Being "in love"...

[TeutonicProtector]

Ok, here's my situation:

My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 10 months. She goes to college (as a Junior) about 3 hours away, so we are having to deal with long distance. However, we have been very good about seeing each other; we take turns visiting every weekend, or if too busy, every other weekend. And while 10 months may not be the longest time ever, it has been enough for us to become extremely close.

I flew down a few times to see her and her family(which is about 12 hours away) for a few weeks this past summer while she was home. Her family couldn't be happier with me. My girlfriend has also met my family, and actually spent Thanksgiving with several of my relatives. My family is delighted with my girlfriend.

We love each other very much, but are at different places in our lives (I'm in my job, she's still in school)... I know that I've fallen for her, and while I know she loves me so much, she just isn't... in love with me. She is very guarded and afraid to fall in love, because she never imagined it would happen so early. I was scared of falling for her, and even prayed every day to God that I wouldn't develop feelings for her the way that I have if she wasn't the one.

Anyway, it's very painful knowing that the other person doesn't quite feel the same way about you, although some day she might. I don't really know how to deal with this. Because when she graduates, we'd like to move to the same city and keep dating as 'close distance'... but it's hard to say. It would be easy for me, given that I'm in love, but that's a big choice for her.

I can deal with potentially dating for another 3-5 years, as long as I know she is in love with me. If we get married I want everything to be right about it, including timing with our careers. But she just doesn't know what she wants... because even after college, she will be quite young.

Anyway, is it normal for couples to fall in love at different rates? How is this dealt with? I almost want to say she's in love with me but doesn't fully know it yet because I can tell by the she looks at me, and how we act together, and deal with situations, etc.

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

 

[CarrierOfChrist]

Ok, here's my situation:

My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 10 months. She goes to college (as a Junior) about 3 hours away, so we are having to deal with long distance. However, we have been very good about seeing each other; we take turns visiting every weekend, or if too busy, every other weekend. And while 10 months may not be the longest time ever, it has been enough for us to become extremely close.

I flew down a few times to see her and her family(which is about 12 hours away) for a few weeks this past summer while she was home. Her family couldn't be happier with me. My girlfriend has also met my family, and actually spent Thanksgiving with several of my relatives. My family is delighted with my girlfriend.

We love each other very much, but are at different places in our lives (I'm in my job, she's still in school)... I know that I've fallen for her, and while I know she loves me so much, she just isn't... in love with me. She is very guarded and afraid to fall in love, because she never imagined it would happen so early. I was scared of falling for her, and even prayed every day to God that I wouldn't develop feelings for her the way that I have if she wasn't the one.

Anyway, it's very painful knowing that the other person doesn't quite feel the same way about you, although some day she might. I don't really know how to deal with this. Because when she graduates, we'd like to move to the same city and keep dating as 'close distance'... but it's hard to say. It would be easy for me, given that I'm in love, but that's a big choice for her.

Well I know that I fell in love with my boyfriend quite quickly. When you're in love, there's no good enough explanation to describe it exactly. I thought that I had been in love before, but then I met Lee . It's really hard to explain. I don't know what to say...Maybe falling in love (the timing, etc.) is just different for everyone.

As far as your girlfriend feeling gaurded and afraid of falling in love goes?...Well I can tell you that I am very much in love with my boyfriend but I know that I still have some of my guard up (to a degree) because I'm afraid of getting hurt. I think we all are. I think that's normal though.

Have you asked her what her intensions are in the relationship? Or have you discussed your intensions regarding the relationship? It could be potentially very hurtful if you are the only one taking the relationship "seriously" so-to-speak. Talk to her about it and see how she's feeling about things and where she thinks the relationship may be headed. Both of you should pray about it and seek God's will.

Just pray and trust in the Lord.

 

[TeutonicProtector]

Thanks for your advice... we are very serious about each other, and we intend to keep dating and see where things go. That's what it comes down to; she wants to be in love with me, and know that I'm the one, but she doesn't know...

She has so much love and respect for me, just as I do for her, but she says she doesn't know what the future holds, but wants to keep dating to see what happens.

 

[TeutonicProtector]

Anyone else? I know this isn't really a common issue answered here, but any form of advice is welcome.

 

[seamonster]

My husband and I had the same sort of relationship.

I was very timid about "falling for" him because I was so scared of getting hurt. The end result was he never stopped pursuing me and eventually I had a major wake-up call that I DID love him immensely and he was all I ever wanted.

We were also long distance (saw each other every couple of months), and it was really hard for me. I mean, there was a gap of two months where other girls got to see him every single day and I never got to see him . I was very jealous of that and also just plain scared. I didn't know if this was what God wanted for me. I didn't know at what point it was "OK" to let my guard down and just fall for him.

Then one day I was praying and I just had a major wakeup call. I didn't know what to do but I called him up and said "I love you. I'm totally in love with you."

He welcomed me ino his arms and we've got our happily ever after.

Don't know if this helps at all, but it's not that uncommon for one person to have their "reserves" about a relationship. I was scared of making the wrong choice, but my DH never stopped praying for me and for our relationship and he never stopped waiting for me. My best advice is to not let go of her if she's what you really want. Keep loving her and praying for her, and hopefully she'll come around to realizing you're what she wants.

 

[TeutonicProtector]

Wow... thank you so much. There's no way I'm giving up.

 

[TeutonicProtector]

Update:

So she called me today from Italy (she returns soon, thankfully)... she finally convinced me to talk about what was bothering me. I was honest with her, even though she already knew how I felt. She said she wants to give me so much more, but can't "right now", referring to the fact that we are still long distance, and will be for about 16 months. She said if she let herself fall in love now, it would be too painful because she would want to be with me. (Being in love and being apart is very difficult.) She also said if she was out of school right now and could move to the same city, she would, and basically I wouldn't have this problem because she wouldn't be worried about falling for me.

So, I guess all I can do is continue to date her for a long time, and survive this long-distance portion... and continue to pray for her...