I don't come across people to meet very often anyway so I do understand, but I just want to encourage you to not give up on your dreams, and just try to do the best you can where you are, as I am sure you already are, and know that God does hear the cries of your heart, and so do we. And I do think you can be yourself here. Part of having faith is believing, so if you believe you will always be where you are now, well you can see where this is going, but you can be positive and trust in the Lord, because He is trustworthy and you just never know what's around the corner and it will be more than you can ask or think.
Hope I didn't offend anyone, or you Peacechild4, I just wanted to say I do understand.

Thank you.. I was nodding in agreement to all you have said here as I read it through.. I am sorry to hear of your husbands death.. and what you have suffered because of this.. I will pray for your future that it is the prosperous one GOD has planned for you.. that you receive it all..

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Thank you.. I was nodding in agreement to all you have said here as I read it through.. I am sorry to hear of your husbands death.. and what you have suffered because of this.. I will pray for your future that it is the prosperous one GOD has planned for you.. that you receive it all..

Awe thank you for your condolences, but I was hoping to encourage YOU! Well not only you, but anyone really. I am faring OK most of the time. It breaks my heart to see some people that spend so much time on what is not happening in their lives, that they completely ignore what they can do in the mean time. Anyway, not to judge, I just try to not dwell and wait and see what the Lord has for me or what He wants me to do.

 

[peacechild4]

You have encouraged me.. thank you.. I just couldn't leave without acknowledging your pain too..
It is the caring of friends that helps us most to find the true source which is the LORD who brings friends together.. Only today I was fretting.. but the LORD directed me to seek HIS kingdom first.. and HIS righteousness and all these things will be added to me as well.. We will receive HE is good.. and we are so very loved..

 

[dayhiker]

This is what I love about the web .. people that touch others lives and it helps us get to tomorrow. I meet some that don't have a clue how message boards can help. They have helped me a lot. If not me personally, its given me compassion for people who are in a situation that I nomally would not understand at all.

dayhiker

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

This is what I love about the web .. people that touch others lives and it helps us get to tomorrow. I meet some that don't have a clue how message boards can help. They have helped me a lot. If not me personally, its given me compassion for people who are in a situation that I nomally would not understand at all.

dayhiker

How very true dayhiker, how very true...

 

[Bridgit]

Hello dayhiker;
My sittuation is exactly opposite of you, where you were "able" to find someone, because you are healthy enough. Of course, I have been keen to find someone who matches my own energy, whether in church or other gatherings, but when I assess the personality and the energy of that paticular person, I notice that I won't be a good canidate for them. I have even put ads in christian single websites, being open about my limitations, but to no avail. Of course, like memoriesbymichelle said, I have tried not to focus on the need, but, as I have had mentioned before, not being with someone, has created a lot of psycological damages and issues for me. I know that The Lord's will be done. At any rate, I think I just keep praying and hoping. Thanks.

I think it is very good to be honest with others about your health. I do not have health issues but I am honest with my beliefs, what I'm looking for, what I like/don't like .... I believe it is important that you be yourself and don't try to fit in the box others my want you to fit in. I pray you will find someone you will be very happy with. Don't despair. God works in His own time, His own way. His plan for you is perfect. Outside His plan you will not be happy. Keep in touch and let us know.