Hello all 
First off, i'll give a brief history of my situation before i get to the point
Concerning faith: I grew up an atheist in an atheist household. Never did i hear any discussion, good or bad, concerning religion growing up... though i came to my own conclusions as a teen and became somewhat passionate about my distaste for the religious community... specifically Christians. We all know the type. I'd rant on about all the close-mindedness and judgmental Christians while i myself was being just that... close-minded and judgmental
When I was 23 I first came to believe in all my heart that God did exist and after a few more years of seeking intently i came to think of myself as a Christian... though i have yet to be baptized and there is much debate over whether i can actually call myself a Christian yet... i don't wish to bring that debate into this, though. I've been searching for three years to find the right church community to feel at home with before i take the plunge, so to say. I'm 29 now, by the way.
Concerning my Bipolar Disorder: I was one of those lucky cases in which i went in for depression and once prescribed an ssri i was catapulted into sever mania which led to a major psychotic episode and a couple weeks in a psychiatric ward. That was when i was 20 and psychosis can definitely plant the seed that other ways to perceive the world do exist... so the seed was planted. after a very brief bout of hyper-religiosity, i returned to my fanatical atheistic ways. I was diagnosed with Bipolar I NOS... not otherwise specified... which then came to be called Bipolar I with mixed states and psychosis... or something of the sort. i just knew i had little control over reality and it took quite a while to find the right cocktail of meds that kept me stable... something many of you can probably relate to.
Now to my reasoning for this thread... following my "brief" history (trust me, with the way i ramble that was extremely brief).
Since I have become more passionate about my faith the atheists in my life (family included) have been assuming it is simply a symptom of my Bipolar Disorder and fear that i am headed toward another breakdown (though... in a sense i would be in their eyes via the rebirth baptism will bring). The more confident i become with my identity as Christian (or soon-to-be Christian) the more "sane" i feel. Actually, i wouldn't refer to it as sanity... more accurately i would call it being content or at peace, which is something i haven't felt since childhood. So, the atheists in my life are telling me it's a symptom of my disorder...
On the other hand, the Christians I know or have come to know on my seeking path take the opposite view... saying that i'm really not sick at all and i should not take any meds and never should have; that psychiatric disorders aren't real and i destroyed my own life by lack of faith.
I have taken years of studying the bible, other faiths, and paying attention to my own perception to be absolutely certain that my faith is not a symptom of my disorder. there are times in which i lose site of that faith and give up, become disheartened, and decide God doesn't exist... but those are become much more rare and briefer as time progresses. all of this obviously is not a form of psychotic religiosity because it would not have lasted for 6 years, becoming stronger every day.
Now, looking back on what i have written, i realize that i have no specific question as i had first intended when beginning this thread. i brought up a few things i could elaborate on further and there are some things i'd like to hear your thoughts on and multiple questions i have. So... i suppose i will leave it at this and see if any of you out there have any comments on what i have written i'm not sure if i have any unfinished thoughts above or if some things don't make sense... i'm resisting the temptation to read what i have just written because i know i will pick it apart and spend an hour fixing it
Thank you for reading this
-Justin
First off, i'll give a brief history of my situation before i get to the point
Concerning faith: I grew up an atheist in an atheist household. Never did i hear any discussion, good or bad, concerning religion growing up... though i came to my own conclusions as a teen and became somewhat passionate about my distaste for the religious community... specifically Christians. We all know the type. I'd rant on about all the close-mindedness and judgmental Christians while i myself was being just that... close-minded and judgmental
When I was 23 I first came to believe in all my heart that God did exist and after a few more years of seeking intently i came to think of myself as a Christian... though i have yet to be baptized and there is much debate over whether i can actually call myself a Christian yet... i don't wish to bring that debate into this, though. I've been searching for three years to find the right church community to feel at home with before i take the plunge, so to say. I'm 29 now, by the way.
Concerning my Bipolar Disorder: I was one of those lucky cases in which i went in for depression and once prescribed an ssri i was catapulted into sever mania which led to a major psychotic episode and a couple weeks in a psychiatric ward. That was when i was 20 and psychosis can definitely plant the seed that other ways to perceive the world do exist... so the seed was planted. after a very brief bout of hyper-religiosity, i returned to my fanatical atheistic ways. I was diagnosed with Bipolar I NOS... not otherwise specified... which then came to be called Bipolar I with mixed states and psychosis... or something of the sort. i just knew i had little control over reality and it took quite a while to find the right cocktail of meds that kept me stable... something many of you can probably relate to.
Now to my reasoning for this thread... following my "brief" history (trust me, with the way i ramble that was extremely brief).
Since I have become more passionate about my faith the atheists in my life (family included) have been assuming it is simply a symptom of my Bipolar Disorder and fear that i am headed toward another breakdown (though... in a sense i would be in their eyes via the rebirth baptism will bring). The more confident i become with my identity as Christian (or soon-to-be Christian) the more "sane" i feel. Actually, i wouldn't refer to it as sanity... more accurately i would call it being content or at peace, which is something i haven't felt since childhood. So, the atheists in my life are telling me it's a symptom of my disorder...
On the other hand, the Christians I know or have come to know on my seeking path take the opposite view... saying that i'm really not sick at all and i should not take any meds and never should have; that psychiatric disorders aren't real and i destroyed my own life by lack of faith.
I have taken years of studying the bible, other faiths, and paying attention to my own perception to be absolutely certain that my faith is not a symptom of my disorder. there are times in which i lose site of that faith and give up, become disheartened, and decide God doesn't exist... but those are become much more rare and briefer as time progresses. all of this obviously is not a form of psychotic religiosity because it would not have lasted for 6 years, becoming stronger every day.
Now, looking back on what i have written, i realize that i have no specific question as i had first intended when beginning this thread. i brought up a few things i could elaborate on further and there are some things i'd like to hear your thoughts on and multiple questions i have. So... i suppose i will leave it at this and see if any of you out there have any comments on what i have written
i'm not sure if i have any unfinished thoughts above or if some things don't make sense... i'm resisting the temptation to read what i have just written because i know i will pick it apart and spend an hour fixing it Thank you for reading this
-Justin
