Been together how long now...

[Peculiarone]

1. how long should one be together before they get engaged?

2. What if a couple is together for say, 4 years and they haven't married yet, he haven't proposed yet, do you think there is an underlined reason as to WHY he hasn't considered marriage with that person?

Thanks.

 

[mlukas]

1. how long should one be together before they get engaged?

2. What if a couple is together for say, 4 years and they haven't married yet, he haven't proposed yet, do you think there is an underlined reason as to WHY he hasn't considered marriage with that person?

Thanks.

Not to sound too Sr. Lauresque but: have you talked to your SO about this? (if this thread refers to you..)

 

[Carri20]

1. how long should one be together before they get engaged?

However long it takes the couple to decide they want to spend the rest of their lives together. Each situation is different, but as a general rule for myself I would say 6 months minimum and then at least another 6 months before the actual marriage.

2. What if a couple is together for say, 4 years and they haven't married yet, he haven't proposed yet, do you think there is an underlined reason as to WHY he hasn't considered marriage with that person?

There could be any number of reasons for this--maybe he doesn't feel financially secure, maybe he's afraid of leaving his home (if he lives with his parents or something like that), maybe he wants to try to get a better job first...or maybe he just can't make up his mind about it. Either way if you find yourself in this situation you have a right to know what's going on. Do you know how he feels about marriage in general? Have you ever talked about marriage? Are his "I love you"s a little half-hearted? Talk to him gently and feel out his responses. If you've been together for 4 years then the truth shouldn't be too hard to find once you open the floodgates of positive communication.

 

[mlukas]

However long it takes the couple to decide they want to spend the rest of their lives together. Each situation is different, but as a general rule for myself I would say 6 months minimum and then at least another 6 months before the actual marriage.

I've got to disagree with THAT! 6 months isn't long enough to REALLY get to know anyone, Christian or not. Anyone can be on their best behaviour for 6 months to a year!
To answer the original quesiton with jsut what was given, from a guys point of view. if you. or he, or the both of you haven't talked marriage and you've been dating 4 years, yeah, there's a definate problem. Either he doesn't want to commit, you don't want to commit, or both of you don't want to commit. Timing is different for everyone, honestly I think most people should date AT LEAST 2 years before getting engaged. But if he hasn't even brought it up I think he's got some issues...

 

[Solitaire]

1. how long should one be together before they get engaged?

As others have (mostly) said, you cannot attach a specific time frame to this. It varies for couples ... some move fast and others much slower. If you are in a relationship and wondering this, it is when you and he are most comfortable with the idea, when you understand what it is you are getting into and when you have the capabilities to deal with a committment of that level.

2. What if a couple is together for say, 4 years and they haven't married yet, he haven't proposed yet, do you think there is an underlined reason as to WHY he hasn't considered marriage with that person?

Thanks.

Any underlying reason is something we could not tell you ... you'd have to speak with the specific person in question. However if someone is genuinely not ready, you cannot force that. Forcing someone into marriage before they are ready is just a bad idea, so you either need to pray for patience, or prayerfully consider whether this really is the person for you.

Imho, 4 years isn't neccessarily too long. I would not be one of those people wondering "what's up?" once a couple hits the magical four-year mark. Courtship needs to last for as long or as short a time as is appropriate for the individual couple. We're talking about the emotional, spiritual and physical compatability of a couple for a lifelong committment ... you just cannot force dry, cold numbers into that.

 

[Carri20]

I've got to disagree with THAT! 6 months isn't long enough to REALLY get to know anyone, Christian or not. Anyone can be on their best behaviour for 6 months to a year!

The question was, "how long should they be together before they get engaged" -- Not "how long should they know each other before they get engaged". I don't know how you run your game but I don't date people I don't already know. So don't get your shorts in a knot. I'm not that big an imbecile.

 

[Leanna]

1. how long should one be together before they get engaged?

So you can't put a definite time frame. My husband proposed to be after dating me for 3 months, we got married 7 months later. Looking back this seems crazy to me, like what were we thinking? We were crazy in love and made a rash decision. But I got lucky, my husband is a great man and we are actually a good match. We have been together for 6 1/2 years. In general I have doubts about people like myself who make rash decisions, I think people should date for 1-2 years before getting married.

2. What if a couple is together for say, 4 years and they haven't married yet, he haven't proposed yet, do you think there is an underlined reason as to WHY he hasn't considered marriage with that person?

Thanks.

It all depends on WHY he isn't asking. As Blue said, if its two people dating from 14 to 18 years old, I see nothing wrong with not having gotten married yet. If the two people are dating from 22-26, yes something definitely sticks out as wrong there. You'll need to ask the guy why he hasn't considered married-- it could be ANYTHING.

 

[Boss_BlueAngels]

Talk to him!! Don't look for our advice, we're not marrying you. It is something that should be between you and your SO and nobody else, really.

My sister and brother in law dated for five years before engagement and are very happily married. My brother and his wife dated a few weeks before engagement. They have two kids and have been very happily married for 12 years now.

As a guy in the same position (I've been with my current gf for over 2.5 years now) don't put pressure on him. You know he is thinking of it and he wants things to be just as perfect as you do. The LAST thing he wants is for you to sit there asking all the time, "so, when are you gonna ask me?" I'm not saying you are doing that, but sometimes it's just one of those subconcious things. We were talking about marriage 6 months into dating and were (and certainly now too) confident we were the perfect people for each other. If it is meant to be, it will happen soon enough.

 

[mlukas]

The question was, "how long should they be together before they get engaged" -- Not "how long should they know each other before they get engaged". I don't know how you run your game but I don't date people I don't already know. So don't get your shorts in a knot. I'm not that big an imbecile.

LOL! Missed the "together" part...my mistake

 

[Carri20]

 

[Ceris]

1. It depends

2. Is this referring to a situation your in? And I would also ask are you talking about being together for four years with no talk of marriage or four years with serious talk of marriage but not married yet? The first option (as Blue Impulse said) is a big warning flag and the second option is something that might arise because of such things as age, maturity, school, not having a steady job, etc.

3. Listen to Blue Impulse. After a year and a half of being here at CF and frequenting the Couples Forum, I have found out that she really knows what she's talking about and almost every single time gives really good advice.

 

[Peculiarone]

Thanks for the replies...more opinions accpeted.

Note**** this is not concerning me, its a bout a friend of mine and I needed some answers. Evertyhing posted here doesn't mean its for us.

Thanks again.